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Post by Tellit on Oct 28, 2013 16:48:40 GMT -5
Hi everyone, I reached out to her asking if she would want to meet to get to know each other as I thought this would be good due to me being a big role in her child's life. She agreed to this. Instead of the meeting getting to know us it turned into her pregnant doging about him now being their for her during the pregnancy. She said "I think that he needs to be focusing on the baby and he should not be in a relationship right now".--- I just think that is crazy! I don't know why she felt this way.... when I asked her why she just said "just because"
This is NOT your fight. You were not a part of making the kid so you don't get a voice or a say in parenting, custody, etc.
The BM what most do in that situation. She tried to place doubt in your mind about your BF. I made the mistake once of communicating with the BM & she tried to run down my DH every chance she could get.The BM is not YOUR problem. Don't contact her and don't allow her to contact you. You can support your man by being his ear while not dealing with the BM AT.ALL.They went to court with him asking for 50/50 custody to find that she is asking for full custody. He was granted 2 overnights a week for temporary visitation and it was strictly not 50/50 because it was not the states "standard" to allow fathers visitation for a 2 month old. This really frustrates me more...I'm a social worker that has worked as a CPS and case manger in child welfare. I know the long term damage it will cause on a child to not have a father involved and how behind the court systems are with fathers rights. Both parents are fit parents. I 100% understand if a mother if fighting for full custody if the dad is a dead beat but in this case he is not. He has doctored degree with a good paying full time job. He has a house and is able to provide. In my mind how in the world can a mother feel that its in a child best interest to not have a perfectly fit father not be involved. Also, why would she be so two faced and actually go through with a schedule saying she wants joint and change her mind.
If your BF continues doing what he is doing he will get more time. Tell him not to give up. His child will appreciate him for it one day. But, YOU don't allow yourself to get upset. Remember, you do not have a dog in this fight. In my eyes she kept this child to fill a void in her life and for child support and now this child must grow up with one parent that is very selfish. I was very nice to her( I truly was) and was going to continue as long as she agreed to 50/50 with everything. Once she filed for full I did text her letting her know that I felt that she was being self-centered and emotionally damaging a child for what??? her own needs... I said a few other things.....but I asked many people ( all who said I had very valid points) also, knowing that this text could be used again me or him court. I ensured to make no threats in this message.
You have given her a weapon/ammunition to use against your BF so you did more harm than good. Remember, it is not your child. She is now bargaining her child telling him that he would have visits if I was not around etc... she does not want her child around me....Since this time I have apologized to her for calling her a couple names and that I will be staying out of it for now on.
Remember, you are his support but you should not be directly involved in the madness. It is their mess. Let them figure it out. Has anyone had to deal with baby mama drama from a one night stand? Dating someone before yourself and the parent of the child even knew the baby existed? Thank you for reading my story...
I felt like I had to "save" my DH from her evilness when he didn't need to be saved. He actually knew how to deal with her better than me. I had to learn to disengage myself from their parenting situation. I think that is what you need to do. Disengage, not your child, not your problem. Listen, be a shoulder, but be a little less involved.
