Sooo sick of this baby mama crap. But is it me?

[ohsosick]

Hello! I am new to this board and have been looking for a place to vent, hopefully this will help with my sanity . So I've been with my man going on 9 years now. After a year into our relationship, he slept with his ex and got her pregnant. They decided to have an abortion, he gave her the money for it, then she disappeared, came back 6 months pregnant saying she didnt do it and spent the money. So fast forward to now. Obviously I stayed, dealt with the pain, drama, and fights. I've took it upon myself and cared for the child since she was a newborn as if she was my own whenever he had her on weekends (she is now 7 years old). What I cannot stand, is the BM has been acting up again and calling him during "work hours" when Im not around. And these conversations are long and never have I witnessed it. He gets mad at me and tells me that the conversation is about their daughter and tells me to stop nagging. But Im not buying it. He also often deletes their text messages and I know this by seeing it on the phone bill but not on his phone. Im soooo sick of hearing "it's about the child". Then why is he so scared to have theses convos around me and has to lie? Especially with the fact that he tells me she's needy, and she can't keep a man for s***. And not to mention, when we broke up for another reason 2 years ago, and I packed my stuff and stayed elsewhere for 3months, she was the first one at his doorstep playing housewife until me and my man decided to get back together, (which made her FURIOUS). I dont have peace of mind because he wont allow me, thinking that Im being selfish and paranoid. He also says that he lies or doesnt tell me because he wants to avoid the drama between me and him. But it makes it worst that way. Also if the pregnant dog didnt still want him all these years, and if he gave me the reassurance that I have nothing to worry about, then I would be just fine. And no Im not having the feeling that they're sleeping with eachother, because I have the car and I drop him off & pick him up from work, so I am fully aware of his whereabouts. He doesnt wander off or anything like that. I love him to death and I know he loves me too, but this big question mark in my mind is killing me. But should I be the one to blame??? Am I overreacting? Please give me a little advice. From all aspects, girlfriends, wives, BMs, and the men. It would really help, thanks...

[Whatareyousmoking]

You aren't the problem, he is. I have learned to trust my woman's intuition. You are uneasy about the BD and his BM because something is rotten, stinks, and you smell it. Don't doubt yourself. That is what he wants you to do.

I would DROP him because HE is the problem. BM can't do anything he doesn't allow her to do. He is participating in BM's foolishness which means he is encouraging her behavior and probably reciprocating it. Long talks on his cell phone all about his DD? Please.

I know that you don't want to but I would drop him like a hot potato. IMO, once a cheater, always a cheater. No, it's not fair but he has showed you once before that he can't be trusted. His present actions are more evidence that he can't be trusted.

Why bother and stress yourself out worrying about a person who obviously doesn't care about you? Girl, drop that zero and find someone worthy of your love and devotion.

[justsomeadvice]

I agree dont spend all your time worrying it will stress you out. I have been there done that, and one thing I learned is that cheating isn't always a physical action. A person can cheat emotinally and many times that hurts more because they are sharing their heart with another person and in a relationship his heart should belong to you. Sometimes men are just that gullable. We all know how women can be and many times men dont pay attention to how other women bate them in. Coversations might statr off about the child but after about 5 min or maybe even 10 min they tend to go elsewhere, and of coarse if you tell him that his convos need to be ten minutes or less he will look at you like youre crazy. TRust gut but dont stress yourself out. After 9 years if you feel like you cant trust sorry to say but you may need to leave. Coming from a place of love and concern for you women to women, you messed up when you continued the realtionship after he cheated. Staying is one thing but that kind of hurt clear boundaries need to be drawn. My husband when we first started dating (about a 6 months into our relationship) lied to me about being somewhere with his son's mother and when I found out ( he aint tell me I found out ) of coarse i was livid. The trust was gone and everytime they talked after that i was peraniod. In mind they were planning to hook up, get together what ever, and it was lioke that because he first opened the door for it when he was dihonest. I took years and a strong heart to get past that and that wasnt physical cheating that is for any woman who cares. It got to a point where for the sake of our relationship I couldn t handle them talking at all and when he went to pick up or see his son I was right there. I needed that reassurance and your man has to be willing to give it to you. It is not going to be easy getting no man wants to be constantly treated like he cant be trusted. But ASK and all the time not in a mean way ..... (what yall talk about, what she say, oh really, and what you think, then what did she say) let hiom walk you through the convo if he goes be the first to say " I wanna go" and if he cant handle that you have been through alot and seem like a strong women I'm sure there is another for you and I know that's easier said then done.

[ihateher]

Leave him and move on. Good luck