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Post by thegoodgirl on Oct 15, 2013 11:48:14 GMT -5
What is a CO? (new to the board and the acronyms : )
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Post by truthbtold on Oct 15, 2013 12:13:41 GMT -5
What is a CO? (new to the board and the acronyms : ) CO = Court Order I believe. Jay and Tellit hit all the nails on the head. The only thing I will say is that early on you might not be privy to their interactions and stuff just yet, so a question such as "How's your relationship with your child's mothers?" etc., is appropriate. Now whether or not that person will be totally forthright is the question, but if things continue to progress, his actions will ultimately confirm what's true or not. Some men will try and downplay or even outright lie about it because they don't want to be disqualified as dating material because they have children and subsequent drama that often accompanies it. |
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Post by jaylady999 on Oct 15, 2013 17:41:28 GMT -5
Yep CO= Court Order My coparenting situation with BD has never involved the courts. Not for child support or for visitation. I wouldn't suggest it for anyone else, but it has definitely worked for us! And as Truth said, as for the BM and BD dealings, all will definitely come out in due time. Sometimes all you have to do is sit back and watch  |
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Post by thegoodgirl on Oct 15, 2013 19:21:52 GMT -5
Thanks for all the advice and info. I am taking this to heart.
In his case - I do believe she is controlling him - however he had no business telling her anything about our relationship or lying to me about the true nature of their relationship and how much time they spend together. The comment she made about them having sex was over the top - she had no need to go there. All child support payments are made between them vs going through the proper legal channels to record payment. He fears her taking him to court for nonpayment should she decide to report him while still collecting payment on the side. This may be why he tries to appease her and lets her get away with taking liberties. By the time he figures out what is really going on - it will be too late. His to own. Moving on.... : )
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Post by truthbtold on Oct 15, 2013 19:49:03 GMT -5
Thanks for all the advice and info. I am taking this to heart. In his case - I do believe she is controlling him - however he had no business telling her anything about our relationship or lying to me about the true nature of their relationship and how much time they spend together. The comment she made about them having sex was over the top - she had no need to go there. All child support payments are made between them vs going through the proper legal channels to record payment. He fears her taking him to court for nonpayment should she decide to report him while still collecting payment on the side. This may be why he tries to appease her and lets her get away with taking liberties. By the time he figures out what is really going on - it will be too late. His to own. Moving on.... : ) Yes, moving on.............Regarding the underlined, another HUGE mistake these men make which is, not having receipts and documentation for payments not ordered through the Court. Some of these men act brain dead. |
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Post by jaylady999 on Oct 15, 2013 21:53:36 GMT -5
Yes, moving on.............Regarding the underlined, another HUGE mistake these men make which is, not having receipts and documentation for payments not ordered through the Court. Some of these men act brain dead.
Yep, I agree. This is what Tellit meant by using this as a means to control the BD. They are scared the BM will eventurally take them to court so they go all out to keep the peace, by any means necessary. Ick.
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Post by truthbtold on Oct 16, 2013 18:08:50 GMT -5
Yep, I agree. This is what Tellit meant by using this as a means to control the BD. They are scared the BM will eventurally take them to court so they go all out to keep the peace, by any means necessary. Ick. [/quote]
Right, but what I am saying is that if a man is paying child support without having went through the Courts, he needs to be keeping a paper trail just in case the BM acts up and decides to take him to Court and if so, he would have no proof of payments. She can easily say that he doesn't pay and he would have no way of proving that he does. Can you imagine being ordered to pay back child support as if you never paid? Are we saying the same thing? LOL.
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Post by jaylady999 on Oct 16, 2013 19:15:52 GMT -5
Thing is, in my state, technically, if there is no court order for child support, everything the BD is doing for the kid(receipts and records or not) is considered gifts. It can't be child support if legally he doesn't owe it. So yes, right now, I could take BD to court for CS, knowing he has given the agreed upon amount every single month for 16 years and all that he has paid means zilch. He could be on the hook for child support backpay for the last 16 years as if he ha never paid it. It is at the judge's discretion and my state is known for being a pro BM state, especially when the parents were never married. It sucks, but it's true  If I were a BD in my state, BM wouldn't have to take me to court, I'd take her to court and make sure it is all on record to avoid the drama. LOL |
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Post by truthbtold on Oct 16, 2013 21:18:11 GMT -5
Thing is, in my state, technically, if there is no court order for child support, everything the BD is doing for the kid(receipts and records or not) is considered gifts. It can't be child support if legally he doesn't owe it. So yes, right now, I could take BD to court for CS, knowing he has given the agreed upon amount every single month for 16 years and all that he has paid means zilch. He could be on the hook for child support backpay for the last 16 years as if he ha never paid it. It is at the judge's discretion and my state is known for being a pro BM state, especially when the parents were never married. It sucks, but it's true If I were a BD in my state, BM wouldn't have to take me to court, I'd take her to court and make sure it is all on record to avoid the drama. LOL. Ha, ha, girl you ain't never lied. Riiiiiiiiight, I believe I've heard stuff like this before  . I would assume it varies state to state. That is most the backwards thing ever. Gifts? Wow. Jesus, take the wheel. Your BD is lucky that you have a different type of mentality and personality  |
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Post by jaylady999 on Oct 17, 2013 18:05:46 GMT -5
Yeah, it definitely differs from state to state. My state plays very hard ball with BDs of unwed BMs. As for BD, I am not sure why he trusted me the way he did. I was the typical woman scorned who had been cheated on and lied to by this very same man  He was very lucky that I have never and still don't have any interest in withholding his son from him, playing games with him re our son or anything else that would have made it difficult for him to have a meaningful relationship with his son. He's a great father, so it was a win win for everbody, especially our son. |
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Post by uhubwuz on Oct 3, 2019 14:55:39 GMT -5
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