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Post by jusdntundstn on Mar 18, 2008 13:09:06 GMT -5
Also, How do u know whose turn it is to do what, i.e trips to the library, parent teacher nite, game nite. Who shows up?  Such as doing homework with the kids, picking up the kids from school sick. Also, how do you deal with the parent who never has time to do things or especially the BM that has no clue as to how a house full of girls should be raised? Whose responsiblity would it be to teach a hand full of girls to be self sufficient little women in the world, rather than showing them how to chase a man (such as the father) around? Feel free to respond to any or all.... |
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Post by cloudy752001 on Mar 19, 2008 8:49:49 GMT -5
I donot vote for any of these. The CUSTODIAL parent is more than likely going to be the one who does these things unless there is an arrangement that the NON custodial parent will be doing these things. Now there are exceptions such as the birthday party thing. If there is going to be a BIG party with family from BOTH sides in attendance, it is most likely that the parents will be there. Or if the child is disabled or very ill, yes both parents SHOULD be in attendance just to know the proper home care the child will need. As for that other stuff, ONE parent is sufficient. A simple phone call to discuss what went on with the child is good enough.
As for favors and catering that's a big NO NO! Usually nothing like this is done for the kids sake. Mom asking dad to make the recital instead of an important business meeting is a favor that will help the sake of the child. Going out to dinner with one another is not!
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Post by jusdntundstn on Mar 19, 2008 13:45:31 GMT -5
Disregard the poll at the top of the page, wasnt sure what it was going to look like and couldnt modify it neither. Sorry.
By the way I agree the fact that it is the custodial parents responsibility, but in some situations there is no arrangement and working it out,outside of court/pocket. For instance, when baby daddy skips a month of child sup, this is where the favors start coming in. Its like either way he got to pay.. right or wrong? Anybody dealt with this type of trauma? Where nobody wants to pay court fees and deals with it on the day to day.
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Post by cloudy752001 on Mar 21, 2008 11:45:28 GMT -5
If the the support is court ordered, then the payment should not be skipped. Well I donot know about other states, but in the state where I reside, the child support is taken directly from the employer of the parent that is ordered to pay. It doesn't matter if you change jobs, they will find you and get that support taken out. So what favors are you referring to? Especially if the person is not paying support like they should. What favors should come from that?
If it is only about the child, then everything should be done through the courts; without hesistation.
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Post by jusdntundstn on Mar 21, 2008 13:34:12 GMT -5
Alot of times, one parent takes the other to court out of spite, or noncompliance from the other parent. What if the parents are willing to work it out, without going through all the motions of dealing with the system. In my situation the bm is reluctant enough to say "Just make sure your kids have when you have" to the father. She doesnt bother to go through the system. Possibly because she makes more than enough $$$ on her own, but doesnt want the father to neglect his responsiblities when he does have a little $$$. Is she reluctant as far as going through the system because she has a good heart or is she trying to still have that control over him? Something to hold over his head in time of need (this is when the favors come in)? "She needs her space and her time" but at the same time been refusing that he bring their kids around me (this woman has never met me). It used to be alot of spending time with his kids at her house (I accepted it because our home wasnt sufficient enough to have all his kids come over). This has recently changed and I am expecting them to come over here for father/ daughter time. I have also recently met all of his kids (after putting up a fight). We often talk about getting married and I have mentioned how I dont see this happening if his kids dont get brought into the picture first.!( He eventually got tired of my questioning his manhood). I feel that since he is there for his kids the way he is, then he is entitled to bring his kids around who he pleases. (as long as there is no harm in the situation). His bm is always talking about how he needs to be a father to their kids but dont want to accept the package deal that he has with me. Its the other way with me. I encourage him to take care of all his kids. Not just financially, but physically and emotionally. I want to have one of the best husbands/ fathers that a woman could ask for. This bm just cant get over the fact of me having the best of her bd. Since they never got as far as to get married and I'm still around through all of her bs mind games trying to get me to leave him alone. I cant say i havent tried, its his reassurance that keeps me hangin on.