Honey, if you decide to stay with this guy (marriage), he will be dealing with the BM for a LONG time. Think about whether or not you can do it or if he is worth it. If the answer is "no", walk away. If the answer is "yes", disengage. It will keep you sane.[/quote] |
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Post by truthbtold on Oct 28, 2013 18:04:02 GMT -5
Hi everyone, I have came to this web for hopes of finding some guidance and support as I feel very alone at this time. I have many friends and family who have been very supportive however, have yet to find someone who can relate. As I went to many web cites in hopes to find someone who is in the same position of me. I'm finding out that all stories are different however, many of them are similar. I have yet to find one person or situation that was very similar to mine. So here is my baby mama story and please reach out if you are in a very similar situation. Here it goes... I'm 25 years old I met a guy through friends in which he is 28 in November 2012. We went on are first date the last week of November 2013. After are first date It was like love at first sight for the both of us. We truly fallen in loved fast. In mid January 2013, he got a phone call from a one night stand ( yes, it truly was a one night stand in November, I asked her) saying she was pregnant and that their was a chance it was his. ( they both have the same friends however, never hung out with each other) ( she even had to ask around from people to get his phone number to tell him she was pregnant) We went on with are life knowing their was a good chance that this child was his however, their was always the possibility it was not. We decided to stay together. He told her that he was in support of having an abortion or giving the child up for adoption however, if she would decide to keep the baby he told her that he wanted to be involved in this child life. The day the baby was born he got DNA testing done and found out the results 1 week later to find the baby was his. Since this time she was only allowing supervised visitation the first month. Due to this he got an attorney and filed for visitation when the baby was 2 weeks old. He has asked/ filed for joint custody. She reports that she if very upset and hurt that he was not their during the pregnancy. Which really frustrates me because it was a 1 night stand they were not/never a couple. I don't see how she would be upset with this. Since the time the child has been born he has 100% been involved and would have 3-5 visit per a week at her house. I reached out to her asking if she would want to meet to get to know each other as I thought this would be good due to me being a big role in her child's life. She agreed to this. Instead of the meeting getting to know us it turned into her pregnant doging about him now being their for her during the pregnancy. She said "I think that he needs to be focusing on the baby and he should not be in a relationship right now".--- I just think that is crazy! I don't know why she felt this way.... when I asked her why she just said "just because" they came up with a transition schedule to get them to joint visitation for the child by the time they went to court in October 2013. He asked her if she was still agreed with doing joint custody and he asked if there would be no surprises in court she said " no surprised and I think it would be in xxx best interest to have both parents involved" They went to court with him asking for 50/50 custody to find that she is asking for full custody. He was granted 2 overnights a week for temporary visitation and it was strictly not 50/50 because it was not the states "standard" to allow fathers visitation for a 2 month old. This really frustrates me more...I'm a social worker that has worked as a CPS and case manger in child welfare. I know the long term damage it will cause on a child to not have a father involved and how behind the court systems are with fathers rights. Both parents are fit parents. I 100% understand if a mother if fighting for full custody if the dad is a dead beat but in this case he is not. He has doctored degree with a good paying full time job. He has a house and is able to provide. In my mind how in the world can a mother feel that its in a child best interest to not have a perfectly fit father not be involved. Also, why would she be so two faced and actually go through with a schedule saying she wants joint and change her mind. In my eyes she kept this child to fill a void in her life and for child support and now this child must grow up with one parent that is very selfish. I was very nice to her( I truly was) and was going to continue as long as she agreed to 50/50 with everything. Once she filed for full I did text her letting her know that I felt that she was being self-centered and emotionally damaging a child for what??? her own needs... I said a few other things.....but I asked many people ( all who said I had very valid points) also, knowing that this text could be used again me or him court. I ensured to make no threats in this message. She is now bargaining her child telling him that he would have visits if I was not around etc... she does not want her child around me....Since this time I have apologized to her for calling her a couple names and that I will be staying out of it for now on. Has anyone had to deal with baby mama drama from a one night stand? Dating someone before yourself and the parent of the child even knew the baby existed? Thank you for reading my story... Tellit is spot on in her replies; she truly is. You are really doing waaaay too much. From speaking with her confirming that it was a one-night stand to texting her letting her know your thoughts, to calling her names is way out-of-line and honestly, none of your business. Personally, I would have never answered any of your questions or even talked to you. You also mentioned that you will have a big role in the child's life? Big? Again, some of the new S/O are a bit out-of control, over eager, and definitely overstate their importance. Also, from what it appears, your boyfriend allows your contact with her and to me, that definitely further spells a recipe for disaster. A high quality man that has control of his situations and life would not allow this at all. He would handle his affairs without your assistance in that manner  . " I was very nice to her( I truly was) and was going to continue as long as she agreed to 50/50 with everything." *blank stare* Girl, get a life. I don't know what type of people are being supportive of your behavior, but they are doing you a huge disservice. The most glaring difference between getting involved with someone that you knew beforehand had a child(ren) and a situation where a child surfaces during a relationship, is obviously the not knowing factor and perhaps a situation where someone is not interested in a man with kid(s) and here one pops us. That information may have a huge impact on the relationship. Nonetheless, under whatever circumstances a child was conceived, doesn't change the fact that a S/O needs to stay out of it and support from a distance. " I will be staying out of it for now on" As it should have been from the git, but you are waayy to emotionally invested and involved (and hiding behind a profession and what you believe long-term impact is does not provide an exception for you), so don't know how true this will be. |
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Post by truthbtold on Oct 28, 2013 18:07:00 GMT -5
Tellit wrote,
"I felt like I had to "save" my DH from her evilness when he didn't need to be saved. He actually knew how to deal with her better than me."
