Winter Break Schedule

[recondite]

So winter break is upon us. Since BM did not take the time to address the time allottment I sent out an email which proposed a 50/50 split of the time between DH and BM.

The email looked like this:

Winter Break Schedule

SD receives 10 days for her Winter Break starting December 24, 2012. The schedule being proposed has been developed with a 50/50 split of that time. We have included a weekend schedule so that SD will have some time allotted to spend with her grandmother, if all parties agree.

Pickup from school: Friday, December 21, 2012 @3pm by BM
Drop Off at home: Tuesday, December 25, 2012 @10am by BM

Drop Off grandma: Friday, December 28, 2012 @6pm by SM
Pickup grandma: Monday, December 31, 2012 @tbd by BM

Drop Off at home: Friday, January 4, 2013 @10am by BM

NOTE: SD is required by her tutoring program to complete at least 3 hours per week of tutoring or she will be dropped from the program. She will need to be home on January 4th in order to allot time for her to complete the necessary 3 hours and attend her first girl scout meeting. After Winter Break we will return to our normal schedule.

Girl Scout Schedule

Girl Scout meetings are conducted on the 1st and 3rd Friday of each month. I selected this troop so that she will still have weekends open as to not infringe upon anyone's scheduled time with her. Pickups can occur directly after the girl scout meeting or Saturday morning. I will leave this option open until a decision has been rendered.

Please let DH know if this schedule is feasible. Thank you and have a blessed day!

Note: BM requested Christmas Eve because she gets that time PLUS Christmas morning, which is what we put in the custody agreement, and we agreed for arguments sake. BM also does not have internet access which is why my SD must be home to complete her at-home online tutoring program, which means I will have to have her complete 3 hours of tutoring in one day since BM refuses to take her to a library or complete anything she doesn't want to. I just don't ask her to do anything for SD and make sure I can get it done myself. The reason we do not pick up my SD is because BM would have to allow DH to pick her up in the mornings based on his work schedule because I refused to do it when she wanted me to at the time she felt I should (this has been a discussion in previous times). Also, BM has been unemployed for approximately 2 years now so the ONLY person whose work schedule is taken into consideration between DH and BM is his. If you KNOW that you have to pick up your child you should not make plans during that time. Just my own personal opinion.

Onto the show...

BM calls DH to tell him that the schedule doesn't work for her because she wants SD on Christmas Day this year since we had her last year. Fine. New schedule means she will drop SD off Sunday and pick her up Tuesday and drop her back off that evening because our time with SD begins the next day.

Nope. BM says that doesn't work for her either. So BM agrees to original schedule.

BM calls back. Now she wants to know why we get the first week of her winter break and she doesn't?

Everything there follows the visitation agreement to the T. She has no suggestions, but has several issues with what we proposed. Is it just me or is she looking for a reason to have an attitude? Were we unfair in our proposal?

[jaylady999]

Yes she is being very unreasonable just for the sake of doing so. Sucks.

I would have had more of an issue of a SM sending me any arrangements at all as if they are coming from her. But I am sure you already know how I feel about that one

Seriously though, as a SM, those are the things I wouldn't want to deal with when it comes to BM. DH can fight that battle with her and when they get it together, he can tell me what they have worked out. My SS will likely be living with us once we move into our home. Things will go as they always have. I will not be contacting BM for anything at all. DH can deal with her, and I can enjoy my SS. It is one of the beauties of being a steppie. I get to love on the kid without having to worry about dealing with the BM. ;D

[recondite]

In our case DH and BM can seldom come to any arrangements peaceably. So had we not come up with something we would be back in court because BM would be enraged that she wasn't able to spend time with SD over winter break. In her eyes, however blurry they maybe, it would be our fault and whose to say that a judge wouldn't accuse us of not "working with her" for the sake of my SD (we've heard it before).

Again, all situations are different. In my case she WANTS to communicate with me, but I am the one refusing so I thought that email would be appropriate to appease BM and the judge. I'm sure BM is not happy about it, but I think we would be in good standing with the judge. Also, it reflects very good on DH and I in court to show that we have tried to work with her and keep her actively involved even though she shows little to no interest in anything that does not benefit her and her ego.

I can truly tell you that the hands-off approach doesn't always fit every situation when the child lives with you. When something goes awry in your home regarding a child in your care things are different. You won't always be able to tell your DH to handle it. What if he's not around? It is supposed to be a joint effort in running your house as smoothly as possible. If the child is there he is now apart of that joint effort. It can become hectic, to say the least, to exclude the child and, in turn, make him feel that he is not apart of your family because you are not willing to "work with" DH regarding situations that from time to time may involve BM, but are in the best interest of the child.

I am only saying this because I 100% agree with not getting involved AT ALL. I have watched my SD suffer terribly because of it though. I refuse to allow the idiocracy of BM to keep my SD from leading a healthy and happy childhood for as long as she is in my care. Maybe you won't feel that way, but again, every situation is not black and white. The gray area can get kinda tricky.

[jaylady999]

I agree. And I am trying to foresee any situation that would call for me to deal with BM. I have to say, I am lucky that SS is 12 because if he were younger and DH had full custody, you are right, things might be different.