Post by destinsea on Mar 16, 2008 12:13:34 GMT -5
My husband has two daughters (born in 1997 & 2000) with two different women prior to our relationship. I have one son (born in 1998) prior to our relationship. We have one son together (born 2004) & a baby on the way (2008).
He had a shotgun wedding of sorts with the first one due to the teenage pregnancy. It was no time before things turned ugly, that relationship was over before his daughter turned one. His second daughter, I guess you could say was a result of the first. From what I'm told his next girlfriend gave him a child to replace the first. I'm sure he was unaware of the motives, but as manipulative as she is, I have no doubt that the rumor is true. They became pregnant four months into their relationship. For the duration of their relationship though his girlfriend was sneaking around with "the one that got away," while he was at work. He worked nights at a bar, so after many nights of coming home intoxicated at 4am and his girlfriend being intoxicated somewhere else and not coming home, he flipped. In my opinion, she had to of been doing these things to get him to give her some reason, ya know? And as soon as he did, she threw him out on his ass, and spared no time moving in with "the one that got away." His parents live down here, states away from both his daughters, but that's where he had to go to get his life back on track.
So we'll skip ahead quite a ways. We moved in together in 2003, and the for the first few weeks, his ex-girlfriend would call every weekend at the same time of night, and every weekend I would have to tell her that he was at work. Finally one night when she asked for him, I replied "no darlin', he works every weekend." She swore at me and hung up. I told my husband, but continued to just stay out of it as much as possible. A few months later we moved into a nicer place, and I didn't know why at the time, but he stopped calling to talk to his daughter. I know now it was because he just didn't want to have to listen to every little aspect of his ex's day in order to talk to his 3 yr old daughter for thirty seconds. Well his ex started calling the house multiple times a day and cussing out our answering machine. I knew if I called her she wouldn't listen. So I called her mother and asked her to explain to her daughter that cussing us out and telling him that he was a bad dad would only push him away more. His ex called back crying on the answering machine, and I felt bad, so I called to speak to her. I never should have done that. All she did the whole time I was on the phone was tell me what a horrible person she thinks my husband was and try to make me doubt him, which later on I could see plainly she was just trying to make me leave him. Anyway, I got him to call his daughter on a regular basis. During that time my five year old son asked my husband if he would be his Daddy. My husband was so excited he shared the news with his ex- and told her what a great kid he is, and she disapprovingly retorted with well you already have a great kid here, and that's when she really started attacking me & my son. She would leave messages stating that I was a bad mother for allowing my child to love someone who would just break his heart in the end, and so on and so forth. I would defend myself and our relationship, and things went from her calling my husband a bad father to saying crap like she "was" going to allow their daughter to come see him, but she would not allow her to stay in our home because she "did not approve of the company" he was keeping, lol. Years upon years of this we went through. We finally just completely cut contact all together. We tried to keep an email address open to them, but even that eventually results in her belligerence.
All of a sudden out of the blue, at the beginning of 2007, my mother-in-law visited his youngest daughter and she asked if she could spend the summer with them. Chris' ex, suggested since my mother-in-law works, that my stepdaughter stay with us during the week and with her grandmother during the weekends. Of course we accepted all of this no questions asked. Five years had passed since my husband last saw his daughter, and she got to meet both our sons. It was one hell of a visit though. His daughter was undisciplined and very rude, I did not want to have to be the "bad guy" or "wicked stepmother" and my husband wouldn't do anything about it, which I couldn't understand because he is very strict with our children, until he confessed that he felt like she was a stranger's child and was unsure of how to discipline her. So I was very much at a loss, having her for the majority of the visit, with her hitting our sons and raising her voice at me when she did not get her way. Eventually my husband witnessed one of her outbursts and finally stepped up to the plate though. We contacted her mother, and all her mother had to say, was "now you see what I've had to deal with for the last five years." When she got here I gave her a firefly cell phone, so she could contact us when she left and so she could call her mother. The week before she was to go home, she had been so ugly towards my husband that he took away the firefly, and told her that she had to earn it back. I believe it was on a Thursday, and like I said previously she went to my mother-in-law's on the weekends. So we didn't worry about calling her mother being that she could call her from grandma's the next day. Well my stepdaughter did try to call, but her mother didn't return her calls all weekend. Her mother also didn't try to call her the whole beginning of the week on the firefly either. But come the end of the week when she found out that she had been grounded from the firefly, she started sending us threatening emails...on Friday...when her daughter was no longer here. She threw a huge fit about it all on Friday, and then didn't even try to call her daughter at my mother-in-laws house, again. My stepdaughter was angel the last week she was here, but we knew from the attitude her mother was giving us that she wouldn't get to come back.
Anyway, prior to her visit with us, we found out that her mother was getting a divorce from the "one that got away." She had been cheating on him for quite some time, and even became pregnant before her husband moved out. I really feel that she only allowed his daughter to come down here to make sure she still had a "daddy" due to her divorce. Now that her new boyfriend has committed to the daddy role for her daughter, she now tells us that her daughter is never coming back down here again, and of course as she did with her first marriage has told us that her new man will adopt my stepdaughter. We're done fighting. We can't afford to take her to court for scheduled visitation, and don't see the sense in paying child support for a child that we will never see again until she's of age to come find us. But even telling his ex that she can have what she wants results in her cussing us out. Does anyone have any suggestions or have ever dealt with anything like this?
