Post by texas254 on Apr 1, 2013 16:04:06 GMT -5
I am writing this in regards to my best friend. I am not a mother so I try and give advice based on what I’ve seen but at this point I want to give him good advice. His mother is more of a friend than a parent and his father is not much different. He got the first girl pregnant and she used the baby to steal thousands of dollars worth of items. CPS got involved and after a year of battling, him and his girlfriend at the time won custody of the baby boy. Since then she has been in and out of jail and he has been supporting him, he will be three this year. The second girl he got pregnant two weeks after they started dating, she had been the “other women” in his life for several years and had told him she’d have his kid at 23 (which she did). She has been with his friends and has two other kids by two other fathers, one child is handicap. She does have a job and gets food stamps. They broke up pretty soon after she told him she was pregnant, as he felt tricked into her getting pregnant and didn’t want a serious relationship with her. She had the baby and maybe four months later he got the third girl pregnant, who he had been with at the time of the CPS problems. She has a girl who has down syndrome and she has no job and I guess is living off the disability check she gets for her little girl. All three girls hate each other, key each others cars, start fights, trash each other on facebook. These girls are 24-28 years old by the way so they should be acting like grown women instead of how they act.
Here is my question. What can he do to keep his sanity, right now his belief is he has to keep all the BM’s happy, to me that seems like its going to be a neverending battle and he’s going to lose his sanity, since all of them hate each other so they can’t be around each other. The babies can’t be around the other women because each parent says so. When he doesn’t see the BM’s then he doesn’t see the babies. So he goes back and forth between them all week acting like they are in a relationship and then is with the next one the next week or day. I told him I don’t think they are ever going to be happy unless they are with him exclusively, therefore one/two are going to be unhappy. How can he have the best relationships with his sons? What can he do differently, other than stop populating, to keep his life and his sanity. These girls are crazy, literally. I get upset because the child he does have custody of seems to be getting the short end of the stick, because he only makes 8.50 and child support for two kids is like 200 once they finish the process. But not only does it take money from him, he’s always tired, and when he brings one of the babies the mother comes too so its like he’s sharing his daddy time with another women and another kid. Does that make sense? He doesn’t make time either for bonding time with just him and his son that stays with him. Then on holiday’s he should bring all of the kids instead of picking and choosing which mother and child to bring this holiday, its unfair otherwise.
Any help would be appreciated. Please remember I am not one of these women and I do agree he needs to stop having kids. :) But he has no guidance because he wants to be a part of their life, but I don’t think he knows how to be a parent, since his parents weren’t the best roll model.
Here is my question. What can he do to keep his sanity, right now his belief is he has to keep all the BM’s happy, to me that seems like its going to be a neverending battle and he’s going to lose his sanity, since all of them hate each other so they can’t be around each other. The babies can’t be around the other women because each parent says so. When he doesn’t see the BM’s then he doesn’t see the babies. So he goes back and forth between them all week acting like they are in a relationship and then is with the next one the next week or day. I told him I don’t think they are ever going to be happy unless they are with him exclusively, therefore one/two are going to be unhappy. How can he have the best relationships with his sons? What can he do differently, other than stop populating, to keep his life and his sanity. These girls are crazy, literally. I get upset because the child he does have custody of seems to be getting the short end of the stick, because he only makes 8.50 and child support for two kids is like 200 once they finish the process. But not only does it take money from him, he’s always tired, and when he brings one of the babies the mother comes too so its like he’s sharing his daddy time with another women and another kid. Does that make sense? He doesn’t make time either for bonding time with just him and his son that stays with him. Then on holiday’s he should bring all of the kids instead of picking and choosing which mother and child to bring this holiday, its unfair otherwise.
Any help would be appreciated. Please remember I am not one of these women and I do agree he needs to stop having kids. :) But he has no guidance because he wants to be a part of their life, but I don’t think he knows how to be a parent, since his parents weren’t the best roll model.