Riiiight. This need of women to come in and "save" the day or show the BM something, etc., is totally erroneous and insecure thinking. You seemingly have a man that knows how to handle his affairs and that's where it begins and ends. Good for you.
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Post by jaylady999 on Oct 28, 2013 18:42:59 GMT -5
I'm 25 years old I met a guy through friends in which he is 28 in November 2012. We went on are first date the last week of November 2013. After are first date It was like love at first sight for the both of us. We truly fallen in loved fast. In mid January 2013, he got a phone call from a one night stand ( yes, it truly was a one night stand in November, I asked her) saying she was pregnant and that their was a chance it was his. ( they both have the same friends however, never hung out with each other) ( she even had to ask around from people to get his phone number to tell him she was pregnant) We went on with are life knowing their was a good chance that this child was his however, their was always the possibility it was not. We decided to stay together. You seem to think that the fact she got pregnant via one night stand somehow diminishes her rights as BM as far as any new GF or wife of his is concerned. It doesn't. That child's conception still happened before you, my position of "deal with your man only and let him deal with the BM" still stands. She reports that she if very upset and hurt that he was not their during the pregnancy. Which really frustrates me because it was a 1 night stand they were not/never a couple. I don't see how she would be upset with this. Why would what she thinks or feel even register on your radar? Let alone, frustrate you? Again, too much mental head space you are giving her.I reached out to her asking if she would want to meet to get to know each other as I thought this would be good due to me being a big role in her child's life. Why? Seriously, as a BM, I would have thought you were crazy for reaching out to me at all with regards to a kid that is not yours. She agreed to this. Instead of the meeting getting to know us it turned into her pregnant doging about him now being their for her during the pregnancy. I wouldn't have expected anything less from her. You opened the door for her and she walked right on through it.
She said "I think that he needs to be focusing on the baby and he should not be in a relationship right now".--- I just think that is crazy! I don't know why she felt this way.... when I asked her why she just said "just because" You really should spend a lot less time trying to figure out why she thinks the way she does or why she feels the way she does. You will likely never reconcile her feelings. they came up with a transition schedule to get them to joint visitation for the child by the time they went to court in October 2013. He asked her if she was still agreed with doing joint custody and he asked if there would be no surprises in court she said " no surprised and I think it would be in xxx best interest to have both parents involved" Unfortunately, what YOU think doesn't matter one bit to that child's mother. They went to court with him asking for 50/50 custody to find that she is asking for full custody. He was granted 2 overnights a week for temporary visitation and it was strictly not 50/50 because it was not the states "standard" to allow fathers visitation for a 2 month old. I hate how the system treats fathers as second rate parents, but for now, I guess that is just how it is  In my mind how in the world can a mother feel that its in a child best interest to not have a perfectly fit father not be involved. That's how it SHOULD be in a perfect world, but we don't live in one of those. So unfortunately, the BM gets the say, especially when the child is newborn/infant age. It sucks for the BD, but any suckage that the GF feels, she is bringing on herself. In my eyes she kept this child to fill a void in her life and for child support and now this child must grow up with one parent that is very selfish. Wow. You really have this all figured out huh? You have no right to question why another woman kept her child. Honestly, that is none of your business. I am just keeping it real. I was very nice to her( I truly was) and was going to continue as long as she agreed to 50/50 with everything. You are saying this as if you are doing her a favor. BD in my situation had a GF just like you once. She really thought she was an important part of me and BDs coparenting relationship. She was in for a rude awakening.
