New To BMD :/

[swtmama1225]

We will start off with that, because that is how I have been feeling. A little background, my bf and I have been together 2 1/2 years. His BM and him were together off and on for 10 years since HS basically, they had two kids they are 8 and 6. I was friends with her in HS but after HS we stopped talking and hanging out all together if we saw each other in passing we would say hi that was it. I started dating him 2 yrs ago, once she found out it was me she was livid. And making up stuff and tryin to talk to him all the time about stuff other then the kids, he finally put a stop to it about a month or two after we started dating. Well when we moved in together she started being a pregnant dog basically, and started keeping the kids from him. At this time there was never any court visitation orders, they always had the kids every two days basically from the day they were born, when we moved in he went a good two months without seeing them period. I gave him money to start the ball rolling in court, to this day it still isn't resolved. He finally has a court order in place for every other weekend and wed afternoon till thurs night. Which is nothing like he had before we moved into together. Since court started almost 2 years ago, I have no longer been able to go with to pick up or drop of the kids with him, no school functions, nor picking them up from school or dropping them off, can't take them out for a couple of hours nor watch them for a couple of hours if my man needs to step out or if he is at work. He says this will stop after court is over in Nov. but honestly I don't believe it. He says its to protect the kids, because if she sees me in the car or something she says stuff to her oldest daughter, her son doesn't pay her any attention usually. Recently a social worker has been to the home, because of court and trial (she won't agree to anything in court nor joint custody so they are going to trial) and she told the social worker I buy them presents and has no beef with me. Her daughter said I play wii with them and get them surprises. So basically I am known as a woman who buys them stuff and thats it. I haven't been able to build a bond with them in any way because I am not allowed to. I guess I am just hurting because I am a mom to my 7 year old daughter with special needs, and being told I can't do something with my "step kids" hurts. this has been causing many fights with my man and I, mainly because I think he is catering to his BM and trying not to upset her anymore. Being told not to do stuff anymore with my step kids when I was able to in the very begining and now I can't do anything but his BM can have her best friend do it or other people is ridiculous. My BF and I plan on marrying within the next two years, but I just feel this court thing has put such a strain on us, and when I talk to him about it, I just get "I need to relax, and wait till court is all over". I understand I have no say so in those kids lives, I just want to form a bond with them so they know I am more then a woman who buys them stuff, and I am a person they can trust and talk to. Hell his BM left him a voice mail months and months ago saying "I can buy them stuff and I can do that all I want but I can't take them to school because I am not their mother." HIS BM never has taken them to school nor picked them up because she works 7am-3pm downtown Chgo. So she never does it! I just am at a loss right now, because I feel my BF doesn't care or doesn't wanna hear my mouth anymore, and I know he is hurting going thru all this and so are those kids, but I am in the middle, and an innocent bystandard and I am being attacked. Any advice from anyone who has been in the same boat as me?? Thanks!
Michelle