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Post by imjusayin on Apr 21, 2013 17:58:48 GMT -5
I can't help but to compare BMD as a form of bullying.
Whereas, BM uses her gender/status as a means of getting her way.
In the case in which she doesn't get her way with the father, she then resorts to put downs, verbal abuse, alienating...etc.
What say you?
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Post by jaylady999 on Apr 21, 2013 19:24:30 GMT -5
Depending on the BM, I do agree.  And to add to that, the playing games with the kids, like "if I dont get my way, you dont get to see your kids". Pathetic. |
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Post by truthbtold on Apr 21, 2013 20:04:37 GMT -5
Eh, I kind of see where you are going with this. However, a key part of what bullying is - badgering and intimidating smaller or weaker people (emphasis on the bolded). To that extent, unsure if I agree but do see what you are saying.
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Post by jaylady999 on Apr 22, 2013 14:21:10 GMT -5
IMO, the fact that the BM usually has access to the kid, means that she is in a much stronger position than the BD. So in that sense, he is weaker. Unfortunately.  |
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Post by imjusayin on Apr 23, 2013 18:06:04 GMT -5
That would be exactly my point Jaylay  . In most cases, BM is the one with the child, placing the father in a weak position thus giving BM the upper hand and power to intimidate the father in order to get her way. Father's love for his child(ren) = Weakness (in BM's eyes) Sadly |
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Post by truthbtold on Apr 23, 2013 19:47:09 GMT -5
Okay...well...men have access to the Courts to establish visitation etc., which cuts down on the whole "you are not going to see your child nonsense" or whatever else. Maybe if some men start asserting themselves and utilizing resources and stop either being lazy or acting helpless, maybe this "bullying" stuff would subside. I am looking at it like that. *shrugs* Whatever.
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Post by jaylady999 on Apr 23, 2013 20:54:59 GMT -5
Getting their rights established is one thing, enforcing a BM who is hellbent on making life miserable for the BD is a totally other issue. I've seen how it plays out in court for these men. It's pretty sad to watch actually. Child support is taken out every paycheck, that is enforced just fine. But a vindictive BM totally has the court on her side if she wants to make life challenging for him. Delayed and non appearances in court when she doesnt make the kid available to the BD for visits, etc. It is not as cut and dry as just going to court for rights. I am not taking up for the father's per se. But they are absolutely at a disadvantage in these situations no matter how you look at it. I would hate to be at someone else's mercy if that someone has an agenda that is self serving.  |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2013 11:48:26 GMT -5
Okay...well...men have access to the Courts to establish visitation etc., which cuts down on the whole "you are not going to see your child nonsense" or whatever else. Maybe if some men start asserting themselves and utilizing resources and stop either being lazy or acting helpless, maybe this "bullying" stuff would subside. I am looking at it like that. *shrugs* Whatever. On my husband's behalf this isnt always as simple as it seems. You cant just go into court and say I want visitation. It takes MONEY and in our case, we have 3 children of our own, my husband pays child support for his other 2 girls with BM and we have bills that are never ending. So to have $1500 just sitting there available for an attorney NOT HAPPENING anytime soon. Yes, you would think we could save and Im sure we could but its like everytime we turn around the girl is either trying to raise child support or lately everything has been going to crap, our stove blew-had to get a new one, our basement flooded, had to re-do all that to avoid mold and bacteria from growing, then the fridge went out. IT IS NOT EASY FOR ANY OF US! SO its BULLcrap that a man has to pay child support yet doesnt get visitation established. My husbands child support order was established bc the BM got welfare so the state came after him which is A okay...but my point is, she DIDNT have to pay for that lawyer and now she is making better money at her waitressing job so the CS goes to her now and she didnt have to do anything to enforce it. On the other hand my husband has to come up with not only child support (that the heffer spends the majority of on beer) but now we have to ALSO hire a lawyer just for him to see his kids bc the BM wants to act CHILDISH, CRAZY, BITTER and RESENTFUL! F*CK THAT! |
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Post by imjusayin on Apr 24, 2013 14:58:25 GMT -5
Okay...well...men have access to the Courts to establish visitation etc., which cuts down on the whole "you are not going to see your child nonsense" or whatever else. Maybe if some men start asserting themselves and utilizing resources and stop either being lazy or acting helpless, maybe this "bullying" stuff would subside. I am looking at it like that. *shrugs* Whatever. Hell, I'd feel helpless and apprehensive too if a crazy BM was out to seek to ruin my life and/or any potential of having a future with someone new. There is no "Winning", when you're up against a bitter, spiteful, manipulatively scorned woman. And most BM's know this. That's why they push. As the other ladies stated, it's not always as cut & dry as "utilizing the court system". You, apparently haven't had the opportunity of experiencing what it's like on the opposing end. I can spot a CBM mentality from a mile away |
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Post by truthbtold on Apr 24, 2013 15:50:11 GMT -5
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And to add to that, the playing games with the kids, like "if I dont get my way, you dont get to see your kids". Pathetic.
. In most cases, BM is the one with the child, placing the father in a weak position thus giving BM the upper hand and power to intimidate the father in order to get her way.
