how to handle this situations? any advice?

[doinme28]

I'M NEW TO THIS SITE, THIS IS MY FIRST POST SO BARE WITH ME. RECAP: I HAVE A 4 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER BY THIS GUY. WE'VE BEEN DATING ON AND OFF FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS. OK SO I WOULD HEAR RUMORS OF HIM STILL HAVING SEX WITH HIS EX. (WHO DOESN'T LIVE IN OUR STATE NOW) BUT AFTER YEARS OF THE BOTH OF THEM LYING ABOUT ANYTHING GOING ON BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM, OUT POPS A CHILD WHO IS NOW 2. THE BABY MAMA WHO IS NOW MARRIED, WE'VE HAD OUR SHARE OF MYSPACE BEEF, FACEBOOK BEEF, AND ARGUMENTS WHEN SHE'S IN TOWN. BUT SINCE THE BIRTH OF HER DAUGHTER I ATTEMPTED TO SQUASH THE DRAMA AND DO WHAT WAS RIGHT FOR THE CHILDREN. I EMAILED HER AND HAD A CONVO ON THE PHONE ABOUT DROPPING IT. WELL WE DID. WE'VE HAD MANY CONVOS AND WHEN SHE IS IN TOWN, THE GIRLS GET TOGETHER FOR PLAY DATES. WE EVEN SEND PICS, AND BIRTHDAY CARDS. WELL SINCE THE FATHER IS IN MY DAUGHTERS LIFE AND NOT HER SISTERS, SHE (bm) RECENTLY DECIDED THAT IT WAS TOO MUCH ON HER DAUGHTER TO BE AROUND MY DAUGHTER. SHE SAYS THAT ITS TOO MUCH CONFUSION FOR HER SO SHE WILL LIKE IT IF WE WOULD KEEP OUR DISTANCE. SHE EVEN WENT AS FAR AS SAYING WHEN SHE'S IN TOWN AND I HAPPEN TO SEE HER IN THE STORE THEN YEAH THEY CAN SPEAK, BUT OTHER THEN THAT SHE WILL NOT GO OUT OF HER WAY TO LET HER DAUGHTER SEE MINE. SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T WANT HER CHILD AROUND MINE UNTIL SHE GROWS UP AND IS ABLE TO DECIDE ON HER OWN WHETHER SHE WANTS TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH MY BABY. THE ONLY REASON I'M PISSED ABOUT IT IS BECAUSE, WHEN I SAY I COULD NOT STAND THE BM...I COULDN'T STAND HER, I PUT EVERYTHING ASIDE FOR MY DAUGHTER. SO NOW AFTER MY DAUGHTER HAS BONDED WIT HER SIBLING, SHE WANTS TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HER BECAUSE SHES MAD THAT THEIR FATHER DOESN'T DO ANYTHING FOR HER DAUGHTER. I FEEL THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CHILDREN. MY DAUGHTER LOVES HER SISTER, AND WHEN SHE WAS IN TOWN A FEW WEEKENDS BACK, SHE CRIED AND CRIED BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO SEE HER, AND THE BM REFUSED. SHOULD I JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THE BM IS DOING THIS. I MEAN, I FEEL AS IF SHE'S CREATING PROBLEMS THAT PROBABLY WOULDN'T EXIST. Y TAKE HER AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER KNOWING THAT SHE ABSOLUTELY LOVES THE FACT THAT SHE HAS A LITTLE SISTER, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN Y WHEN HER SISTER IS IN TOWN AND JUST DOWN THE STREET (THE BM PARENTS LIVE ABOUT 5 MINUTES AWAY FROM US) BUT YET WE CANT STOP AND TALK OR THEY CANT PLAY TOGETHER ANYMORE. HOW SHOULD I HANDLE THIS SITUATION. I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE MY DAUGHTER HURT.

[nikki]

What is sounds like is that both of you ladies want what you think is best for your child not both of the children at hand. I say this because you stated that It hurts my daughter to not see her sister instead of this is only hurting both of the children. Granted the other BM is being selfish but if you just pray and let GOD handle it, it will work itself out. Maybe not today or even tommorow but trust me just in the knick of time and even when it matters the most. Alsp Baby Daddy needs to pick up the other child and bring them together it is no longer two parents co-parenting but now three. Good luck

[doinme28]

thank you for your reply. yeah i see your point. and about it hurting my child i said that because it does, i dont feel at the moment its hurting the other child only because she two years old. she's barely talking, but i imagine that when she gets older, it will probably have the same affect on her (hurt) but right now she isnt aware of anything going on. yeah the father does need to pick up the daughter which is a complete different story in itself. we live in louisiana and they are about 6 to 7 hours away. and when they are here in louisiana she doesnt let him see her, which is understandable since he doesnt call her when they are back home or pay his child support. i just feel that the problems they have going on between the two, have nothing to do with the children. its frustrating. but your input was great . thanx

[jaylady999]

I agree. She is doing what she thinks is best for her daughter. My bigger question is why is the BD not being a father to her, but being a father to yours? Just wondering...

[doinme28]

you know what, i have my thoughts about why he does, more for mine, and doesnt make any effort to do for hers, i feel that he is still in love with her, but is upset that right after having their daughter she got married.. smh idk. i do believe if she was closer, and i lived away, he would treat my child the same. hes young and immature, and let me rephrase "the he does for mine and not for hers statement" he does what he want to do for mine. I take care of my daughter AND if one day im in one of my moods and wanna let him know how much of a sorry dad he is...then he'll start doing little things for her, or picking her up more, or whatever. (WHICH DOESNT LAST LONG AT ALL) But he hasnt done not even that for hers. Maybe a pack of diapers, or something when she was a baby, other then that...HES DONE NOTHING. hes young and doesnt have any responsibility of his own. So i guess we've both realized we dont have time for it. but yeah i do go off when im in my mood. and then and only then does he wants to play daddy...hes just a sad case i tell ya.

[jaylady999]

Oh ok. That makes sense. I do still feel the same. She is looking for and perhaps even protecting her daughter. As a Mom, she's entitled. I understand that it may not be what you think is best for your daughter, but in this sitch, both of you would have to be on the same page in order for the sisters to have a relationship growing up. At this point, you're not. so I guess it is just one of those "is what it is" deals.