He had a shotgun wedding of sorts with the first one due to the teenage pregnancy. It was no time before things turned ugly, that relationship was over before his daughter turned one. His second daughter, I guess you could say was a result of the first. From what I'm told his next girlfriend gave him a child to replace the first. I'm sure he was unaware of the motives, but as manipulative as she is, I have no doubt that the rumor is true. They became pregnant four months into their relationship. For the duration of their relationship though his girlfriend was sneaking around with "the one that got away," while he was at work. He worked nights at a bar, so after many nights of coming home intoxicated at 4am and his girlfriend being intoxicated somewhere else and not coming home, he flipped. In my opinion, she had to of been doing these things to get him to give her some reason, ya know? And as soon as he did, she threw him out on his ass, and spared no time moving in with "the one that got away." His parents live down here, states away from both his daughters, but that's where he had to go to get his life back on track.
So we'll skip ahead quite a ways. We moved in together in 2003, and the for the first few weeks, his ex-girlfriend would call every weekend at the same time of night, and every weekend I would have to tell her that he was at work. Finally one night when she asked for him, I replied "no darlin', he works every weekend." She swore at me and hung up. I told my husband, but continued to just stay out of it as much as possible. A few months later we moved into a nicer place, and I didn't know why at the time, but he stopped calling to talk to his daughter. I know now it was because he just didn't want to have to listen to every little aspect of his ex's day in order to talk to his 3 yr old daughter for thirty seconds. Well his ex started calling the house multiple times a day and cussing out our answering machine. I knew if I called her she wouldn't listen. So I called her mother and asked her to explain to her daughter that cussing us out and telling him that he was a bad dad would only push him away more. His ex called back crying on the answering machine, and I felt bad, so I called to speak to her. I never should have done that. All she did the whole time I was on the phone was tell me what a horrible person she thinks my husband was and try to make me doubt him, which later on I could see plainly she was just trying to make me leave him. Anyway, I got him to call his daughter on a regular basis. During that time my five year old son asked my husband if he would be his Daddy. My husband was so excited he shared the news with his ex- and told her what a great kid he is, and she disapprovingly retorted with well you already have a great kid here, and that's when she really started attacking me & my son. She would leave messages stating that I was a bad mother for allowing my child to love someone who would just break his heart in the end, and so on and so forth. I would defend myself and our relationship, and things went from her calling my husband a bad father to saying crap like she "was" going to allow their daughter to come see him, but she would not allow her to stay in our home because she "did not approve of the company" he was keeping, lol. Years upon years of this we went through. We finally just completely cut contact all together. We tried to keep an email address open to them, but even that eventually results in her belligerence.
All of a sudden out of the blue, at the beginning of 2007, my mother-in-law visited his youngest daughter and she asked if she could spend the summer with them. Chris' ex, suggested since my mother-in-law works, that my stepdaughter stay with us during the week and with her grandmother during the weekends. Of course we accepted all of this no questions asked. Five years had passed since my husband last saw his daughter, and she got to meet both our sons. It was one hell of a visit though. His daughter was undisciplined and very rude, I did not want to have to be the "bad guy" or "wicked stepmother" and my husband wouldn't do anything about it, which I couldn't understand because he is very strict with our children, until he confessed that he felt like she was a stranger's child and was unsure of how to discipline her. So I was very much at a loss, having her for the majority of the visit, with her hitting our sons and raising her voice at me when she did not get her way. Eventually my husband witnessed one of her outbursts and finally stepped up to the plate though. We contacted her mother, and all her mother had to say, was "now you see what I've had to deal with for the last five years." When she got here I gave her a firefly cell phone, so she could contact us when she left and so she could call her mother. The week before she was to go home, she had been so ugly towards my husband that he took away the firefly, and told her that she had to earn it back. I believe it was on a Thursday, and like I said previously she went to my mother-in-law's on the weekends. So we didn't worry about calling her mother being that she could call her from grandma's the next day. Well my stepdaughter did try to call, but her mother didn't return her calls all weekend. Her mother also didn't try to call her the whole beginning of the week on the firefly either. But come the end of the week when she found out that she had been grounded from the firefly, she started sending us threatening emails...on Friday...when her daughter was no longer here. She threw a huge fit about it all on Friday, and then didn't even try to call her daughter at my mother-in-laws house, again. My stepdaughter was angel the last week she was here, but we knew from the attitude her mother was giving us that she wouldn't get to come back.
Anyway, prior to her visit with us, we found out that her mother was getting a divorce from the "one that got away." She had been cheating on him for quite some time, and even became pregnant before her husband moved out. I really feel that she only allowed his daughter to come down here to make sure she still had a "daddy" due to her divorce. Now that her new boyfriend has committed to the daddy role for her daughter, she now tells us that her daughter is never coming back down here again, and of course as she did with her first marriage has told us that her new man will adopt my stepdaughter. We're done fighting. We can't afford to take her to court for scheduled visitation, and don't see the sense in paying child support for a child that we will never see again until she's of age to come find us. But even telling his ex that she can have what she wants results in her cussing us out. Does anyone have any suggestions or have ever dealt with anything like this?