Once she filed for full I did text her letting her know that I felt that she was being self-centered and emotionally damaging a child for what??? her own needs... I said a few other things.....but I asked many people ( all who said I had very valid points) also, knowing that this text could be used again me or him court. I ensured to make no threats in this message. Are you kidding me? ? You sent her a text letting her know how YOU felt? That is ridiculous. Do you really think she cares how you felt? SMDH.She is now bargaining her child telling him that he would have visits if I was not around etc... she does not want her child around me....Since this time I have apologized to her for calling her a couple names and that I will be staying out of it for now on. Wow. And you called her names too? I wouldn't want you around my child either. You seem to have a very high sense of self importance in this situation. Has anyone had to deal with baby mama drama from a one night stand? Dating someone before yourself and the parent of the child even knew the baby existed? Thank you for reading my story... As I said before, the fact that it was a one night stand does not change the fact that at the end of the day, this is between your man and the BM. Stand back, breathe, support him, but let him deal with her. I can already tell that your involvement has done nothing but cause confusion. |
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Post by my2cents on Oct 29, 2013 9:45:44 GMT -5
You seem to think that the fact she got pregnant via one night stand somehow diminishes her rights as BM as far as any new GF or wife of his is concerned. It doesn't. That child's conception still happened before you, my position of "deal with your man only and let him deal with the BM" still stands. **So had this woman got pregnant AFTER she met her boyfriend, would that make a difference? I say this bc you emphasize the conception happening BEFORE her.*** I reached out to her asking if she would want to meet to get to know each other as I thought this would be good due to me being a big role in her child's life. Why? Seriously, as a BM, I would have thought you were crazy for reaching out to me at all with regards to a kid that is not yours. ***I agree with this, you are his GIRLFRIEND, haha-you are by NO means a "BIG" part of her childs life. You sound ridiculous*** In my eyes she kept this child to fill a void in her life and for child support and now this child must grow up with one parent that is very selfish. Wow. You really have this all figured out huh? You have no right to question why another woman kept her child. Honestly, that is none of your business. I am just keeping it real. ***^^Very true as well! Its not for you to figure out, it has NOTHING to do with you whether she kept her child or not, your approval is not needed*** Once she filed for full I did text her letting her know that I felt that she was being self-centered and emotionally damaging a child for what??? her own needs... I said a few other things.....but I asked many people ( all who said I had very valid points) also, knowing that this text could be used again me or him court. I ensured to make no threats in this message. Are you kidding me?? You sent her a text letting her know how YOU felt? That is ridiculous. Do you really think she cares how you felt? SMDH.***REALLY! What the HELL? I am starting to gather that you are about 20 years old, if that! You sound so silly right now! She did NOT have a child WITH YOU! Youre dillusional*** She is now bargaining her child telling him that he would have visits if I was not around etc... she does not want her child around me....Since this time I have apologized to her for calling her a couple names and that I will be staying out of it for now on. Wow. And you called her names too? I wouldn't want you around my child either. You seem to have a very high sense of self importance in this situation. I personally have delt with my man having a baby with someone from a one night stand (cheating on me at that). It was very ugly and it took years and years to realize I am not running anything in that situation. I mean I could if I wanted to be crazy but I tried that, it got me nowhere. Ive come to realize it between my husband and this girl! I will help out and support him and love the children if ever we do get to see them, but I am irrelevant. FIGURE that out, and hell you arent even married to this man!
