Isn't it ironic

[whenwillwomenlearn]

Isnt it ironic that the website is about BabyMamaDrama but most of the post are from girlfriend, wives, and fiancees of men? Its because women are like crabs in a pot. You pull each other down instead of lifting each other up. All of your anger & frustration is focused on the woman instead of on the man who really deserves it. Men dont stress about the drama & they are the ones that cause it. It says a lot! There is enough thingy to go around. Stop fighting over one!

[gemmani]

SO........why are you on this site?

The rest of us come to brainstorm/ problem solve. We know there are other females out there in situations like ours. We happen to love men who have kids with other women. We can get advice on how to deal with situations that others have been through already. We want to know what its like for the other side of the BMD- "the baby momma". We want understanding from that side, too.Call me crazy, but I think its smart. When people realize they are in a situation where they aren't sure what to do or how to proceed, they ask for help. They research solutions. Don't put down a group of women who are smart enough to know when to reach out and find answers or just an unbiased opinion from those who don't know you or your situation.
Also, did it ever occur to you that the BMs seek US out? Me personally, I don't want to have to deal with that female. I feel that that's my fiance's job, he's the dad. You think that stops her??? So what am I supposed to do, not respond? Especially when her statements are false and can damage reputations? Don't tell me I'm not supposed to defend myself against stuff like that, you can go stuff it if that's how you feel.
So do you just come around to shake your head at us on this site? What is your purpose for being here if you're just going to put people down? B/c I haven't seen anything here from you except insults. Unless you've been in these kinds of situations, don't sit on your high horse and judge the rest. MY FINACE ASKS ME TO POST ON THIS SITE TO GET FEEDBACK. Don't act like men don't feel the drama, but its us women who help them solve it, b/c WE are their backbones. If you don't understand that, oh well.

[just2beme]

There is no rule that says that only men can post about it. It is not unusual that there are more women than men posting. Men don't normally talk about it. A lot of women are more verbal and emotional while a lot of men hold in feelings. Are you a woman womenlearn? Your past remarks don't exactly elavate women. You are pulling women down too. Remember what is said about glass houses.

[memyslfni]

Actually its quite a relief for gf's, wives, fiance's etc. to be able to come here and vent about bm's such as yourself. What's moronic is when bm's like yourself who frequent the board in efforts to justify their actions as part of the kids best interest when the kids involved even know thats not true. In all actualllity what it really is, is that bd's are tricked into dealing with loud, obnoxious, unstable bm's who manipulate the father of their children only to get an extra dollar or prove some kind of idiotic point. And what usually ends up happening is that the bd pays you to get out of their life...Actually thats a good little side hustle...Bug the crap out of my bd so he can pay me to get the heck on...Na I'm fine with what I get... As a matter of fact my son is going with him for a week, so therefore I get a break and childsupport. Whew do I need a break.. Its no wonder bm's are so miserable, they get stingy with the kids only to make life harder for themselves. Attention CBM's if your kids have a father who is capable of providing for them I would advise you to let them go with daddy for a couple days, a weekend, a month whatever the need. Give yourself a break..we all know you need it. Alright Im done..

[whenwillwomenlearn]

Im a BM and proud of it! Want to know why I feel the way I do? I was a wife. I am now an ex wife. I met my ex husband in college and we became good friends and then dated. We married 6 months after graduation. My ex wanted a family right away. We had 3 kids within the first 3 years of marriage - a girl and twin boys. I put off my career to raise our kids. My ex wanted a stay at home wife. My ex worked and moved up the chain at work. He ended up leaving me when our kids were 7 and 5. He left me for a woman at work. My ex was a womanizer. He had many affairs during our marriage. I forgave every one of them. We divorced and he entered into a affairage [affair marriage] with the woman. The affairage happened 1 month after our divorce was finalized. I realized the woman did me a favor. I wasnt strong enough to walk away from my ex so thank god he walked away from me. His new wife hated me also. She treated me like I slept with her husband. My ex and her complained about the child support and spousal support he had to pay. That is the price that he has to pay. I never keep our kids from my ex. Our kids grew to love his new wife so even though I was mad at first I got over it. As long as she treated my kids nicely I was happy. My ex and his wife had a kid together. She stopped working to raise her child. My ex began cheating on her. She used to hate me but started calling me to ask if he was at my house. He was out sleeping with other women. He had to leave his second wife or she might have killed him. ;D She is a BM too now. What goes around comes around. His ex is very angry with him. I never bothered them but they hated me because of the money he had to pay. His 2ND ex makes his life miserable now. For years she fought his battles for him but she found out that she was one decision from becoming a BM. When you tear down the BM be careful because you could be her one day.

[whenwillwomenlearn]

I am working now and happy. My exs ex wife told me about the site. I started reading and see my former life in some post. I thanked his ex wife for taking him off my hands. She thanks the other woman for taking him off her hands. I am certain the other woman will have another woman to thank some day.

[memyslfni]

I dont need to tear bm down, she does a great job of that herself. Its just sad that her insecurities show and thats not a great outlook for the kids. Actions speak much louder than words all the time. I push my bf to bring his kids over so he can spend much more time with them then he usually does, but EVA finds some way to turn it into something to do with me. I tried to be the decent gf that pushes for the best interest of him and his children, but I have come to realize that its not my job and there's nothing wrong with just keeping the focus on my own children. I refuse to be a selfish bm nor gf, just a woman who tries to do right especially when there are kids involved.

