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Post by darlingd on Mar 1, 2012 16:34:24 GMT -5
 so I've been with this guy for about 3 months. Granted I am young, I know that I want him and that I am crazy in love with him. However, although I've said I'll never leave him, it's been really tough keeping to my word. When we first started, his BM called me a homewrecker and a few other names and blamed all her misfortune on me. I didn't even start talking to him until they broke up. I would never break up a family like that. However, at first she was saying that the two of them were still sleeping together and then she left me alone for a couple months. Then out of nowhere early February she said that he was saying that he wants his family back and that he loves her and that he was trying to get her to move with him. At first I freaked out and was like well what's going on! He denied it all though, said he told her he was trying to move and wanted to throw the baby a nice birthday at his new place and that she was invited. Likely story since the plan was that I was eventually gonna move to go live with him and really, how stupid can he be? So a week after that one of her friends (a friend with one of my friends) called my friend up and said the BM said that when I leave she goes over there and she leaves right before I get there and that he is sleeping with her. So I freaked out again and went to his place in a crazy fit asking what's up and he still denied everything, he looked me straight in the eye everytime and denied it all. However, I went through his phone and there was a text from her saying "well you say you wanna leave town so you don't see me with other guys well payback's a b..." and he just said she's talking smack. After a few days I left it all alone, it all died down and she wrote me again calling me a dumb b and that she was with him a couple nights (when he was supposed to have been with a couple of his friends in the next town over) so I finally told her to leave me alone, I told her to quit coming at me with all this crap and if she is messing around with him it's whatever cause he still calls me his lady and she's just who she hated when he was with her. I blocked her on Facebook, changed my number, and now I'm moving to get away. I was genuinely happy for about a week until one of my other friends asked me if I'd seen some pictures. I asked her what she was talking about and she said they just looked friendly (whatever that's supposed to mean) and when I went to look for said pics they were gone. Later she said maybe it wasn't him cause him and his buddies all look the same and it was dark so maybe she was mistaken. However, I had already started freaking out and asked him about it. He doesn't know details, I just asked how it was in the mountains with her and her friend that was trying to start something previously. He didn't know what I was talking about and said that he should have told me about it and that he was in the wrong but nothing happened. He tried to lie and say that he went up with his brother and they just showed up but I know he was helping the friend move. This last event happened this last weekend and he hasn't asked what I heard and even wanted to talk about it all but when we were going to, he decided to just leave it alone and when I pressed it he got upset which made me upset and he was going to let me leave at 2 in the morning, not try to stop me, which of course hurt my feelings and I ended up staying crying in his bed while he rubbed my back. Throughout these last 3 months, we have had our problems, mainly me not feeling that he cares and her trying to get him back. If it's not one thing, it's another and we just can't seem to be happy for more than 2 seconds. I've decided that I'm going to try and work on myself and how I handle the way he is and all the BMD but I feel like I'm losing him, and what's worse is to her. My only fear is him leaving me to be with her again, she says he always goes back. I worry so much about her sticking her claws in and stealing him from me, I dream about it. I don't know what to do anymore and only 2 people have given positive advice that I want to listen to. I just need her to back off and let him be happy with me, she said she won't because of what I've done to her family and what he's done to her. Another thing that makes me wanna believe him. I'm just so in love and call it puppy love if you must but I know I want him. I just don't know what to do anymore...she is the root of our problems and I can't seem to cut her from my thoughts anymore  |
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Post by FlyLady on Mar 7, 2012 12:28:01 GMT -5
Sorry to parade on your relationship but it may just be that your BF is sleeping with his BM.I know what it means to be young and in love i'm 22 and in a similar situation but the twist is that I'm the BM in my situation and from my experience my BD and me are still sleeping together, like in every situation things happen we as adults need to know how to deal with it. You can't control what your heart feels if you really love this guy try and work things out but face reality he probably is still sleeping with his baby momma, most of the time they still are and that's why the drama begins. If your willing to accept that then move forward with your relationship and keep your distance from her until she learns how to act like a civilized person if not then I think you should just move on with your life and avoid yourself the unnecessary drama.
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Post by Guest on Mar 7, 2012 23:07:51 GMT -5
I know you love your man, but he should love you enough to put this to a stop. I see you say all the stuff that you have confronted him about, but I don't see where he has confronted his BM about what she is doing. I think you should give yourself space and put this relationship on ice for a while. I know you have heard the saying, "if you love something let it go, if it comes back its yours"... Basically it is not the end of the world if you guys take a break. Its not the end of the world if you end up not getting back together. It will just show that he didn't really love you as much as you thought. You are young and you have no children you're not married to the guy so you don't have to put up with this type of drama. Demand respect and the way you do that is by not putting up with it, no matter how much you love him, put your foot down. I do believe he is still sleeping with her, because if he wasn't he would make her stop with the lies. He would not let her mess up a relationship with a woman he truely loves. I would say don't give up on the relationship because ppl can change, but give yourself some space and let them work it out and "get over each other". Trust me, if he loves you, he will miss you and do what he can to get back in your life.. hope this helps! And I am speaking from experience, I am married a man that his BM was coming between us, and I basically said hey, either you want to be with me and be in your kids life, or you dont want to be with me and you want to be in your BM's life. Being in your childs life, doesn't mean being in your BM's life. you have to be cordial and have respect for each other, but your BM's life is her's and your life is yours.. that's how it should be if the person is choosing to move on to another relationship.
