Post by maineak on Aug 16, 2012 10:28:27 GMT -5
Ok, so I have been a part of this drama for about 3 years. My now husbands BM is a total nutcase. I'm talking about calling the police and telling them we are harrassing and threatening her, to telling my husband she will accuse him of child molestation if he brings the kids to his house. (he visits and spends time with them at his moms home). OK so basically I can relate. What has worked out for us, and may not work for all, is just not giving BM any of our energy. We do not deal with her anymore at all. He used to try to call and talk to his kids and it always went from being about the kids, to being about her. She always got on the phone and started asking questions, and then I always became apart of the conversation like her saying "You don't do that when that bytch ask you for something". So we knew that trying to communicate with her is going to be forever drama. So fortunately, his mother and his BM get along ok so he just deals through his mother. She picks the kids up and he goes to visit with them there. He doesn't call BM or accept her calls. Doesn't go to her house for anything. He doesn't talk to her in any way shape or form. And drama is at a minimum.
When people have been in a relationship with someone and it is over with and they still want that person, they will try to get any energy from that person as they can, whether it is negative or positive energy, they don't care. They just want some kind of contact with that person. and for a lot of BM and BD they want to still have some control. They feel that other parent owes them something, especially if they have custody of the kids. For a while he stopped all communication at all, and also had to take a step back from the situation completely because we knew she would miss the good father that he is. AND SHE DID! So she realized she is not in control and no one has to put up with her childish antics. She will either stay in her lane or push her kids father out of their lives.
Misery loves company ladies and gentlemen! Don't entertain someone else's misery. If you don't have a person in the middle that can be the middle man for the situation where you don't have to deal with BM or BD, just try temporarily distancing yourself from the situation entirely. Trust me, they will realize what they lost if you are good parent like my husband. If they still don't get it and still can't stop the drama, then take that time away to make some legal adjustments that you need to like, visitation, etc. Child support is a good thing, it gives you rights that the BM or BD can not take away.
So I hope this helps some of you. Basically just stop dealing with BM or BD at all, find a middle man like a grand parent or aunt or uncle, that can minimize the drama, or just take a moment to distance yourself completely. Don't worry about what ppl say like you don't care about your kids and stuff like that because you know your motives and you are the one who is having to put up with the drama, and the drama is not good for the kids either.
When people have been in a relationship with someone and it is over with and they still want that person, they will try to get any energy from that person as they can, whether it is negative or positive energy, they don't care. They just want some kind of contact with that person. and for a lot of BM and BD they want to still have some control. They feel that other parent owes them something, especially if they have custody of the kids. For a while he stopped all communication at all, and also had to take a step back from the situation completely because we knew she would miss the good father that he is. AND SHE DID! So she realized she is not in control and no one has to put up with her childish antics. She will either stay in her lane or push her kids father out of their lives.
Misery loves company ladies and gentlemen! Don't entertain someone else's misery. If you don't have a person in the middle that can be the middle man for the situation where you don't have to deal with BM or BD, just try temporarily distancing yourself from the situation entirely. Trust me, they will realize what they lost if you are good parent like my husband. If they still don't get it and still can't stop the drama, then take that time away to make some legal adjustments that you need to like, visitation, etc. Child support is a good thing, it gives you rights that the BM or BD can not take away.
So I hope this helps some of you. Basically just stop dealing with BM or BD at all, find a middle man like a grand parent or aunt or uncle, that can minimize the drama, or just take a moment to distance yourself completely. Don't worry about what ppl say like you don't care about your kids and stuff like that because you know your motives and you are the one who is having to put up with the drama, and the drama is not good for the kids either.