[memyslfni]

whenwillwomenlrn, I feel what ur sayin thats why I chose to be the civilized one and allow bf to fight his own battles (win or lose) I'm standing right there next to him with a new pair of gloves.

[youknowwhatitis]

whenwillwomenlearn....I agree with u 100%!!!! It only takes a second for your your entire life to turn around. There are good and bad in everything bm's, bd's etc. Women need to learn to be emotionally and financially independent from these men and there will be less babymama and babydaddy drama.

[hybridmommy]

Wow.

I read "Bitter, bitter, bitter" "Now he must pay" "I'm glad he's miserable now" in your last reply.

Surprise?

This is a site for discussing and dealing with Baby Mama Drama last I checked. If you don't want to deal or discuss that issue - why are you here?

You can stick around to prove the point the rest of us are trying to make - perhaps provide some insight as to why you "don't care" but find it important enough to not only visit a site like this one, but post flames to get some attention.

Your type of BM mentality is what I really can't understand about most BM's. WHAT is your problem? WHAT do you want? WHAT did you expect to accomplish by posting disdain and hostility? Do you have a point?

Or is the bitterness still eating away at you THAT badly.... over 10 years later.

[gemmani]

That's great for you, glad you got over it. UNFORTUANTELY, that's not the case with everyone here. Unless you know what its like to battle some sick psychopath who has no regard for ANYONE, let alone her children.
And yes Youknow, they need to be emotionally and financially independent. But they aren't. Hence, the drama. To me, whenwillwomenlearn sounds very bitter and judgemental. Therapy can help with that.

[gemmani]

Always the bitter ones talking about how, "you may be the BM one day". Talk about crabs in a pot. I'm sure you meant that positively, of course THAT wasn't a bitter, tear-down statement at all. Pathetic.
If I were to become a BM, I certainly wouldn't visit websites devoted to this topic and shake my finger at people who are going through real problems. I'd be out living and enjoying my life, taking care of my kids and doing what I have to do. HINT, HINT

[tellitlikeitis1]

Sounds like a fight is brewing. I have decided not to respond to BMs (except Keia). Keia is fun to "fight" with.

I used to try to treat BM with respect & all I have gotten is lies, deception, disrespect & rudeness. Now, I am not trying any more. If BM can dish it, she had better be prepared to take it!

Whatwomenlearn is only reading ONE SIDE of the equation. She should look at other websites where BMs speak badly about SMOMs and BDs. It works both ways!!

[youknowwhatitis]

Question? I hear a lot on the site about the BM mentality? Somebody define it please! And the SM mentality somebody define it please!

Here's what I think:

Good BM mentality: This is my child and I must do everything humanly possibly to make sure MY child has the best life possible. BD helped me make this child and it is unfair to ask me to physically and financially support the child alone. However if I must.....I must. I cannot force him to physically be there, but I can pursue the financial compensation I need to help with expenses and create the best life possible. BD is no longer my concern he can go on with his life and be happy as I am going on with mom. He is allowed to visit with the kid or kids as he want's I only ask that he be consistent out of respect for the.

Bad BM mentality: I gonna get that mutha f*cka. I gonna make him rue the day he got me pregnant. He don't want me, Or maybe she don't want him but still don't want see him happy or with someone else. Why is he still having kids I don't want my check reduced. I only had this baby to get this check. I don't care about these kids only getting him back physically, or getting revenge and making him suffer.

The problem I'm sensing is that the wifeys and gf's feel as if BM doesn't respect their relationship. And uses it as a way to cause unecessary drama.

Good BD mentality: These are my kids I made them and I have to take care them. To short change and neglect them would make me a boy and not a man. No I will not disrespect my babiesmama. I will pay support directly to BM or through CS. I will be a willing participant in the life of my child. NOthing me and BM have gone through or no matter how we personally feel about each other will stop me from being the father my kids need.

Bad BD mentality: F*ck that B*tch. She was just trying to trap me, she was just trying to get money. I ain't paying Sh*t. That baby ain't even mine....they don't even look like me. I'm break up with that girl and I ain't supporting her or helping out. I'mma move out of state...or Imma try to get custody so I dont' have to pay. Imma tell my family she trying to use me so they won't like her. I mma act like I didn't get that cs letter. She ain't sh*t anyway. I ain't finna be babysitting she ain't getting none of my money....B*tch betta get a job. Imma make her life miserable.

**excuses, excuses.........But I do feel that people should not judge people for being a proud representa of what they are whether it's considered good or bad.

Ex. I'm a proud black.....although society considers being black to be bad...nothing wrong with being a proud wifey or bm as long as you handling your business.

[nomoredrama]

There are different stepmom mentalities depending on the situation. When we first married, my mentality was that I will do right by the child while she is at my house but I won't have anything to do with the BM. Then I grew up and decided to treat the BM with respect (not like I was disrespecting her-just did not DEAL with her at all). When BM became disrespectful to me AGAIN, my mentality changed to I am going to kill her with kindness. Now my mentality is F**K her. I am back to not dealing with the BM at all but I will treat my stepchild well when and if she is in my home. Other than that, I will act as though they don't exist. We all have our limits and I have reached mine.