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Post by truthbtold on Oct 29, 2013 16:16:11 GMT -5
[/quote]Tellauthor=chellylthomp board=general thread=1498 post=24134 time=1383077558]
it is spot on in her replies;
- I have a hard time understand this.... If I got pregnant with a boyfriend I would assume that we were planning to be together forever (most people don't get in a relationship and have a baby without feeling this). If we would break up it would really upset me to know that our child would not be raised in a home together and to think another women is going to involved in my children life would be very hard. However, in this current situation ( they were never together) I think its very unrealistic to say that I wont play an important role in this child's life.
Just because YOU think something doesn't make it so for everyone else. While I don't understand one-night stands and then bringing in a child, still doesn't negate anything. Just means a great deal of learning, etc., on the way on the part of the BIO-parents. You are really trying to diminish her because it was a one-night stand and let's not forget, one your boyfriend participated in as well. If you recall, I emphasized "BIG" not that you necessarily wouldn't play a role, which is still limited no matter how much you want to invalidate that because it was a one-night stand and we all know how you feel about her.
We have been together for almost a year now. We have plans to get married and to have kids. We have talked together about how we would want our children to be raised and he does not want me to treat this child any different then our own children.
Whoopty dooo. Good for y'all. No one said anything about treating children differently, but if you think that you have the same legal, moral, etc., ownership over someone else's kid in contrast to your own biological kids, then I do confirm your delusion.
When this child has visits with my BF I also help out with parenting/caring for child. We do things together. I help with his daily routine, feeding, changing diapers, taking baths and rocking to bed. to say that I'm/this is not an important role truly makes me not understand.
And? Isn't that by your own doing? You are assisting your boyfriend with the care of the baby. Okay.
This child will grow up thinking my family is his family. His family all lives in another state. So when we go to family activity's its with my family.
*yawn*
She knew going into having a child from a one night stand that there was going to be a very high chance that there was going to be another motherly role in this child life. ( Unlike, many people who have a child thinking that they will be the only motherly role)
But wouldn't the same go for if he had a child by someone he was previously in a relationship with? Would you still be acting the same way, inserting yourself soo aggressively into this situation?
Seems like flawed logic here.
Just like my BF knows that he might not be the only fatherly role in his child life.
You are conflating issues. One can have a role, but know your role. You and your boyfriend, as a matter of fact, are coming off foul in my opinion and trying to, I believe, push this woman out.
I have been with this child from birth and its the plan to be in his life forever. Its the plan that this child will be a sibling to my future children. I refuse to treat this baby different then my own children. I don't want this child to get older feeling as if I don't love him just as much as his siblings.
*Cues violin*
I understand that I'm not this child's biological mother. I'm not going to tell this child to call me mom. like I tell many of my foster parents " let the child decide what to call you". As this is what my plan is for this child.
Sure
"By BF and I have agreed moving forward that we will be parenting this child together. We will discuss decisions together however, all contact will be between him and her."
Whaaaaat? Well, since you and your boyfriend have it all figured out, what exactly are you needing? Lick your wounds because this unexpected child was conceived during a one-night stand and keep trucking on, as you have already stated that y'all plan on having a life together. Your boyfriend needs to grow a pair and recognize that he cannot remedy an unpleasant or less than ideal situation by making you some sort of surrogate or by puting you on equal footing with the biological parents.
Please help me understand how I wont play a big role...
