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Post by timelezzlove on Dec 27, 2011 1:09:43 GMT -5
My Boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6months now. We have been best friends for over ten years. Our relationship is long distance and we usually visit every other week. Its straining on our relationship b/c we have to schudule around his time with his son b/c his bm does not want ANY women around their child. I can respect that, BUT we have been together for 6months and I am not going anywhere. I have asked my bf to talk to her about being around their son, he claims he doesnt want to upset her or loose his time/seeing his child on the regular. She does know that we are dating, so i dont know what the problem is. How should i put my foot down to make him understand that its time to talk to her?? P.S. his bm has never liked me from the beginning and at the time we we were just best friends now we are lovers. so i do understand that she hates me
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Post by jaylady999 on Dec 27, 2011 8:27:41 GMT -5
Personally if they are not together, she shouldnt get to call the shots on who is around their child while that child is with the father. Does he get to dictate who she has around the child while the child is with her? Probably not.
Is there a court order because if not, and she does not want to cooperate, he probably would want to get one for his visitation. That way, she has no control over what he does or who he has around the child when the child is in his care.
I cant stand BMs who do this. Its nothing more than a control tactic and unfortunately, as in this case, it works because these fathers dont realize or understand that they do have rights. All they have to do is exercize them.
How old is he child by the way?
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Post by timelezzlove on Dec 28, 2011 16:45:10 GMT -5
Their son is 2years old.. I did mention going to court about the situation but, he claims he doesnt wanna go through the court stuff..(bullnuts).. I know its a control thing but i dont know how to make him see it, if he is ok with her controlling his life thats fine, but i refuse to allow another female run to my life.. do you think there is a proper way to speak to him about this situation without it making me seem like im complaining or trying to start a fight??
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Post by jaylady999 on Dec 29, 2011 23:30:33 GMT -5
Its a very slippery slope and one that you may have to just back away from for awhile, I mean as it pertains to the child. I think if you do bring it up to him, it should be at a time when she(BM) is not a direct issue at that time. Like in casual conversation. I dont know why men tend to not realize how much power in these situations they really do have, if they put forth some effort and exercize their rights  |
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Post by Jill B on Jan 2, 2012 6:05:37 GMT -5
It will never end. I am married to my man, we are almost 8 years together, and the BM now demands I "not be in the car for pickups, she can't babysit, and I really don't want her around when my daughter is visiting." This is all after court appointed visitation! With no mention of ANY of this while we were in court. Its a new game every day for them. Shes been making power plays in an attempt to control my husband using the child as a pawn since I met him. She crushed a relationship he had with a woman prior to me. Shes made every attempt for 8 years to come between my husband and I, all by pushing his emotional buttons in regards to his daughter.....Check mate, don't play the game. Ignore them, don't let them push your buttons. Help your significant other sift thru the foolishness. If he cant see the forest thru the trees of the BM's manipulations, be patient, but eventually if he doesn't see the light, consider moving on, as you are valuable, and don't need to take on the burden of step parenting, if your significant other isn't perceptive of the nuances of crazy baby mamas. They are scum on the bottom of societies shoe, its up to you whether or not you take the bait. While you can't control your significant others reactions, you can control your own.
Once when the BM wrote me an email with all kinds of foolishness I wrote back "Darling ____ , please email your ex in regards to child care needs, not me. Please stop trying to be disruptive to our relationship as I am not responding.... I am putting you on the back burner where you belong. Simmer down."
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lark
New Member
Posts: 37
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Post by lark on Feb 6, 2012 23:43:06 GMT -5
I agree with jay. BD doesn't get to police who BM brings around the child, why should she? And if BM has a problem with you now, trust me, she will definitely have a problem with you as the fiancee or the wife.
Your boyfriend needs to grow a pair and take BM to court. She would have no problems taking BD to court to increase CS.
If BD keeps living his life according to BMs wants, he will never have a life of his own or be able to move on and start a family with someone new.
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Post by jaylady999 on Feb 7, 2012 7:39:11 GMT -5
All true Lark. These men need to start standing up to these triflin BMs.  |
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Post by born2badiva on Feb 10, 2012 15:58:01 GMT -5
I think he should have a talk with her. You and him are together. Whats going to happen if you all move in together and his son have to come over. She is just being petty and she might be jealous of yall relationship. You need to talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel, because if you don't this situation is going to mess up things between the two of you.
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Post by timelezzlove on Feb 20, 2012 5:39:29 GMT -5
Thanks Yall.. I did sit down with him and express my feelings and concerns... The NEW excuse is that when the child is around me he calls me MOMMA, but i correct him and tell him no im not mama im so &so.. then he runs home(bm house) and wont stop saying my name.. which isnt my fault at all.. I just think its time for me fall back and hopefully my boyfriend will be able to growup and grow some balls with this women
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