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Post by touchofjas on May 30, 2012 17:35:15 GMT -5
Hello its been a while and normally the straight forward advice i get from this site really helps me to look at things from a different perspective. Brief background... I am married to a great man who has a son from a previous relationship. My stepson lives with his mother and they have joint custody so its not uncommon for him to spend a few days with us and then a few with her he is 15 so its really his choice of where he wants to be. HIs mom is a lot more liberal with how she raises him my husband and I have never really agreed with her methods and the things he is involved in at 15 will blow your mind. My husband and I have a 5 yr old together and while I understand that my son and my stepson are brothers I dont feel comfortable with him around my son. My son is starting to pick up some of my stepsons bad habits and the other day I overheard him tell my son and I quote " YEAH LIL NIGGA WHEN YOU GET OLDER YOUR BROVA GONNA HAVE U IN THESE STREETS YOU GON PART OF MY TEAM" I almost lost mind...... stepsons mom promotes the street life but my husband and i stand for something different stepson is very disrespectful and my 5 yr old is picking up the rude slang and little hand gestures. Hubby and I agree stepson is not going to have a negative influence on my son and we have really cut back on the time he spends at our house but now BM is giving us the blues about us neglecting stepson and we dont want him anymore... but i feel like he is 15 and while we have explained what we will and wont allow he still chooses to do what he wants and we are not wrong for not wanting him to compromise the way we choose to raise our youngest son are we wrong........?
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Post by theonlymrs on May 30, 2012 18:23:56 GMT -5
I can understand you being concerned for your son and what he is influenced by. Your Dh cant throw in the towel on his older son though. He has to find a middle ground. Perhaps he can spend one on one time with his older son because it appears that the older son needs to be redirected. He may need to have a conversation with the BM so they can figure out how they will handle the OSS behavior.
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Post by recondite on Dec 17, 2012 10:56:25 GMT -5
In raising children you can't give up on them because of bad behavior. Most teenagers begin to act irrationally and irresponsibly as they find themselves. While it does not excuse his behavior he still needs his parents. You must enforce the rules of your household and institute consequences when they are not followed. Maybe make the consequences harsh so that he understands.
When your son grows up will you make him go stay elsewhere for bad behavior? Probably not. So why is it any different for his son? Find other ways to address and handle the problem. Counseling is a good way for him to talk out his issues and see what the behavior is stemming from.
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Post by adivineoriginal on Dec 17, 2012 21:29:58 GMT -5
Recondite offers a logical and sound perspective; she makes good points. To answer your question though, no you are not wrong. Ultimately, you have an obligation to do the best for YOUR son. It's unfortunate that the BM seems to nurture that type of mentality and behavior, but that's not really your problem. Maybe continue trying with him before he gets lost to the streets for good, but if he is still on this path then he is no longer welcome in your home. When BM starts the neglecting nonsense, make sure your husband reminds her that she is not helping the cause by promoting street life, according to what you wrote.
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