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Post by tellit on Jul 31, 2008 13:41:00 GMT -5
Fathers should obtain a court order for the same reason BM obtain court orders for visitation-for the sake of the child. Just as BMs want the child support each month (and rightfully so); fathers WANT to be a part of their children's lives. Some BMs & BDs are able to work out verbal agreements for child support & visitation. For those that aren't as fortunate a court order is neded. The man wants assurance that he can be a part of the child's life EVEN if the BM doesn't want him to be. Just like the BM does the child a disservice if she does not require the father to financially support the child, the father does the child a disservice if he does not exercise his right to be in his child's life.
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Post by ty1981 on Jul 31, 2008 15:27:22 GMT -5
He did already...stops alot of the drama!
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Post by gemmani on Jul 31, 2008 15:55:14 GMT -5
Exactly. So why is it bad to get a court order? It benefits everyone- BM gets her $$, BD gets to see his kids, the kids get both parents. Idk why that comment got to me so much. I feel like if the parents cannot handle the situation (and isn't that why we are all on this board?) then a thrid party (the courts) should help out. Its for the benefit of everyone. If the parents are cordial, then of course, no real reason to change anything. But for anyone with BMD/BDD, its completely necessary, and should be the first order of business.
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Post by gemmani on Jul 31, 2008 15:55:44 GMT -5
Case and point, Tybaby.  |
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Post by Tellit on Jul 31, 2008 17:15:00 GMT -5
Do you notice how many times CS is used as a threat or as a weapon? Just because we recommend that BD seek court ordered visitation then we get threat again for CS.
In my DH's case, his BM went to court for CS when the child was 2 weeks old. She also filed for custody when the child was 2 weeks old. She never even tried to negotiate anything...And even with the court order for visitation she took the child out of the continental US. So, court orders are not guarantees. But, it is a good thing to have when you deal with a fool.
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Post by gemmani on Jul 31, 2008 17:43:41 GMT -5
Oh no, a court order is not a guarantee at all, but it does provide BD with leverage and a more even playing field. I really don't see why CS should even be used as a threat. But yeah, that seems to be the slogan for BMs. If he's a good dad, he'd want to pay CS anyway, so again, what's the point of threatening CS? It comes down to the fact that CS is all the BMs have over BD, so they'll milk it for all its worth.
BDs have EVERY RIGHT to make sure they gets to see their kids, especially against these pathetic females with a chip on their shoulders the size of the Grand Canyon.
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Post by ty1981 on Jul 31, 2008 20:40:57 GMT -5
I didn't say it was bad.
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Post by tellit on Aug 1, 2008 2:36:48 GMT -5
Another question..........why do some of the ladies on the board seem to think court ordered visitation will solve the dispute in most cases I have seen and heard of it only complicates matters further and creates more tension and hostility and is often met with a return CS application. Ty-Gemanni and I were responding to the above post. She asked "why" the ladies of the board pushed court ordered visitation. We weren't speaking on your situation. Your DH is dealing with a FOOL and it was in his best interest to pursue court ordered visitation. |
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Post by gemmani on Aug 1, 2008 9:37:58 GMT -5
Oh no Tybaby, like Tellit said, the comments weren't directed at you at all. That comment bothered me, that's all.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Aug 3, 2008 10:52:56 GMT -5
I stand by my stance that visitation orders only take control of the situation away from both parents. It is in most cases met with a return CS application and both orders lead to hostility in the parents. However, in extreme cases both may be necessary.
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Post by tellit on Aug 3, 2008 16:58:37 GMT -5
Youknow-I am using some things you have said in this forum: The BM has the control, she controls how much BD sees his child, BD has to send BM part of his check so even BM has control over that.
If I recall correctly, your BD is court ordered to pay child support to you for your child. You would not allow BD to take his child for visitation because you felt he was too young and then because you did not like BD's mom and sister. If your BD pursued visitation, you would not have control over when he sees his child as long as it is his COURT ORDERED visitation period. You also would have no say over the child visiting with his Grandmother and Aunt unless they are convicted felons, sex offenders, or something like that. This is not a personal dig against you but COs even the playing field.
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Post by gemmani on Aug 4, 2008 10:58:22 GMT -5
Court-ordered visitaion is completely necessary. Forget extreme cases. When two people break-up, a lot of times, they can't see past their nose b/c of their bitterness, much less doing the right thing for their children.
A father has just as much right to be with his children. But when you have vindictive, evil women, they like to use the fact that they have custody to hold over BDs. So is that right? Should he just leave things as is b/c he doesn't want to rock the boat with BM? That's dumb. As you can see, it doesn't matter how many times BDs jump through hoops for BMs. BM will still just cause drama. No matter what, BM will be hostile. At least BD gets to see his kids. And BM can come down off her high horse b/c the power is gone. She can be hostile and all, but who cares, she can't keep the kids away. BM can go kick rocks.
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