Will this ever end?

[jaylady999]

It truly can take its toll on a person. And it gets a lot worse before it gets better. Like I said before, reading this forum really makes me realize that I dont have nearly as much drama as I thought I did in just comparing. But this is a great place to vent none the less.

[gemmani]

Same here. I'm lucky in that BM and I have never had a confrontation. She doesn't come to my house, and I don't go to hers. Our drama is mostly through the kids or the grapevine, unless BM has been drinking or after a court appearance. That's when the crying voicemails begging him to come home start. Or MIL will call because BM took the time to call her to rag on her son. So we get the info from all directions, but not from her. I can deal with that. I wonder how her boyfriend feels about this.

[jaylady999]

Aug 27, 2008 8:17:25 GMT -5 gemmani said:

I wonder how her boyfriend feels about this.

you mean to tell me this chick has a boyfriend?? um wow!!

[gemmani]

Oh, yeah! I never mentioned this???

She's dating my fiance's ex-friend. he's his ex-friend because he would go to their house and act all buddy-buddy, but after fiance moved out, this friend told him that he has feelings for BM and wants to be with her. Almost this entire time, she's had a bf.

Idk how he handles this, I mean I wouldn't want my gf pinning over her ex. He was at that recital a few weeks ago. She was pulling him in our direction so we could see her feeling up on him. It was like she was the stripper and he was the pole. He refused to say any thing to fiance. That's okay, who needs friends like that?

I think her whole situation is just plain looney.

[jaylady999]

speechless at that whole situation. BM is not only a triflin mother, but a triflin female overall. thats just nasty.

[daddyinpdx]

Gemmani,

Kids can do some really crazy things. One the things that urks me is when the kids come over for their visits and they are like on cloud nine. They try to start talking about their moms and I just cut them off at the root and change the subject.

I'm not one for participating in all of the foolishness. It just fuels the fire.

Then when they return home, all kinds of acusations begins to surface. His wife cut too much of my kids hair, your wife got flippant with my kids, etc etc.

It's all a game of immaturity

[tellit]

I know what you mean gemanni. BM & DH originally broke up because she slept with his best friend (they were boys since like 9-10 years old). BM, I believe, blames me...She needs to look at the woman in the mirror. DH & I hadn't even crossed paths when this happened-we did not even know that we existed.

But, I think about DH's life since we got together. He was in the military at first but got out. He was working a job paying $4.25/hour when SD born. BM was content as long as he was laying you know what...When he & I got serious, I told him that he needed to figure out what he wanted to do with his life...set a goal and a plan to reach the goal. He and I worked TOGETHER to accomplish our dreams. DH wanted to go into law enforcement but he never thought that he could do it. I encouraged him. I helped him study. DH gained confidence in his abilities and he is now a law enforcement officer. We aren't rich but we make a decent and honest living. We have built a life together with God as our architect.

I think BM is envious of what we have together. She never required anything of when they were together other than he be her bed partner. She also thought that he would never amount to anything...After he broke up with her when she slept with his best friend, I think she wanted him to fail. She wants to see him (US) down and out. She has convinced herself that I am the problem but she is delusional...Was I there when she decided to sleep with his boy? Nope. Wasn't even in the same city-4 hours away. I had never heard either of their names before.

I wish that I could tell her that each time she acts up, she only solidifies our bond. I tried telling her earlier this year to let DH be a father to his child and let the anger & bitterness go. What is, is and is not going to change...My plead to her fell on deaf ears. She doesn't see anything wrong with her behavior. She had excuse after excuse. I gave up because she doesn't WANT to change anything unless DH does everything that she wants him to do...

[gemmani]

Ohhhhhhhhh yesssssss.

In my situation, it's slightly different. My skids are young- 6,4,2. Right now, they are in the process of figuring people out so they ask a billion questions about everything. Natural development.
Almost every other week, they come for visitation upset. Fiance pulls me aside to explain whatever it was that made them upset. 9 times out of 10, it's their mother. Now, I've been around a whole lot of little kids and I've never heard one say that they don't like mommy. The oldest one talks to me all the time because she says I listen to her.
The kids have taken the position of "defender". If their mom says something about me, they get upset. According to the oldest, she doesn't like hearing her mom say stuff about me because I'm always nice to them. I always try to defend BM or at least try to. The 2 oldest were the ones who usually got upset when it was time to go back to BM, but recently, the 2 year old started also. She was saying (in 2 year old talk) that she don't want mommy. The 2 oldest were trying to negatiate with us. They asked us what we did during the week and we said that we work. They begged us to stay with us, saying that they can come to work with us and they promised to be good. I told them their mom would miss them and they said no, mommy's mean.
THEN BM sends fiance text messages saying that she doesn't want the kids around me anymore. When he asked why, she just repeated what she said. He asks BM to have the oldest call him. She calls and he asked if something was wrong. She says no, mommy's just yelling about Gemmani. He asks her why and she starts crying. The phone cuts off.

The next week, they said nothing about their mom, but just kept saying they want to stay with us.

I don't want to fuel the fire, but at the same time I don't want to close the lines of communication with them. Fiance tells me that I'm the one they trust to talk to, even more than him. They always have to "talk" to me. He wants them to feel free speaking to me/us.

I don't like that fact that they don't like their mother. I feel that will cause problems for them later in life. But I'm starting to see some danger in defending BM to them. When the say something, I will say how sometimes when people are upset they say things that they don't really mean. The oldest came back real quick like, so why is she ALWAYS upset???
They don't need to know all of the issues, they are way too young. But they are also starting to see through my excuses for BM. I don't really know what to do at this point.

[gemmani]

Tellit

I can understand the psychology behind their actions, to a point. But what I don't get is, why do they want control? How can they expect the men to just sit around pinning for them? What is with the "I don't want him, but now I do b/c someone else has him" mentality?? Especially when she HAS SOMEONE ELSE?

Big ups to you, Tellit, for helping your DH grow. THAT'S what love and relationships are all about, growing into a better person. No matter what's going on with his BM, just know that you did good for him AND your SD by helping him. A true backbone.