Self Destruction - BD'S Suffer too

[punkdude85]

Im so tired of people saying im crazy.... Yes over emotional, troubled, plagued, scared, or depressed, these all good words to descirbe me. I cant help feeling the way I do about certain things especailly when it comes down to my son, family and BM. These are all topics that are sensitve and personal; when messed with or brought up im going to react and you better watch out.
As a BD i've done alot of things I regret and wish I could have handled in a different way, but I can change the past. I've been trying to change my life for the better and maybe because I want to get back with BM. Its been three years and I still dream about her @ nights. Sometimes I find myself crying during sappy movies. ME CRY? Its sad and pathetic. Ive been with other women and I havent found any one remotely attractive, smart, funny, loving, caring, selfless. Its always the same girls.
I have to see my BM every once in the while and i hate it. I hate seeing that girl i once fell in love with. Having to think about her with some other dude kills me inside. Sometimes I cry after dropping off my son. It breaks my heart to know that hes not gonna grow up with his mom and dad together because his dad is a total and utter failure. I only say that because even my parents tell me that, hell I know it... Ive just never taken anything serious before, like school, my BM, her pregnancy, any of the countless women ive cheated on with my BM included. I've lied and cheated myself through most of life. You know I cant seem to get things together, I get bored easily and find myself going back to old habits(drinking and drugs). Now I dont consider myself an alcoholic or drug addict. Yea when I go out I drink with my friends at parties and every once in a while I over do it. Im not the kinda of guy that drinks everyday or in the mornings or alone. When I get into trouble is because im drinking when I have all these emotions and thats when I drink to the point where I pass out and usually I wake up in my car with a bloody nose or dents all over the car; my friends call this "when I become the HULK!!!!"(These incidents are few and far between). As for the drug part, Ive been smoking weed since high school and yea when I was in college I was smoking weed like everyday, all day... But since living back at home I hardly ever do it, every once in a blue moon.
I just get all bummed out because I see her life going so well and I feel like im always falling on my face. Maybe one day i'll find that person who completes me and brings out the better person in me but I just dont see the point of changing my life completely. Partly Im to blame because they are my choices and I have to own the outcome of my choices. Ive lost all myself self-esteem during this break up. I hardly talk to women, I dont even know how to approach a women sometimes. All my friends say that i have issues with women. They say im afraid to talk to a women. Its one thing to be drunk as F**K and hook up, but to sit down and converse with a women is totally different. I think that I still love my BM is holding me back from starting my life. I dont know what to do anymore Im at my wits end..... I just know I cant hate myself forever anymore for all the things I did to my BM. I love her and I wish she could just see off bad I hate myself 4 deserting her.

BD's suffer too
Self-Destruction by LIL wayne (This is how I felt for 3 years going on 4)

She Got Her Bags By The Door Nob
Ok Be Cool Wait Baby Slow Down
Dont Walk Out Of That Door
Ooooh
I Dun Made Her Past Mad Now
Her Tears Fallin From Her Pourin On The Ground
I Aint Never Seen Her Like This Before..No
Now Im Feel Like Im Fallin
No One Here To Save Me
I Dont Wanna Die Alone
I Dont Wanna Live Alone
Hang Into This Shyt Together
We Gon Leave This Shyt Together
Baby Leave This Shyt Together!
But Im Sorry I F**ked Up!
Ahh
Yah I F**ked Up
(Yah I F**ked Up)
Yea I Kno I F**ked
And Now She Gone
And Thats F**ked Up

[Chorus:]
And Now Im Headed For Self Destruction
I Dont Wanna Live No More
Self Destruction
I Dont Wanna Live No More
Self Destruction
I Dont Wanna Live No More Without U!
Yea Its A Suicidal

