Newly engaged: Fiance' has annoying BMD

[Annoyed2013]

Ok. My fiance' and I have been together for 4 years. We met in College during our freshman year and have been inseparable ever since. When we first met, he immediately told me about his son(who was born just 4 months before we met). At first, I was worried about the fact of him and the child's mother still being involved, but upon dating him, and meeting his family, I quickly realized that this was not the case. So I gladly continued to pursue our relationship, and here we are, 4 years later, engaged to be married February 14th, 2013 :-) I love his son with all of my heart, but his mother is an absolute pain in the a**! Ever since my fiance' and I started dating, she sends him text messages every now and then that say things like, "I still love you!" "I feel in my heart that we should be together", and so on. Needless to say, I find this very disrespectful. Not just toward him, but toward me and our whole entire relationship. His family cannot stand her either, just the mention of her name in his parents household drives them up the wall. She has done lots of things to them in the past that makes his family despise her. (I won't mention what those things are, but it's pretty bad) Any who, she just seems to not be over him. Don't get me wrong, I can only imagine how it feels to have a child from a man who no longer wants to be with you, it must really hurt emotionally to go through that. But in my opinion, that is no excuse to behave the way she does. She tries to use their son to manipulate my fiance' into getting back with her, and to me, that is sickening to USE YOUR CHILD AS BAIT. Overall, I really think that she's devastated at the fact that the father of her child is going to marry, have a family, and share a household with someone else. The fact that they were high school sweethearts, got pregnant, and had a child together did not stop him from being with someone else truly disappoints her. I hate to sound harsh, but I truly could care less about what they had in the past. I feel that she needs to grow up and get over it. Any advice??? Please no rude/snide comments please!

[jaylady999]

You are right. It is disgusting and I understand why you feel disrespected. I would too. At this point, he's gonna have to find a way to curb the nonsense. It is only going to get worse the closer yall get to marrying and then initially afterwards, its really gonna be a lot of nonsense from her. So get ready!

[lark]

Exactly. I went through the same thing. Make sure that you and fiance put up a united front and stay strong. The ride will only get worse before it gets better. Just be patient with your man and try not to get frustrated and disgusted with him. That's BM's game. she will try to cause tension and confusion in you marriage and take that to drive a wedge between the two of you. Don't let her.

[Kendall]

You have to stay focused on your future with him. Planning your wedding should help with that. As the other posters said, she will become more desperate. Do not put yourself in a position to be alone with her, ever. She sounds like the type to lie and say they are together behind your back or fight you.

My husband has children from an old relationship. They are almost out of high school. The mother is a few states away (thank goodness). She finds excuses to call or texts. He doesn't answer because he has custody and they have phones, she can call them. She calls them to ask questions about our personal lives.

I'm 4 months pregnant and she is really freaking out. She knows the kids will be out of the house soon and she will have no excuse to call. He will be starting a new family and she has no purpose anymore. As you and your fiancé build your lives together and start a family, the reality that she is just a baby mama will set in and will get worse. Luckily for you, his family does not like her so she can't use them to get to him. Maybe once reality sets in she'll move on.

IMO, all of these baby mamas are not by accident. With all of the available birth control, many were planned by the BM. Many are bitter because the baby didn't trap the man as hoped. If it were that easy, every woman who could conceive would choose the man they want to marry and get knocked up.

[hisqueen82]

She needs to get over it, move on, be a woman about it. After all these years she should not be hanging on. I suggest she seek professional help.