What'd I do???

[cassalee08]

Ok, I'm new here small intro...Dh has 3 children, 1 by ex wife (whom I get along with) one with bm (who doesn't get along with anyone) and one with me. OK, this woman hates me, and of course it's because of me marrying dh. And the fact that he didn't marry her which she made threats that if he didn't marry her she'd make his life a living hell for the rest of his life and she's doing a pretty good job at it. Now I know it takes two to get preggers but I swear she did it on purpose. She has 3 children 3 different daddy's. And every one of them she has caused drama. She just doesn't want these men in these children lives if she's not. She wants the whole package. I know she hates me because he's married to me and for the fact that I had his only daughter, the other 2 are boys. She only has boys and I know this is eating her up but honestly I have never said or done anything to this woman and she is making false allegations and rumors about me. She's already made 8 CSB calls about dh since the child was born and he's only 4. I'm afraid if dh insists on having a relationship with this child, she'll never let us live in peace.

Thanks for listening.
Sandy

[gemmani]

First step- both you and your DH need to limit the amount of contact with this BM. If it has nothing to do with the kids, the she need not contact you.

Document everything. Keep a journal with each and every encounter with this woman. Do exchanges at a public location, don't let her near your house. Man, if you have to, keep video survellance whenever she's around your property. Use a regular camcorder. Communicate with her ONLY through email or text message, anything in written form.
Try getting these things into the court order, so that if she doesn't comply she'll be held in contempt.
You have to establish STRONG boundaries with this woman, otherwise she'll keep destroying the peace.

[cassalee08]

Thanks for replying,
We've tried the notebook and the judge stressed it again this last court appearance. It's a joke she doesn't write anything useful, just a bunch of things that make her "momma of the year". She won't communicate via email because she says she doesn't have internet access, but isn't the library free? Exchanges are done via a visitation center, on dh's dime of course and it's expensive. I hate all this...

[jaylady999]

I can only imagine that you do hate what you are going through. it gets to be so hard and so trying to do right by DH's kids that at the end of the day, there is not much room to actually "love" them. its so sad the hurdles and hoops some of these women put their BD's through. It really just wears me out reading a lot of these posts in here combined with some of the things that I have been through first hand.

[youknowwhatitis]

You are so right she won't let you live in peace. Jealousy is still alive and doing very well. But I just don't get it ladies.

Why is someone upset because they married someone else. I still don't get the big deal about marriage....it's not all that to me. Men are deployed messing with women in Iraq and in the military, husbands are giving wives HIV know of 2 cases personally from a place my mom used to work. One lady was on tv with her story. The old the wife gets all the spoils.......well hell didn;t she live with and clean up after him...doesn't she deserve it? The BM will only get CS................she 's no longer with him and she only has a child doesn't she only need CS. People this married vs nonmarried is so d**n stupid.

I am nonmarried and proud of it and when I do get married it will be because I wan't to not because it's a big deal or some stupid status. People need to get real become healthy and productive then think about marriage. Marriage only complicates your life and finances. The bible clearly states. " it is better to be single." But better to marry then burn in lust.

When I do choose to get married it won't be to a man with more than 1 BM and it won't be to man with BM drama. I have one BD you can only have 1 BM.

[gemmani]

Youknowwhatitis, the problem isn't marriage itself, its the idiots that run to the chapel without knowing themselves, let alone the other person. I think marriage is one of the most beautiful things in the world and yes, I am proud to be getting married. That's not saying anything against being single, if that's what floats your boat then good for you.
Marriage is important for many people, just like some don't care about it. But you can't put people down b/c they want marriage. It's a relatively natural thing to want.
A large problem is, people want "the wedding". They want the party, and the attention, and the long white dress. They don't stop to think about what happens when the wedding is over, when they realize they are stuck with that person for life (hopefully).

I, personally, want a husband and children. I don't believe in having children out of wedlock. I met the man I love, so its only natural that we get married. Yes, it becomes complicated with finances and the details, but the outcome outweighs all of that. You get to bond with another human being, share your life, grow together. Of course there are trials and tribulations, but that's what makes it so special, you work through that to become stronger and closer. I don't see what's so horrible about that at all!!
There are horror stories about everything in life! Marriage, childbirth, parenting, careers, medicine, friendships, etc. People have bad marriages, but that doesn't mean anything to me. There are also plenty of GREAT marriages. So why would I let some one else's bad luck affect my life? THEIR stories aren't MINE. I cannot let the bad experiences of others dictate whether I get married or not, or whether or not its important.

Marriage isn't for the "faint of heart", or for those who aren't emotionally healthy enough to handle all that comes with it.

[mex1111]

Cassalee, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about the mean BM in your life.
My fiance's BM said the same thing (she was gonna make his life impossible).