New at dealing with BMD...and not liking it

[skyler349]

Hi. I've been dating a wonderful man for a little over nine months. Both of us are single parents of 3. We have not met each others children yet. I'm not ready for that quite yet, very guarded about my children, and so is he. We both have primary custody of our children, and dont get to see one another very often, however we do talk and text every day. In addition to having full custody of his children, he has an incredibly demanding military job, and a crazy BM. She gets visitation every other weekend, and pays him CS. On the weekends he does not have his children, he plans on spending time with me. This past weekend, I planned a romantic weekend away for us that didnt end up happening. BM dropped court papers for him two days prior to our trip, and then has accused one of his troops of god knows what as well. This isnt the first time she's ruined our plans. Also, about a month ago, thier oldest daughter was going through my bf's phone, and came across some pictures of me that weren't quite PG-13...not trashy, however, they are "suggestive". Not nude, but, well, not intended for little eyes. She told her mother, and BM came at my bf saying that she would charge him with "child endangerment" or something ridiculous like that. He didn't call or text me for two days after that. Said he was trying to process things and figure out how to handle it with his daughter, lawyer, his work leadership, the whole nine. Big mess that I've felt absolutely terrible about. It seems that there's always some kind of wrench she has to throw into the mix, and I'm becoming very frustrated with things. This woman has cheated, lied, and basically abandoned her children, but now all of a sudden wants to take him to court after two years. She is constantly stirring up drama. My heart breaks for him, I dont understand. I'm also pretty heartbroken myself. He shuts down, he shuts me out. He'll send me a text or two, but wont talk to me. He's a good man. Great father, very organized, kind, considerate, the total package, but, when she's on a rampage, it's like he goes into this hole, and won't come out for anything. I suppose that he has to gather himself, and think about his next move or how to deal with the situation at hand, but I'm constantly disappointed. I love him dearly. I respect him. I just dont know what to do...wait it out? Let the dust settle? Never make plans again? Stick it out? Move on? Idk...

[lark]

Honestly, while he is figuring things out, I would be figuring things out too. You can be supportive, but he would be selfish to expect you to put your life on hold while he finds himself.

As far as BM is concerned, sounds like typical antics. Just a precursor of things to come. Either embrace the fact that you are headed down a difficult path with this man or cut your losses and move on.

[ihateher]

Sorry you have to go through that. I just don't understand why these Bm's can't move on. Even if they are with someone they still try to destroy their ex's from being happy. My honest suggestion to you is to move on. You don't have any ties to this man. It's going to be hard since you probably love him but I assure you it's for the best. And you are saving yourself and your own children years of pain and drama that you don't need or want. I have been through he'll the last five years and dealt with it because I didn't want to allow her to ruin our happiness but if I could do it over again I wouldn't have. We have two children together now so I'm tied to him. I do love him but love wouldn't even have been enough to stay for what I've been through with her. Now I'm forced to live with her never ending drama and money hungriness for the sake of keeping my family together. You will find someone else just as great just don't settle. Good luck