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Post by sbimiss on Jun 26, 2008 11:43:01 GMT -5
youknowwhatitis....that situation is very understandable. I am not just speaking on behalf of myself but I am sure plenty others have put themselves in these shoes as well. I have def. considered how BM feels when her daughter is with us. I am sure many things run through her mind. Besides the fact that she doesn't really even know how he parents or even if he is capable, I am a complete stranger and to make matters worse...we don't see eye to eye. So, I am sure she is uncomfortable and skeptical of me. I have explored all of the things she may be thinking or even worried about even if it has to do with my bf. I have just not been able to figure what her real problem is. Over the years, I have tried to show her that I take care of her child and care for her as she would expect me to and I feel that I exceed those expectations. Instead, I feel she takes things out of context and uses them in aiding her jealousy. She may not even be jealous but, she sure does act like it. She is not genuine like the BM#1. Her best interest is def. not only in the best interest of the child at all. It has been more than apparent to us.
I feel that you offer much insight because you see things from the other side of the spectrum as much of us can not because we are not in your shoes or in a similar situation. However, like I mentioned, I have never once had a problem with BM#1. I could not ask for a better situation with her and her SO. I don't expect everyone or everything to be perfect but why is it that BM#2 doesn't have the same views as BM#1 about her child since their situations are very much the same?
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Jun 27, 2008 20:30:47 GMT -5
Sound like you BM is a ghetto hoochie, with no class. Plain and simple.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Jun 27, 2008 20:45:06 GMT -5
Listening to you all makes me see some of things BD's supposedly well meaning family members were probably trying to pump in his.head. Stuff like " if she won't let you get the baby now by yourself she ain't neva gon let you get the baby.", "She gon always be trying to run the show," "how she think she can tell you when you can get your baby etc. Not saying you personally but how some people just plain think negative about a situation without giving it a fair shot. My baby wasn't even past his 6 wk check up that's why he couldn't get him. He doesn't have the same rights as me I'm his mom we are not married that makes me his custodial parent. The fact that we were not going to be together anymore seals the deal for their has to be a head parent and a co parent.. two head parents won't work. Even married couples know that 1 parent has to be the toughie and the other the smoothie. Secondly I had already told him he could get him overnight once he was 3 months. But that bullsh*t game he was trying to run trying to separate my baby from me so he could just come and get my baby so he could try to over-ride my authority and input with the child I bear a c-section scar for is just plain played out. He tried to play me and in the end he played himself. You can't try to ice a new mom out with her own kid...stupid fool should;ve know that wasn't going to work. What type of man would try to do that a low life. It's okay for us to separate and live our separate lives and carry on but we as quality parents must strive to keep each other on the up and up concerning our child it is not a competition. What I mean by that is we can dislike each other and not hardly speak except for when it's important concerning the child and work mutually together on a beneficial parenting plan. This is what decent muthaf*ckas do. Pardon my anger and disdain. But If I'm wrong and you all disagree please share with me why I'm opening to learning.
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Post by memyslfni on Jun 28, 2008 11:54:41 GMT -5
Keia, do you give your bd a little bit of hope? Since the child is obviously too young to be away, do u allow him to visit in your presence. Because despite the fact that that man made a few mistakes, would you not consider forgiving him as god has forgiven you. People are going to make mistakes but whats important is that we learn from them and sometimes it takes another person to help us realize where we went wrong at. Its all a part of growing, knowledge is power. God has a purpose for everyone, he may be using you as a tool to teach those around you a lesson or two (in a good way). Allow your bd and his folks to bring the good out of you and not the ugly. No matter what happens be the bigger person.  Its hard but trust me its for the best. |
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Jun 28, 2008 18:35:01 GMT -5
Memyself I am not above forgiving him as I already have. But he is still up to the same ole tricks. Sending nasty text messages everyday. First I wasn't hearing from him and then he started sending nasty text messages. I did not respond I guess he got bored and 2 days ago he stopped. Never asked about the baby. He has always been able to visit our son in my home or I was even willing to meet him at a public place. Never visits....and as far as his family and him goes all I have ever asked for from him besides the financial support I'm getting is to be consistent. Our son will be 2 in September I am no longer willing to keep the door open for him to turn around....It seems he has learned nothing from the accident. I'm putting my son in Kindercare Learning Center so he can learn at the tune of 229.00 a week. I do not have time to deal with his family's ignorance and immaturity meanwhile I have a toddler to raise and educate and I'm finishing up the tail end of my education myself. I have to set a standard and I will not allow any unnecessary people create any more drama for my son and I. There has to be a cut off point. So as of September 28, 2008 he is no longer welcome to visit my son. If he later decides he wants to he'll need to go through the courts. If ya thing I'm wrong or have any advice feel free to respond.
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Post by memyslfni on Jun 29, 2008 1:47:52 GMT -5
Keia, you definitely cant force nothing on nobody and when/if bd wises up and sees the reality of it all he's gonna have to go through the motions. Its unfortunate that some dont learn as quick is others do. It took my bd a little while before he realized that it wasnt about us anymore but about our child. Now I can call him and talk to him as a friend because if anybody knows me he does. Our son is about to be eight and every year that goes by he takes on his responibility as a father a lil bit more serious. I hope your bd wises up sooner rather than later.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Jun 30, 2008 16:04:43 GMT -5
You are exactly right. That's why I am cutting off the timeline after he turn's two. The door is closing. I have moved on and realized it's not my fault my son doesn't have a father that guilt is not on me, it's his father's fault he doesn't have a father (biological I mean) in his life. That's an ax that he will have to bear and God is already making him pay for it. All I can do is be the best d**n mom I know how to be and let my BF be the father figure for him. Funny how other men will pick up where biological dads leave off. My BF is a better dad to my son than his own biological father is.
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Post by gemmani on Jul 1, 2008 11:48:30 GMT -5
Wow. I always wondered what kind of man (ahem.....Eddie Murphy) won't see his child. I mean, aren't they even curious to see what they created?  Takes more than being born with a thingy to call yourself a man. Youknowwhatitis, I completely understand your birthday party scenario. So, continuing that line of thought, I would want to check her out. See how she treats my child/ children. I would speak to her. I would find out as much as possible before letting my child go there. (This is completely hypothetical, Fiance would never do joint events with her) At the same time, BD is there with my child and he's coming back home to me. So its not exactly the same thing, but I'll run with it. So with that being said, I wonder about BM sometimes. Her kids are with me whenever they come to see their father. Isn't she curious to know what kind of person HER KIDS were around? If I were in her shoes, I would at least like to speak to the new woman, to make sure my kids are ok. But that's just me. Apparently she doesn't feel the same way. That's really ok with me!! I also agree with the above posts. I can't imagine meeting some one long after childhood and having to call them "dad". You only get to be a dad when you've been there throughout the child's life. So youknow, your son has a father and he has a dad. And when he gets older, he will 100% see the difference. |
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Post by nubiangoddess on Jul 2, 2008 14:46:15 GMT -5
Back in January 2005, my then 14 yr old daughter went to live with her father/my ex-husband and her stepmother. When my daughter and I were not getting along, her stepmother loved it! Within a few months of counseling, my daughter and I rebonded and then her stepmother started treating her like Cinderella. Now, her father's divorcing her stepmother. I told my daughter it's not her fault and she agreed. She graduated with honors and scholarships. Now, she's going to college to be a Doctor. I am so proud of her!
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Post by wowposter on Sept 8, 2008 19:50:59 GMT -5
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Post by wowposter on Sept 9, 2008 10:10:33 GMT -5
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Its hard but trust me its for the best.
Takes more than being born with a thingy to call yourself a man.