Post by therealwife on Aug 29, 2011 18:09:25 GMT -5
It's been a while since I've posted on here. There are a lot of new people.
Hi, I'm theREALwife. Not BM #2, not the connoisseur of some other woman's leftovers, rather the real and true wife to someone who has taken far too much from his triflin cheating BM. May she burn in hell.
For those who remember somewhat, I'm the one with health problems who was with a married man (that got taken care of a few weeks back...would have been in May, but I got hospitalized due to a seizure that day and I was his witness) who had been separated for years, but never got the divorce. Once I got over the shock of that, we had to deal with babymama. She pretty much wants to keep the lifestyle she has, to hell with DH, my son and myself. Especially my son and myself. DH's two daughters lack for NOTHING, whereas we have struggled for the entire duration of our relationship, practically. At 14 weeks pregnant, I stopped working full time. I've held jobs off and on since then, but my health has deteriorated. I'm filing for disability. Add to that the fact that my son who is soon to be three, is autistic.
The cost of living where BM is is a fraction of what it is where we are. We live in the DC area. His child support payments pay for a two bedroom apartment down there, but BM has a section-8 house, food stamps, medicaid...and the girls are on DH's insurance. We had good insurance until his job made us find a plan that included them. That's fine, that's what the law decrees, but while we're paying for them (when they have medicaid and mom's insurance, how the hell is this possible?), we cannot afford to start the homeopathic therapies that might help my son (and early intervention is the key), and DH hasn't had his insulin in MONTHS. He's lost a lot of weight, and that has seemed to help, but it's not fair that we have it so hard because of her manipulations. Had she been truthful, she wouldn't have a fraction of what she has now. But all that will change soon. I'm tired of shirking on doctor's appointments and wondering if my son will get the therapy he needs (ABA therapy and other therapies that are really affective with autistic kids are not covered by insurance...and DH "makes too much" for any assistance) because BM wants to go to California again this year.
It wouldn't be an issue if I were working. Nothing she requested would be an issue if I were working. But I CAN'T work, and she just expects us to starve so she can replace iphone number 3 that's been dropped in the toilet. WTF?
DH is finally on the bandwagon. He realizes that his daughters are almost grown, and that he cannot get the past back. He's also grateful for the one daughter who keeps trying to spend time with us in spite of BM. The other one is mini-BM, she's all about who will spend money on her and tell her she's pretty. She doesn't like me because I do not tolerate disrespect towards her father or me in my home.
When I had a home. DH and I are living on opposite sides of the DC metro area, because when I stopped working, one of his checks didn't make rent. We struggled for years, and the rent increases were more than the pay increases...so we lost our place. He doesn't make that much more than what he did in 2008, after you take out CS, the garnishments he's paying for because BM got an apartment in his name using a military power of attorney that technically was invalid (it had no end date, but since they were separated it was invalid). Oh, and she feels that he should pay for this apartment she didn't pay rent on because his kids lived there. Last time I checked, your rent is your responsibility, and she was to pay that money since she lived there with the kids alone. And there are more garnishments! DH just got a federal job, so his pay is now public record. And BM's isht just keeps popping up. They can't garnish her, because they don't do garnishments in her state. So now we wait for them to pop up, take note (we're both filing bankruptcy) and once the girls are grown, we will be going back to prosecute her. She's all about her lifestyle, and it doesn't matter who she ruins, in her sick head because her uterus was utilized first, she deserves everything she wants. I will be laughing my tail off when she's in that prison uniform and roommate to Bertha who will most likely feel her up at night.
Looking back, I realize that things could have been a lot better for me and DH (well, soon to be...September 9th), had both of us not let CBM affect us. DH internalized it, and he's never been good at expressing his feelings. I've lost count of how many holidays were ruined because the girls weren't here. And I've had to temper my resentment, because it's not the girls' fault their mother is a tr*ckho. Since the day this chick met me, and I was ten years younger, fresher, more beautiful...she's been on the rampage. Well, I'm old and sick now, it's only been 3.5 years, but the medication has taken it's toll on me, I have finally been diagnosed properly (epilepsy), and I just count the days a blessing that I have to spend with my son and DH. I honestly don't think I'll be an old lady, but I don't talk about that with DH. He's been through enough. I just hope that long before I die we have stability, a home of our own, not just some crappy apartment, DH has his own and realizes that CBM doesn't have to have her fingers in it (she texted him once and told him she'd try to keep him from buying a home). I want to see my son grow up. I want to see him succeed in the manner that God intends for him.
Next month we go to a hearing for child support modification. BM might be feeling the pinch, because all of the i-products (iphones, etc. times two or three), x-boxes and designer clothes are starting to cost money, and now she wants her kids to do something with themselves (like play an instrument), and they would rather look good than do something worthwhile. She once told DH she was angry because he didn't send money like he used to. Well, back then he only had to pay $300 a month in rent, and he really believed her when she said that she'd let him see his kids if he paid. She's having money trouble (maybe phallus of the month left...I dunno), so now she's "busting her tail to do all the things" DH "doesn't do". The most important thing she won't let him do, which is see his kids. We're going to try again to get the good twin this holiday season. I told him to get a copy of the custody agreement, call the sheriff once we get close, call SD, put her on speakerphone so she could say she was ready, show sheriff the papers, and just show up at BM's house. BM can't do anything then. For now, there's just tons of excuses...even when she passed our apartment coming and going to her booty calls in our area. Last time we were to get good twin, she had to go to church first (as if we don't), and we couldn't pick her up before 3pm on a Sunday...with DH having to leave for work at 4am.
DH and I almost split over this, and I was p*ssed at the lack of boundaries...but he finally gets it. He has a family that loves him, and he was throwing it away for people who don't. I think one SD will move with us when she's 18, she doesn't seem to be happy with BM or her boyfriends. She's much more level-headed.
DH and I currently live 56 miles apart. The parents were not willing to keep us all, so we had to split and go back to each individual parents' homes, when we lost our place. It was really hard at first, I had just gotten out of the hospital from a major seizure, and we were losing our home because we couldn't keep up with the rent increases. Little Man has a lot of eating and developmental issues, he sleeps only when given melatonin (recommended for autistic kids to help them sleep), and is still non-verbal, which makes for a lot of meltdowns. I honestly hope that the courts in trickh*'s state realize that after taxes, insurance, child support and the garnishments that she caused...there's not enough to pay for a 2-bedroom in this area. Her kids are not hungry, they are not in danger of being homeless (like we essentially are), they aren't lacking for clothes. However, we struggled from day one, and got no help because DH "made too much". We are praying that I get social security. I also hope that they take into context the existence of my child, and the fact that he is special needs.
Despite the unfortunate existence of CBM, we are going to have a life together. She's going to be floored when DH steps into the courtroom next month. She's done a lot of shady things that only came to light later. DH's parents say this hearing is just preliminary. I hope so. And I hope that the child support does not get raised. If anything, it should be lowered. BM needs to learn to budget. We're the ones who are struggling to live while she has a new car every year and the girls have enough designer clothes to not need to school shop. This would not be if DH had fought her earlier, but it also would not be if CS were reviewed every year. Send in a w-2. Simple.
Oh well...and the beat goes on.