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Post by ty1981 on Jul 27, 2008 21:07:54 GMT -5
I don't have any kids...but maybe having a baby without a marriage messes with your brain......
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Post by gemmani on Jul 28, 2008 10:52:02 GMT -5
Ok so he pays child support.......and?  I'm sorry, but if that's what needs to be done to have peace and not let the kid see all the drama hapening b/c mommy has a control issue, then so be it. I'm sorry, but when our BM went to court for CS, it sucked b/c of the ridiculous amount, but she had NOTHING ELSE over him after that......she rants and raves and makes a bunch of noise, but at the end of the day, she had no power and and things continue on as normal. I don't see how kissing BM's a$$ helps anything. BD ends up running around like a dog looking for his tail, and BM just continues to hold the whip. Not a healthy balance at all, IMO. |
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Post by jaylady999 on Jul 28, 2008 11:40:58 GMT -5
You are so right. It is not a healthy balance and I cant stand to see BD jumping through the hoops that BM usually holds up in order for him to be in his child(ren)s life. Its so sad that these BM do not realize the phsycological effect that they are having on the children. Its much worse than any hurt, harm, or pain that she could ever cause her BD. Its really sad
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Post by jaylady999 on Jul 28, 2008 15:51:04 GMT -5
I don't have any kids...but maybe having a baby without a marriage messes with your brain...... naw that aint it. there are plenty of BM's out there with some sense. (raising hand for all to see. LOL). these particular BM's who this site was created for are for those who didnt have sense to begin with and having children before marriage just pushed them over the edge. ;D |
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Post by ty1981 on Jul 28, 2008 16:22:25 GMT -5
lol jay....banana cream pie...
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Post by gemmani on Jul 28, 2008 16:28:19 GMT -5
Yeah, either the child picks up on the evil ways, or they rebel against it. All that bitterness can backfire on a person. I can't say for certain, b/c you never know how people deal with things as they grow up, but it looks like my skids don't agree with how their mother acts. Hahahaha....neither do I. Okay, they outright say that they don't like their mom or that their mom is a very mean person. Think about it, they are only 6, 4, and 2!!!!!!! Out of the mouths of babes........
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Post by cloudy752001 on Jul 29, 2008 12:42:31 GMT -5
Where was a post like this when I first came to the BMD forum? No but really, this post is the reason that I initially came to BMD. I was wondering if anyone else had to deal with the issues of the BM and BD still hanging around one another as if they were still together. Like I said before, some situations are unavoidable, but in general, things do need to be handled seperately unless both parties are single. What needs to be kept in mind is that although they are apart, they did once have a mutual interest for one another. One party may be able to move on and the other party may not. So if they are still doing things together, it does lead a person to think that there could be more. The only obligation is to the child and that is where the time should be spent.
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Post by angelnmo on Jul 29, 2008 17:41:33 GMT -5
Yeah, a balance must be found. Unfortunately, those of us plagued with BMD are dealing with unbalanced individuals.
My fiance tried being cordial with the BM. She mistook that for affection. Then he tried being indifferent. She went nuts, broke into his house and physically attacked him. He also tried being mean with the hopes that she would get the picture and realize that he didn't love her. All that did was make her scheme harder, play more games, and chase him more aggressively. What's a person to do!!
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Post by tellit on Jul 29, 2008 19:33:09 GMT -5
I think that youknowhatitis has a point. The thrill of chasing something that you can't have. It does not EXCUSE BMs behavior but Keia has a valid point. Some people just like drama so they are going to create it no matter the circumstances.
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Post by amillmack on Aug 4, 2008 14:12:31 GMT -5
Point blank, tell your man to get a custody order granting him visitation that way, he can go pick the child up and leave. He doesn't have to spend time with her in order to be a good father and that's what BM's forget. Their motives become painfully clear to all when they cause drama because he doesn't want to be with them anymore and it's more obvious to the child as they get older - Mama didn't really want me, she wanted my dad more. Get it together Baby Mama's because it's getting really old.
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Post by mex1111 on Aug 4, 2008 23:06:56 GMT -5
LMFAO tellit......I am almost always passive when it come to dealing with BM but if banana cream pie comes to my house...threatens me...destroys my property...I am going to kick her baby havin ass. If she comes back she'll be sorry....I have a glock and a license to carry a concealed weapon. I got to the range twice a month .....I won't miss. LOL! "baby havin"... Now I hope you didn't start going to the range for her now! She's taking control! |
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Post by angelnmo on Aug 5, 2008 1:01:23 GMT -5
Hey, I go to the range too. Got a baby glock and an old ruger revolver. I have been going to the range twice a week for almost 4 years now. So I definitely didn't start going to the range for the BM. But knowing that I can confidently handle a weapon if I have to does come in handy.
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Post by tellit on Aug 5, 2008 6:28:58 GMT -5
I don't have a gun but I have 9-1-1 on speed dial ;D
I was physically assaulted by BM when I was younger. Been there done that. I am too old to be fighting. I have children that look up to me. If BM were to assault me today (hopefully she has grown up too), the legal system would be my weapon.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Aug 8, 2008 11:43:21 GMT -5
What is wrong with having a sensible parenting plan that both mature adults agree to:
-For example:
I would be fully ameniable to allow BD to visit our son 1 time every other week between 9-4 on a saturday. If he was consistent with that for about a month I would bump him up to 9-2 every Saturday. If he was consistent with that for 3 months I would move to possibly not if he's driving but allowing his good for nothing mother to pick him up and let him keep him if my son warmed up to him and wanted to go 9-6 on saturday's. Son must be back in good condition no later than 7 pm.
Now tell me is that having to jump through hoops or take responsibility.
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Post by im2grown4this on Aug 11, 2008 21:08:12 GMT -5
I think that he does have the obligation to spend time with his child. But for him to spend time with BM and child is only going to send mixed messages both to BM and child. That child has to learn that Mommy and daddy are not together and not to be confused. You really have to think of how the child is going to see and feel. He has to be the one to keep that in BM mind that they are not going to get back together. If he is not comfirming that then her mind is still hopeful.
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