BD jumping through hoops

[youknowwhatitis]

What is wrong with having a sensible parenting plan that both mature adults agree to:

-For example:

I would be fully ameniable to allow BD to visit our son 1 time every other week between 9-4 on a saturday. If he was consistent with that for about a month I would bump him up to 9-2 every Saturday. If he was consistent with that for 3 months I would move to possibly not if he's driving but allowing his good for nothing mother to pick him up and let him keep him if my son warmed up to him and wanted to go 9-6 on saturday's. Son must be back in good condition no later than 7 pm.

Now tell me is that having to jump through hoops or take responsibility.

[jaylady999]

did someone say that he was jumping through hoops? i cant say that i think it is. how old is your son by the way?

[youknowwhatitis]

My son is 22 months (1 year old) will be 2 in September.

[jaylady999]

i dont know your story if you 've posted it on this site, so forgive my ignorance, i am just wondering. did BD do something (or not do something) that warrants his visitation scedule of drop offs and pick up times?

[youknowwhatitis]

The story is all over the site.......BD was in car wreck 2 wks after son was born. BD prior to accident became sh*tty and told me I had nothing to offer him and failed to live up to our agreement of paying $100.00 a weeks CS voluntarily for our son. I was not working and had just had a c-section after a very difficult pregnancy. BD was in wreck because he was going out of town to kick it. He driving out of town as high as gas prices are but couldn't make the payment for his son and newly delivered BM.
In my opinion he deserved what he got. Now BD has a brain injury and is disabled.

[jaylady999]

OOOOOHHHHHHH, i knew there was a story behind your post. i havent been on this site that long, but i am going to go read through different posts to get a feel for everyones story. we all got one. in the case of what you say here, nope, dont think you are making him jump through hoops at all. thanks for sharing

[gemmani]

Well, since your BD hasn't really been in the child's life, it's a good start to work on the father-child bonding process. It's probably what's best for the child.

Please don't wish badly on your BD, that kind of thinking really comes full circle and will bring you negativity.

[youknowwhatitis]

I disagree..........his family knew full well what the situation with him and I were. I spoke with him mom via telephone about a week or so before the accident as I was not speaking with BD because I didn't need added stress. As he would often call my mom and discuss his grievances with me with her and she would advise him. I spoke with his mom........his mom really did not seem as if she really was concerned with order and decency in the situation as was my family and I but more concerned with "what did I want from the situation." More concerned that I was trying to get money........I am intelligent......."she was trying to get me to say something incriminating she could use to support her coming attack on me.

I live in my own house, jacuzzi, 50 inch plasma mounted up, king size bed, son has own room. She's been to my house.....she even commented herself saying " you have such a nice house."
BD's mom was primarily just being greedy as her son was not wanting me to get the money entitled to my son and I. The woman already had dagger's in her eyes........the scene at the hospital to me just really PROVED IT.

For the record I didn't say anything the 1st couple of times I was at the hospital. One time I did say........" I be praying for him." But I could sense the negative energy surrounding me with them they were already blaming me. His sister is the one that started the mess talking about some, "Don't feel obligated to come and see him if it bothers you." WTF..!!!!!? Now ya'll know me.......you know I had to lite her you know what up. She was apparently upset because when he arrived at the ICU and she saw him she came out crying and hysterically upset. I when in and saw him and I didn't come out crying and hysterical. What for
crying over someone who tried to dog me and my newborn son. Surely you can't see the logic in her thinking. I came out of respect for my son........not because I had any feelings personally for him. I needed to know what was up with him for my son's sake. My son was my concern now. If that's mean and low down then YOU ALL ARE RIGHT I AM GUILTY AS CHARGED.

He was wrong plain and simple and I knew somthing bad was going to happen to him because I believe in God and karma. So unlike his family I was not surprised by the accident. I expected something to happen to him. So I was not caught off guard I could have the sworn testimony of 3 of my family members I told them something bad is going to happen to him. I knew it was coming. And even my family had to admit....dang you was right. I understand the spirit realm a little bit. I'm smart enough to know that negative energy towards a child of God equals negative energy expressed in your life. It was bound to happen.

I feel as if I have forgiven him for his antics as ultimately he hurt himself more than he hurt me and his son. I only wish he had of been smarter and chose to do the right thing and avoided all this uneccessary drama. Yes I did say the accident was unnecessary and I am right because had he been a MAN and stepped up to the plate I can almost 99.9% guarantee God would never have allowed such a disaster to befall him. Maybe those of you like gemmani who are not religious cannot understand my reasoning. But if you are a true child of God you know that what I'm saying makes sense.

I personally believe that if they ever had it in their hearts to do the right thing it would've been done. Which leads me to the conclusion there was never any intention on doing the right thing. They were self-centered, greedy and prideful and judging by their actions they still are. So yes it angers me when people allow Satan to ruin their lives and the lives of other's.

Yes I am angry that he didn't choose the good path...however I chose to choose it for me and my son.

[gemmani]

I understand all of that, but no need to wish harm upon your BD or saying that he got what he deserves. If his family is so bad, that's on them, but don't stoop to their level. Just practice indifference.

[tellit]

I understand your reasoning. God protects his children. I agree with that...But you do have to let the anger GOOOO. You have come so far but you just can't seem to let go of that anger. I mean, you say you believe the BD deserves to be disabled-He pays his child support (even if court ordered). You did not want him to take his child for visits because you did not want the child around the grandmom and the paternal aunt. What more do you want from him?

Let it Go!! Turn it over to God.

[im2grown4this]

I sense the hate that you have towards the BD family. You really do need to FORGIVE. The sooner you learn how to genuinely forgive someone, no matter what they have said or done to you, your prayers will truely be answered. You will ask and you will receive. You have to have faith that GOD will take care of you and your son and don't concern yourself with BD. I know it might be hard but you just have to let it go, let him go, let go of it all. What is meant to be is meant to be. My own children's BD has not contributed anything for our two children. He actually left me in the hospital and cleaned out my bank account when I had our son. When I had our daughter, her did the same. He was an addict and I couldn't help him, so I let him go. He doesn't contact me or have contact with our kids. That's his choice. I didn't file any child support either. I take care of my children just fine and I have moved on with my life. I belive in the WORD. It does say that you should do all things without complaint. I don't complain that I don't get child support, I don't complain that he doesn't see the kids, I just let it be. I forgive him for being weak and letting the devil take over his thoughts and his actions. I don't have any hard feelings. I had to really ask GOD to remove that from my heart. I don't even worry about him or his family. They don't try to see how the kids are. That's ok. I know that GOD will provide for my children, that's all that matters.

[youknowwhatitis]

God has provided for my son just fine. As well as far me. But I hate and depise people like them who can't stand to see anyone else shine. It's all good when the spotlight is on them but when it shifts to someone else it's a problem. I don't like people who do things to intentionally cause someone pain or a problem. But they have soon realized that no pain or problem they can cause will defeat me. I am so much bigger than them it doesn't make sense I don't try to intentionally do things to hurt people. That's what BD did and that's what they did. So as far as I'm concerned if they'll do it to me and my innocent child to hell with them they can kick rocks. The only reason I'm even open to allowing BD only to visit is because it could possibly mean something to my son one day.