[b]Just ugh[/b][/color]
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Post by Tellit on Oct 29, 2013 17:39:06 GMT -5
Tellit wrote, "I felt like I had to "save" my DH from her evilness when he didn't need to be saved. He actually knew how to deal with her better than me." Riiiight. This need of women to come in and "save" the day or show the BM something, etc., is totally erroneous and insecure thinking. You seemingly have a man that knows how to handle his affairs and that's where it begins and ends. Good for you. Girl, my SD is an adult now. I had YEARS to get my stuff together. ;D My DH is not a person that will argue and fight. He ignored the BM. When she played games, he closed the door. I reacted emotionally. I had to cut off all contact because I wasn't as cool, calm, and collected as him. But, I started off right and not communicating but then made the awful mistake of allowing her to communicate with me. Then I had to pull back from the situation that I should have been involved in the first place. |
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Post by jaylady999 on Oct 29, 2013 18:29:49 GMT -5
**So had this woman got pregnant AFTER she met her boyfriend, would that make a difference? I say this bc you emphasize the conception happening BEFORE her.***
Actually, not really a big difference. Either way, the father of the child should have the primary contact with BM. The fact that she came after the BMs pregnancy only makes her position that much more eyeroll worthy.
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Post by truthbtold on Oct 29, 2013 18:45:35 GMT -5
jay wrote,
"I can already tell that your involvement has done nothing but cause confusion."
Totally agree and the more she writes, the more this is confirmed and will more likely than not, continue to be the case. Also, seems like her boyfriend encourages it. [/color]
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Post by jaylady999 on Oct 29, 2013 18:52:32 GMT -5
I have a hard time understand this.... If I got pregnant with a boyfriend I would assume that we were planning to be together forever (most people don't get in a relationship and have a baby without feeling this). If we would break up it would really upset me to know that our child would not be raised in a home together and to think another women is going to involved in my children life would be very hard.
Ok, then any woman who thinks this way would probably be better served by becoming a wife before she becomes a BM. Being married is no guarantee, but at least it does point to intention of "forever" on his part.
However, in this current situation ( they were never together) I think its very unrealistic to say that I wont play an important role in this child's life.
One has nothing to do with the other. In my sitch, my DH and the BM had been together since they were teens and as SM, I still play a VERY important role in my skids lives. And <<gasp>> I am able to do it with no communication at all with the BM. Imagine that.
We have been together for almost a year now. We have plans to get married and to have kids. We have talked together about how we would want our children to be raised and he does not want me to treat this child any different then our own children.
Really? I think that is just a tad bit unrealistic. There is a huge difference between my skids and my own kid. I love my skids. I treat them fairly and equally when they are in my presence, but I will never lie and say that all three kids are equal to me. You see, it is this type of thinking that will always and forever get a SMs feelings hurt. At the end of the day, they really are HER kids and as they are concerned, she does call the final shot.
When this child has visits with my BF I also help out with parenting/caring for child. We do things together. I help with his daily routine, feeding, changing diapers, taking baths and rocking to bed. to say that I'm/this is not an important role truly makes me not understand.
You can be important. You SHOULD be important. But just realize, you will NEVER be as important as the actual mother. Again, it is really unrealistic to think otherwise. And whatever your role is in the skid's life really has nothing to do with BM.
This child will grow up thinking my family is his family. His family all lives in another state. So when we go to family activity's its with my family.
Ok? Same here. My skids call my parents "grandma and grandpa". My sister is their aunt, and so on and so on. Why are you trying so hard to prove that you are important in this situation. Who are you trying to convince. I know I am important as a SM, but I don't have to shout it from the rooftops. It just screams insecurity if you ask me.
She knew going into having a child from a one night stand that there was going to be a very high chance that there was going to be another motherly role in this child life.
And you knew going into the situation that the man you love has a kid with someone else. He will always share a part of himself with another woman whether you care to deal with that reality or not. It is what it is.
( Unlike, many people who have a child thinking that they will be the only motherly role)
Sorry sis, but I AM the only mother in my son's life. If a SM or GF is actually delusional enough to think she needs to provide a motherly role to my son, that's her problem. She won't get very far, not with me.
Just like my BF knows that he might not be the only fatherly role in his child life. I have been with this child from birth and its the plan to be in his life forever. Its the plan that this child will be a sibling to my future children. I refuse to treat this baby different then my own children. I don't want this child to get older feeling as if I don't love him just as much as his siblings.