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lark
New Member
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Post by lark on Mar 26, 2012 0:01:14 GMT -5
Sweetheart, you keep saying you are so in love. Are you trying to convince us, or yourself, cuz love shouldn't hurt this much. It's your decision to make, but since you are on this board, I guess you want to hear other opinions.
I would step back and take a break from this relationship. Sometimes, when you are in the middle of things, it's hard to see the forest for the trees. Stepping outside of the relationship will allow you to see the whole picture and gain perspective. In you heart, I think you know what to do. You are just so used to what is familiar and routine, that you are afraid to leave. I think that you are just too weak and vulnerable to leave on your own, and are just waiting for him to either leave you are do something so terrible that you are pushed beyond your breaking point and leave. I have a feeling that time will be coming soon. When he comes to you with the news of another baby on the way, will this give you the strength to do what you need to do.
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so I've been with this guy for about 3 months. Granted I am young, I know that I want him and that I am crazy in love with him. However, although I've said I'll never leave him, it's been really tough keeping to my word. When we first started, his BM called me a homewrecker and a few other names and blamed all her misfortune on me. I didn't even start talking to him until they broke up. I would never break up a family like that. However, at first she was saying that the two of them were still sleeping together and then she left me alone for a couple months. Then out of nowhere early February she said that he was saying that he wants his family back and that he loves her and that he was trying to get her to move with him. At first I freaked out and was like well what's going on! He denied it all though, said he told her he was trying to move and wanted to throw the baby a nice birthday at his new place and that she was invited. Likely story since the plan was that I was eventually gonna move to go live with him and really, how stupid can he be? So a week after that one of her friends (a friend with one of my friends) called my friend up and said the BM said that when I leave she goes over there and she leaves right before I get there and that he is sleeping with her. So I freaked out again and went to his place in a crazy fit asking what's up and he still denied everything, he looked me straight in the eye everytime and denied it all. However, I went through his phone and there was a text from her saying "well you say you wanna leave town so you don't see me with other guys well payback's a b..." and he just said she's talking smack. After a few days I left it all alone, it all died down and she wrote me again calling me a dumb b and that she was with him a couple nights (when he was supposed to have been with a couple of his friends in the next town over) so I finally told her to leave me alone, I told her to quit coming at me with all this crap and if she is messing around with him it's whatever cause he still calls me his lady and she's just who she hated when he was with her. I blocked her on Facebook, changed my number, and now I'm moving to get away. I was genuinely happy for about a week until one of my other friends asked me if I'd seen some pictures. I asked her what she was talking about and she said they just looked friendly (whatever that's supposed to mean) and when I went to look for said pics they were gone. Later she said maybe it wasn't him cause him and his buddies all look the same and it was dark so maybe she was mistaken. However, I had already started freaking out and asked him about it. He doesn't know details, I just asked how it was in the mountains with her and her friend that was trying to start something previously. He didn't know what I was talking about and said that he should have told me about it and that he was in the wrong but nothing happened. He tried to lie and say that he went up with his brother and they just showed up but I know he was helping the friend move. This last event happened this last weekend and he hasn't asked what I heard and even wanted to talk about it all but when we were going to, he decided to just leave it alone and when I pressed it he got upset which made me upset and he was going to let me leave at 2 in the morning, not try to stop me, which of course hurt my feelings and I ended up staying crying in his bed while he rubbed my back. Throughout these last 3 months, we have had our problems, mainly me not feeling that he cares and her trying to get him back. If it's not one thing, it's another and we just can't seem to be happy for more than 2 seconds. I've decided that I'm going to try and work on myself and how I handle the way he is and all the BMD but I feel like I'm losing him, and what's worse is to her. My only fear is him leaving me to be with her again, she says he always goes back. I worry so much about her sticking her claws in and stealing him from me, I dream about it. I don't know what to do anymore and only 2 people have given positive advice that I want to listen to. I just need her to back off and let him be happy with me, she said she won't because of what I've done to her family and what he's done to her. Another thing that makes me wanna believe him. I'm just so in love and call it puppy love if you must but I know I want him. I just don't know what to do anymore...she is the root of our problems and I can't seem to cut her from my thoughts anymore 