Post by jaylady999 on Jul 24, 2008 14:36:44 GMT -5
Before I found this website, I honestly thought that I had BM drama when it came to my DH kids mother. But I gotta tell yall after reading some of you ladies horror stories, the 'drama' that I went through with her simply pales in comparison. I am just so sad for these little children out here with mother's who simply cannot move on with life once their BD has done the same already. Its just so sad and it makes me wonder what the hell some of these mothers are thinking. I realize that sometimes these men have hurt us and it really hurts when they move on, but we have to make a conscious decision to MOVE ON, if for no other reason than for the sake of the mental & emotional wellbeing of our children.
10 years ago, my BD hurt me like I've never been hurt before by cheating on my when I was preggers with both his first born and mine(and only child for both of us til this day). We had been together 3 years at the time and living together as well. I was absolutely devastated. Not only did he cheat on me, but he professed love for this female to me while I was 6 months pregnant and on my 25th bday. I felt like I couldnt breathe, I absolutely felt like I wanted to DIE. That is pain I'd never felt before and quite honestly have never felt since then. But the bottom line was when our son was born, I had to make some life altering decisions. I had to realize that this is the man that I chose to create a life with BEFORE becoming his wife and that from the time I had his son, we would be bonded for life whether I liked it or not. For the first 5 months of our sons life, we were still living together because we were waiting for the lease to be up, but I was very bitter with him. The sight of him just made me sick and I didnt want him to have anything to do with MY son. I was still hurt, I felt betrayed, abandoned and kept wondering how someone who said they loved me could do this to me at what was supposed to be such a special time in both of our lives. Before we both moved out of that apartment, I had to literally go in my bathroom, turn off all the lights and kneel over the toilet in silence and pray. I needed to ask God to please put forgiveness on my heart, not for myself, not for my BD, but for the sake of my son. I was so bitter that it was beginning to consume my life. I cried and asked to be released of any anger that I had regarding the pain I felt, but for no other reason than to allow my sons father a real opportunity of being his father. I walked out of that bathroom 30 minutes later and never looked back.
It was then that I realized that what my sons father did to ME had absolutely nothing to do with the kind of father he would be to our son and I would only be short changing my son by putting a barrier between any type of relationship the two of them were going to have together. I realized in short that I had to LOVE MY SON MORE THAN I HATED WHAT HIS FATHER DID TO ME. That was the single most important and wisest decision I have ever made. Today, I would not trade my sons father for the world and he is one of mine and DH closest friends to date.
I share my small story in hopes that some of these BM's will stumble upon this website and read this along with other posts regarding the same issues. See I can speak as both a wife and a BM and in both of my situations, my son and stepchildren come absolute first, no questions no ifs ands or butts and everythign else is just nonsense. What these BM's dont understand is that BD is only in obligation to those children that he had with his BM. What is the purpose of making life difficult for BD when all that is really being done is life is being made more difficult for the children involved. As women we cannot see past our rage of pain administered by our BD, but as mothers, we absolutely must see past our own personal feelings in order to allow our children the best of all that is possible, up to and including access to the men who planted that seed to being with.
10 years ago, my BD hurt me like I've never been hurt before by cheating on my when I was preggers with both his first born and mine(and only child for both of us til this day). We had been together 3 years at the time and living together as well. I was absolutely devastated. Not only did he cheat on me, but he professed love for this female to me while I was 6 months pregnant and on my 25th bday. I felt like I couldnt breathe, I absolutely felt like I wanted to DIE. That is pain I'd never felt before and quite honestly have never felt since then. But the bottom line was when our son was born, I had to make some life altering decisions. I had to realize that this is the man that I chose to create a life with BEFORE becoming his wife and that from the time I had his son, we would be bonded for life whether I liked it or not. For the first 5 months of our sons life, we were still living together because we were waiting for the lease to be up, but I was very bitter with him. The sight of him just made me sick and I didnt want him to have anything to do with MY son. I was still hurt, I felt betrayed, abandoned and kept wondering how someone who said they loved me could do this to me at what was supposed to be such a special time in both of our lives. Before we both moved out of that apartment, I had to literally go in my bathroom, turn off all the lights and kneel over the toilet in silence and pray. I needed to ask God to please put forgiveness on my heart, not for myself, not for my BD, but for the sake of my son. I was so bitter that it was beginning to consume my life. I cried and asked to be released of any anger that I had regarding the pain I felt, but for no other reason than to allow my sons father a real opportunity of being his father. I walked out of that bathroom 30 minutes later and never looked back.
It was then that I realized that what my sons father did to ME had absolutely nothing to do with the kind of father he would be to our son and I would only be short changing my son by putting a barrier between any type of relationship the two of them were going to have together. I realized in short that I had to LOVE MY SON MORE THAN I HATED WHAT HIS FATHER DID TO ME. That was the single most important and wisest decision I have ever made. Today, I would not trade my sons father for the world and he is one of mine and DH closest friends to date.
I share my small story in hopes that some of these BM's will stumble upon this website and read this along with other posts regarding the same issues. See I can speak as both a wife and a BM and in both of my situations, my son and stepchildren come absolute first, no questions no ifs ands or butts and everythign else is just nonsense. What these BM's dont understand is that BD is only in obligation to those children that he had with his BM. What is the purpose of making life difficult for BD when all that is really being done is life is being made more difficult for the children involved. As women we cannot see past our rage of pain administered by our BD, but as mothers, we absolutely must see past our own personal feelings in order to allow our children the best of all that is possible, up to and including access to the men who planted that seed to being with.
?) and my mom will complain to me, but I tell her you know your options. My sister is 22 and just graduated college. I'm 25 and about to get married. There's no reason to stay together any more. Staying together for the kids is a type of abuse, at least that's how I feel.