Gee, you really are giving yourself a lot of importance here, as I said before. It is really kinda sad.
I agree with everyone's post to not send her message's ( this was very immature of me) I appreciate the feedback.
Well, at least we are getting somewhere now.
By BF and I have agreed moving forward that we will be parenting this child together. We will discuss decisions together however, all contact will be between him and her.
So you and your BF will be parenting HIS child together. Yeah, you can almost definitely count on years of BMD to come. Have fun with that.
Please help me understand how I wont play a big role...
You very likely will play a big role, if you would calm down. The relationship I have with my skids took years to build. YEARS. It did not happen overnight. I've been there since they were 1 and 3 years old. They are now 13 and 15. It doesn't happen over night and to suggest that you think it does makes you come across very disingenuous. It seems so fake. Almost like you HAVE to play a certain role in this child's life because you are dating(not even married to) the father. The role you play can be a very significant one if happens over time and is sincere. You are not coming across sincere AT ALL. But that's just my opinion.
I've said it before, I have seen many of GFs come in and out of BDs life. Do you know the one who got the most respect from BD? The one who didn't act like they had something to prove when it came to his kid. The one who understood that the kid has a mother and she was not needed in filling in any gaps in that department. The one who understood that he and I created a child together and we are raising the child together. She is the one who is about to be this man's wife and I truly believe that how she reacted to his situation with his child's mother played a very big part in that. She didn't try to take over. She just knew her role and played nice with people who already had establised their coparenting relationship.
In your situation, clearly you were there from the ground floor with them trying to figure out their coparenting situation and personally, I think that it is something that you need to step back and let them figure out without your butting in. You can support him, but you do not have to be on the front lines with him in dealing with her.
Again, I see nothing but a bunch of future BMD ahead for you and most of it will clearly be due to your own actions.
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Post by recondite on Nov 11, 2013 10:00:01 GMT -5
Hi everyone, I reached out to her asking if she would want to meet to get to know each other as I thought this would be good due to me being a big role in her child's life. She agreed to this. Instead of the meeting getting to know us it turned into her pregnant doging about him now being their for her during the pregnancy. She said "I think that he needs to be focusing on the baby and he should not be in a relationship right now".--- I just think that is crazy! I don't know why she felt this way.... when I asked her why she just said "just because"
This is NOT your fight. You were not a part of making the kid so you don't get a voice or a say in parenting, custody, etc.
The BM what most do in that situation. She tried to place doubt in your mind about your BF. I made the mistake once of communicating with the BM & she tried to run down my DH every chance she could get.The BM is not YOUR problem. Don't contact her and don't allow her to contact you. You can support your man by being his ear while not dealing with the BM AT.ALL.Unfortunately, some state laws are archaic. There isn't much that can be one about it right now. He can get the child some time overnight at least. When the child is older he can petition for more parenting time.I know it frustrates you because your man is frustrated. I have asked myself several times why the BM in DH's situation does what she does. The answer is: WHO KNOWS? You can't control the BM or her actions. Don't try or it will frustrate you and cause unnecessary stress in your life.
If your BF continues doing what he is doing he will get more time. Tell him not to give up. His child will appreciate him for it one day. But, YOU don't allow yourself to get upset. Remember, you do not have a dog in this fight. You are entitled to your opinion but don't try to share it with her. You can bend your BF's ear all day long if you want to....but don't do that to often or it will irritate him and he will begin to try to defend her because he will feel like you are finding fault in him.Wrong move. Again, you don't have a say in the matter. She doesn't care if you are nice to her. She has no connection to you and there is NO incentive for her to work with you.
You have given her a weapon/ammunition to use against your BF so you did more harm than good. Remember, it is not your child. I knew that would happen. Some BMs use any means to cause confusion. Eliminating any contact with her reduces the chances of you giving her something to use against your BF.
Remember, you are his support but you should not be directly involved in the madness. It is their mess. Let them figure it out. [/b] |
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