Dealing with the somebody else's baby mama...

[downazzchick]

Funny after getting rid of my own drama I find myself with questions about somebody else issues....

We'll here goes...I know it's long..

My brother was with this girl and of course got her prego and he went on to the next female leaving her in the cold..The baby arrives and I immediately jump into auntie mode trying to do any and everything I can for the baby.. I get along well with my nieces mother and she welcomed any visits and items bought for the baby. However my dog of a brother is a dead beat dad and has done nothing for this child. I on the other hand try to call her several times a month and keep her at least 2 weekends out the month..I love "my" baby and I know she loves me too.. I will do anything for her but it's not my responsibility to support her financially.. So after 2 years she finally takes him to court and paternity is questioned by him. During this time I have never questioned and remained quiet about the court proceedings..i remained a neutral party with no opinion on what was going on. I have continued to have a relationship with the baby no matter what..The last and final court date was recently and she was found to belong to him ( yay for DNA) and child support as well as back child support was set up.. Now this has nothing to do with me right.. Reality is The baby spent the whole summer with me 3-4 times a week and now her mother refuses to allow her to visit? I'm sick because I have no control over this.. I have text her to pick her up for the past 3 weekends and she refuses to allow her to come. Before the paternity she was basically throwing her at me sending texts to me talking bout the baby miss her Auntie and texting me pics of her saying Auntie come get me. I don't even get along with my brother because of how he treats the baby.. And now this.. I'm glad she got everything set up for her baby and I'm sure she's still mad at him but I have done nothing and now I'm out in the cold..

I need all the advice I can get...help if ya can..

[jaylady999]

That is definitely a different spin on things. Wow.

I would have to liken this to this being the mother of your man's kid even though I realize it is your brother's kid. I say that because as SMs, we all roll the dice and take chances. We form relationships with our skids not thinking ahead about the "what ifs". What if my DH and I were to divorce? Would my life still involve my skids at all? Just replace the DH with your brother and I think you are in the same boat. Unfortunately, I don't think there is much, if anything, you can do except to hope she comes around and allows you to continue a relationship with the kid.

Maybe you being in her kid's life when the daddy isn't is painful for her. I don't know, just kinda grasping at straws. It sort of seems as if she has her CS set up and now she doesn't want anyone in your brother's family to have anything to do with the kid if he is refusing to have anything to do with the kid.

[downazzchick]

Thanks.. Just trying to figure out a way to not sever this relationship. He has clearly stated that her mom was a one night fling and it is just not fair to this baby..Im sure he will mature later because he is still young.. She is apart of my family no matter what..

[truthbtold]

Sorry, but there is nothing that you can about it. We don't know what her motives are for now alienating you from the baby's life, but I would think that she knows you are still here for your niece. Give her time. Don't force it by constantly reaching out. Hopefully, sooner than later, she will realize that this is seemingly unnecessary and unfair to your niece. Sometimes people take things out on the wrong person or people because they cannot get to their intended target. I don't know. I know it bothers you and it hurts I am sure, but there is nothing you can do. Sorry, but no need to overly stress yourself about it.

[downazzchick]

Thanks truthbtold.. I will try not to pressure her and let her come to me in her own time.. My son who is 4 says he misses his "sister" which of course is his cousin but he feels jusy that close to her..