Yea!
U Might See Me On The Side Of The Road
Keep Driving
You May See Me Jumping Into The Road
Keep Driving
Im Just Tryna Find The End Of The Road
Ok I Think Im Gonna Have To Send Her A Note
Along With A Rose
And That Rose Will Be Black
And That Note Attached Shall Read
"Im Gone"
"Honey Im Gone"
"I'd Rafter Be With God Before I Be Alone"
So From Heaven I Sing This Song
O Yea "P.S. Honey Im Home"
And The Angels Even Look And Smell Like You
But There's No Angel Or Gal Like You
Man I F**ked Up (Man I F**ked Up)
Yaah I F**ked Up (Yaah I F**ked Up)
Yea I Kno I F**ked Up
And Now She Gone
And Thats F**ked Up

[Chorus:]
And Now Im Headed For Self Destruction
I Dont Wanna Live No More
Self Destruction
I Dont Wanna Live No More
Self Destruction
I Dont Wanna Live No More Without U!
Yea Its A Suicidal

And If I Cant Have You And I
Its A Suicide
For You I'll Cry
And If I Cant Have You
Im Through I'll Die
And If U Hear Me Say Down (Down) Down (Down) Down
Man I Swear I Said Down (Down) Down (Down) Down
And Dont You Leave!
(No Dont Leave Me)
U Hear Me Cryin Like
(Oooooooooooooooooooo)
Woooh
She Got Her Bags By The Door Nop
Wait Baby Slow Down
Dont Walk Out Of That Door
Nooo!
I Dun Made Her Past Mad Now!
Her Tears Fallin From Her Pourin On The Ground
I Aint Never Seen Her Like This Before!
And Now It Feels Like Im Fallin!
No One Here To Save Me!
I Dont Wanna Die Alone!
I Dont Wanna Live Alone!
I Dont Wanna Be Alone!
I Dont Wanna Be Alone
So Now Im Headed For Self Destruction
I Dont Wanna Live No More

[gemmani]

Well, I will say that at least you recognize what you are doing to yourself. Please stop beating yourself up. Many, many people make mistakes in their youth. Hell, d**n near EVERYBODY makes mistakes. Its the past. You can't change the past. What you can do, is make your future better for yourself and your son.

When it comes to dating other females, Stop. You can't love anyone else until you love yourself. You can't move on until your heart is healed. Let yourself heal.

Get to know yourself and what it is you are looking for out of your life. Don't think for a second that jumping into another relationship will make you happy, or make your life better. A lot of people think this way, and its not true at all. Nobody can make you happy. You cannot make someone else be in charge of your happiness. Only you can control you, and only you can make you happy.

Once you know yourself and you can be happy by yourself, then its time to go out and date.

Would you be open to talking to a therapist? Its not for "crazy people". I know people seem to think if you talk to a psychologist, it means you're crazy. Not at all, it means you are taking steps to "right" yourself. I feel if you have issues and refuse to talk to someone, THAT makes you crazy.
Sometimes people feel overwhelmed with their emotions and don't know how to handle them. Talking to an uninvolved third party person may help to put things into perspective. It also helps you vent and get things off your chest constructively. Just think about it.

[Blessed]

God Bless you for being HONEST! MANY BD's are still IN LOVE with or LOVE their BM's. This is why to a certain extent I believe that when BM's act UP the BD's don't stop it. Or when the BM's move on the BD's GO CRAZZZZZY! BEEN there doneTHAT!

You are not the only one Hon, to have messed-up on your BM. shoot, that's just about the story with many of the BM"s out there. I know several BD's who have been in LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS AND STILL LOVE THEIR BM"S... but you didn't hear it from me because I am not the one to gossip . BUt you can't tell the new girlfriend, wife or sex mate NOTHING....because they will swear up and down that they GOT HIM... and the BM"S are DRAMA QUEENS...but all along his heart is still with BM...hurtful but true in many cases.

Many men feel the same way that you do about their BM's and believe it or not whether they are with somone or not. You are not by yourself! No one will respect you if you don't respect your self.

God Loves you get up and move on!

[gemmani]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Let's not jump the gun here.

In SOME cases, BD wants BM back.
In SOME cases, BM wants BD back.
In SOME cases, both want each other.
In SOME cases, neither want the other.

No use generalizing, its just not accurate. Not to mention, that's just not the case for most of the ladies posting to this forum.

[gemmani]

Except for maybe Youknowwhatitis. Her BD is nuts.