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Post by wbmama on Mar 22, 2008 6:20:32 GMT -5
I am a firm believer in a specific court order (or agreement) for everything (including child support). One of the reasons I feel my huband's BM didn't like dealing with attorneys in the beginnning is because it was taking her control away. With specific visitation dates and times laid out - she didn't have an excuse to talk to him. my husband was voluntarly paying child support - she got attitude - took it through the court and now will get less money. Its such a tough situation to be the wife / girlfriend of a wonderful man who has a nut job for a bm. I'm realizing that you have to do the best you can to protect your marriage. Specifics will help. Still its like a constant battle of good verses evil. Why else would there be this message board if it was an easy fix.... 
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Post by jusdntundstn on Mar 22, 2008 11:50:13 GMT -5
I think the bm I'm dealing with has the same issue, affraid to lose power over him. This is why she doesnt go through the system. Since she was there first, she holds this over his head along with everything she has ever done for him. Apparently she has a boyfriend, but isnt looking for anything serious. Leaving my bf the prime target for destruction, since she has no plans to permanently move on with her own life. I just pray that the right man comes along for her so she can let go of mine. It's funny how the nice guys seem to have these nutty bm's.
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Post by cloudy752001 on Mar 25, 2008 16:56:17 GMT -5
My ex-husband took himself to court for child support. He did not wait for her and he did not take any of her nonsense with the stupid threats. He received visitation of his child and had a decent child support order. The courts donot try to rob people blind, they merely go by how much you make something like Uncle Sam. If you can deal with taxes, then you can deal with a child support order. Like I said in my other post, if a man is about the CHILD and YOU, then thier should be no mention about the drama. He should do what it takes not to have to deal with the bm and this goes for women with a bd also.
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Post by downazzchick on Mar 28, 2008 23:25:10 GMT -5
jusdntundstn...It is very difficult to deal with a BM who doesn't know how to raise girls. This kinda falls in the lap of your BF because he chose this woman. It is/was his responsibility to make sure the woman he chose to be his bm (either accidentally or planned) carries herself in a respectable manner, she's clean, has good values, confident, and has the means to support herself. U kinda get what u put in. If he was looking for a good f friend and was not cautious then this is his fault. There really is no immediate way to fix it. The only way is when you do get a chance to spend time with them (the girls) make sure you are setting a good example (as a woman) that they can follow. It may not make much sense, but if you take the time with them to teach them what their mother never did it will be an effort on your part.  |
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Post by jusdntundstn on Mar 29, 2008 23:03:23 GMT -5
I hear you, I'm just waitin for him to bring them around. His bm's have made it hard for him to bring them around. I feel this is a result of their own insecurities of me being a better female figure then themselves. They might actually like being around me. Which I am a kid person, so I dont doubt that. I've forwarned him that if he doesnt start visiting them on our time (not just his own) that they may not get that guidance that they need. We are talkin about two bm's with no sense of direction in life. Where their different is one actually works and the other lives of the county. Both mouths run like diarhea. Never to me though...I feel sorry for him sometimes, but thats what he chose. All I can do is be there when he needs me, especially when it comes to them. I like to refer to his bm's as his grown kids...cause they always callin him cryin about they problems. Not to mention the county one is married and continueously callin him about child support. Does that make sense, she on the county and askin him for more childsupport? He gotta pay the county back the money she get for his kids. I can say he's learned some things since we been 2gether. If it werent for the changes he's made I probably wouldnt be here. Sometimes he just need a thump on the head..
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Post by downazzchick on Mar 30, 2008 21:38:42 GMT -5
Lol! Your probably the right one to thump him too!!! You know it is really good that you want to take part with her man's kids, because I know several females (some successful and some not) who feel it is a burden to have to deal with somebody else problems. I mean they see the need and won't step up. As long as they have the man and whatever he can contribute to the relationship. Personally I would not even be with a man who did not have anything to do with his kids. So maybe the baby mama's will come around when they figure out they can get them some "me" time and get paid too! Studid broads!
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Post by wowposter on Sept 8, 2008 19:50:14 GMT -5
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Such as doing homework with the kids, picking up the kids from school sick.
