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Post by gemmani on Jul 10, 2008 17:53:37 GMT -5
Of course, that happens, I don't doubt that. But in THIS situation, it was 3 kids and 6 1/2 years, and many discussions about marriage. Each baby was an attempt to get him to propose. Really, I'm talking about those that put themselves in that situation. I know there are times when mistakes happen, or spouses die or break up, or other reasons.
Youknowwhatitis, you made a mistake (the actions, not your son) and took responsibility. You sound like a responsible, loving mother. That's awesome, nobody's putting you down! But for those that think baby=marriage, I have no respect for them. That tells me that you don't think you have enough to offer someone without "trapping" them with a baby. I refuse to have a man propose to me just because I'm carrying his child! I have a lot to offer in a relationship ON MY OWN! THEN we can talk about babies. I'm not going to force a man to be around "for the baby" if he wouldn't have stayed otherwise.
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Post by ty1981 on Jul 10, 2008 19:07:34 GMT -5
You told me once to live my life and not worry about BM.....take your own advice.....what will be will be.
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Post by gemmani on Jul 11, 2008 10:23:34 GMT -5
Ty1981, I'm not worrying about HER, it more that I'm worried that she won't let us take the kids that day. I really want them to be involved and so does my fiance. I want them there b/c I'm marrying their father and will become their stepmom. They will be a part of mt family. Its also about money, b/c I don't want to spend $$ for dresses and a suit plus all the accessories if they can't be there. But I also need to get their stuff soon if they are coming. There's planning that needs to happen in both instances. So heck yeah I'm going to worry! There's a lot going into this. This is my day and I want it to go as smoothly as possible.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Jul 11, 2008 14:56:11 GMT -5
Some people want to be single mom's....I sure as hell don't that's why I have a bf. I for ain't poppin any more out until I"m married and legally :)entitled to his money..........What's wild is I know chicks that are married and they are still single mom's...deadbeat husband doesn't work, won't help with the kids etc....Now that's not gonna be me.
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Post by gemmani on Jul 11, 2008 15:17:28 GMT -5
Youknowwhatitis.......THAT WAS MY FAMILY GROWING UP. My parents are still married. My mom did absolutely everything for us. She was teaching middle school during the day, and going for her master's, and later her PhD, at night. My dad refused to watch us, so we would leave him at home and she would take us to the babysitter. SHE bought all our clothes, SHE took us everywhere with her, SHE made sure we were healthy and happy. My dad never did anything of importance (he would take us to the park or the fair every so often, but not a lot at all). He did work though, he's an accountant. But he felt everything pertaining to raising children and the home was the woman's responsibility. My mom started out making way less than him, now she makes double his salary. He tried to keep her down, but she wouldn't allow it. I hated that, I wanted them to divorce SO BADLY. I still do. My father and I aren't very close. He was just the guy living in our house, yelling and making things hard for my mom. I'm no longer mad at him. I've accepted him for who he is. But there's still no closeness. Oh well, you reap what you sow. (and Youknow, make sure your BD knows that.)
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Post by jaylady999 on Jul 17, 2008 11:24:22 GMT -5
Although I am one who believes in honesty at all times, it didnt take me long to realize that when it came to my wedding, i wasnt about to take any chances with anything ruining our special day. After me and my then fiance being together for 5 years, and having lived together for 4 of those, you would think this wouldnt even still be an issue, but unfortunately it was. We got engaged in Sept 2005 and our wedding was Oct 2006. He didnt utter a word of our wedding until Aug 2006 and he absolutely just had to tell her we were getting married at that point because we had bought his daughter her dress(she was my jr bride) and his son was our ring bearer and we took him that weekend to get fitted for his tuxedo. So in dropping them off to her from their bi- weekly weekend visit with us he had to tell her. If he didnt, the kids would have, esp the daughter cuz she was so excited about her pretty dress. Luckily for us, she had assumed that we had just gotten engaged, when actually we had been engaged for a year. She told him that he better not let her find out when the wedding is because she would not let the kids be there. Luckily for us she made the assumption that the wedding was going to be in the spring/summer 2007 because most people do get married during that time of year. Her mind didnt expand to the fact that people can get married in the fall months. My stepkids could not attend the rehearsal the tuesday before because again, we didnt want to let on that we were getting married. Little did she know when he picked up his kids for the weekend, they were returned back to her and we were married and she was pissed. But oh well. Some would say that we shouldnt have had to go through all of that, meaning to not let her in on when we were getting married. But I was determined for my stepchildren to be present for our wedding. My son was there and it wouldnt have been the same without his children being there too. I've spent the last 7 years ignoring her rantings even in times when it was hard for my husband to do so. But we have survived and she is FINALLY coming around because I think she realizes that life is going to go on no matter what she says or does. I personally didnt care if she came around or not, HER antics were not going to dictate MY life and that was the bottom line. I think if you can avoid telling her, you have more a chance of having the children there. Its sad I know, but its life and we have to deal with what we're given. Technically you dont owe it to her to tell her anything anyway. Do what you have to do to get those kids there. Its a memory that will last a ilfetime and I wouldnt want to take chances on them not being a part of that memory
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Post by gemmani on Jul 17, 2008 12:02:10 GMT -5
THANK YOU JAYLADY999!
That was just what I needed to hear. We are not telling BM a d*mned thing.
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Post by jaylady999 on Jul 17, 2008 12:40:27 GMT -5
Yep do what you gotta do. I just think its sad that a lot of BM's lives revolve around making life miserable(or at least trying to) for her kids father who has obviously moved on. so so sad. keep us posted!
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Post by jaylady999 on Jul 17, 2008 16:45:35 GMT -5
So, how are you going to do it since you are getting married on a Friday? It would be so much easier if you could get married on Saturday. There would be less to explain to get the kids to the wedding. Now that is a good question, because it does make it a bit more difficult that it is on a Friday. But now that I think of it, my husband did pick up his kids that Thursday as well. I think he told her that he was taking the kids out of town for a family event or something of that nature and because she had already convinced herself that we were getting married in 07, she was thinking that the wedding was taking place so soon after he told her that we were even getting married. So they did miss school on Friday because he had to take his son to get his haircut, etc etc. |
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Post by gemmani on Jul 17, 2008 17:39:49 GMT -5
Lol, exactly what we are going to do! We'll give her the whole schmeel, Parents are in town, only for a day......need the kids. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) BM is always willing to let someone take her kids. As long as someone else is watching them, she's happy.   Saturday.....nope. I know Friday's a weird day, but hey, I'm a weirdo I guess. Thanks a bunch u guys (ladies)! I loved hearing the different opinions. |
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Post by jaylady999 on Jul 17, 2008 18:03:04 GMT -5
Make sure you keep us posted ;D
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Post by wowposter on Sept 8, 2008 19:51:18 GMT -5
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Post by wowposter on Sept 9, 2008 10:10:51 GMT -5
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