Setting the Record Straight

[gemmani]

Ok. I've seen time and time again how certain BMs on this forum like to imply that the wife/gf of BD is jealous and insecure. Let me break it down for those who really don't get it.

We (wives/gf) have nothing to be insecure or jealous about. If BD wanted to be with BM, then gosh darnit, he would be. Nobody's holding him hostage. When I see comments like those, it sounds to me like that's something BM tells herself to go to sleep at night.

Youknowwhatitis made a comment about how silly it is to consider BM as a low rung on the totem pole....... That was originally MY comment, and it didn't even originate with me, it was my fiance's comment. If BM knew how to act decently, maybe we could move her up to semi-useful. So besides pick-up/ drop-offs, BM doesn't matter. It helps that since BM detests taking care of her own kids and leaves them at their Grandfather's house, and the GF is nice to us, we get them whenever we want. Bm doesn't want to tell us anything about the kids. We find out through some of her nicer family members. We contact the school directly. We speak to the teachers. We know their babysitters. Since BM is a fruitcake, we took the initiative and found the contacts we need to stay involved in their lives. Co-parenting is nil. We don't need her to know what's going on.

BTW, Youknow wants to call me out about my post Dreaded first meeting. I just have to tell you that you sound very bitter and you make no sense.
I know that BM likes drama. She's said things about me to many people. Don't you think, as a human being, that I would be apprehensive about the meeting? After hearing what she said, and knowing how she acts, am I wrong to be concerned about causing a scene in front of the kids? Nope, don't think so.

After all was said and done, I walked away from the event with BM with my man, and my stepkids. BM was the one all pissed off and upset, looking at us as we walked off.
You want to act like you're this "holier than thou" person, when in actuality you are bitter and trying to put others down so they can be bitter just like you. Sorry your BD doesn't want you. Sorry his family doesn't want anything to do with you. Sorry that you have to sit there and call people jealous to make yourself feel better.

When people cross boundaries, I take offense to that, no matter who they are. BM, stranger on the street, best friend, it doesn't matter. You know nothing about my relationship. The again, you're just BM so you really have no clue what a TRUE marriage/ relationship is like. We share EVERYTHING. We are best friends. His kids/ my stepkids absolutely LOVE me. I'm glad he talks to me about things, that's why I'm here. Both my fiance AND the kids hate it when BM runs her mouth about me. The kids will call me and APOLOGIZE (just happened last night) if they hear their mom saying stuff about me. They wanted to make sure I knew they didn't like it and to see if I'm okay. I'm going to MARRY him because we are in love, extremely compatible, and he treats me beautifully.

You sound like the PRIME reason there is BMD.

[bmdramaof2]

Go Head Gemmani. I think your right they are bitter and just sit around a whallo in there own misery that they put on themselves. No one asked them to get pregnant they decided that and I just can't stand the fact that there alone raising a child that the women has the only real say in. When they say I'm this and that I'm a strong women. Your not strong because you are biting at heels for money your weak and insure and need to cling to something that doesn't want you. I think the Wives /GF's deserve more credit shhhuuu we are dealing with you and taking care of the things that you decided to put in this world. I do love my SC's but I didn't ask for them but I'm a strong women that will deal with crazy BM because the love I have for my DH.

[youknowwhatitis]

Bitter...............if telling the truth makes you bitter than I guess I'll be.

SO LET ME....SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.

-There are countless gf/wifey who are intimidated by the BM and fear she will sleep with him or if her and BD get into it or fall out or divorce he will go back to BM...........That's just the facts

-The fact that so many people get on the board and dog the BM out if she is sooooooooo UNIMPORTANT as you.......then why do her antics provoke such a response

-Gf's/wifeys are quick to say that he BM is bitter or jealous.........but yet b*tch and moan about BD having to pay HER CS...........well what do you call that

-As I have pointed out before there are good and bad gf/wifey and there are good and bad BM's. But no self respecting BM is EVER going to bend and flex to suit a BD's SO........just not the case.........not jealousy or bitterness just respecting one's self......just as you say the BM means nothing to you..........you my dear's mean nothing to the BM.........she is (if she is) primarily concerned with her childrens dad (and rightfully so) because she probably wants her $$$$$$$$ LOL
-

[youknowwhatitis]

The difference between me and ya'll is I never said BD was not important. I never try to bash gf/s / wifey unless it's in defense of BM's. I wrote the letter because their were things I felt needed to be said that I never got a chance to say. So that was my outlet.

Unlike the ya'll I don't keep on bashing all BD's in general just my own. I don't have the desire to make my bd "know his place" LOL...whatever the hell that's supposed to mean

[gemmani]

I'm sorry.....who is b*tching and moaning about paying CS? I've yet to hear any one of these ladies talking sideways about CS.
Apparently, your bitterness makes you unable to comprehend things. Let me say it loud and clear:
NOBODY HAS AN ISSUE WITH PAYING CHILD SUPPORT. IT IS COMPLETELY NECESSARY AND THE KIDS DESERVE IT.

You WISH we were all jealous and insecure, because the BMs like you CAN'T HANDLE the fact that BD wants nothing to do with you. Your poor shattered pride refuses to believe it. So sorry, get over it.

Whenever I talk about BM, its regarding one of two things:

The latest gimmick she uses to get my fiance back or
The kids are upset about something. The last scenario happens the most, because BM apparently LOVES to talk about me around the kids.

SOOOOOOO........... where I am bashing BM for kicks and giggles??? Hmm? Please point out that post to me, oh wise-n- bitter Youknowwhatitis. I won't be holding my breath.

Her antics are pathetic. Besides when it happens, the only place I come to vent is this forum. Period. I do not talk about her in my daily life. Unless they bring her up, I don't mention her when the kids are around. THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF THIS FORUM. We can vent, say what's on our mind to others who are experiencing the same situations. And then we go on with our days.

Your "truth" really sounds like the opinion of a BITTER person. But thank you, it helps to hear how BMs justify themselves.

[youknowwhatitis]

Your insecurity is obviously clouding your judgement...........I my dear want nothing to do with BM.............BD want's nothing to do with my son dear because he is obsessed with me because I'm better than him simply my dear. So is his family..........mad and bitter because I'm better (yes I said it) and because THIS BM won.

In the end I got my BABY, my MONEY, my EDUCATION, and the RESPECT that I deserve. They are cowards plain and simple can't HANDLE DEFEAT so they retreat.

I my dear's have lost nothing and gained everything.

BD has nothing, no HEALTH, no WEALTH, no RESPECT, no RELATIONSHIP with son, no EDUCATION. Need I say more.

Am I upset these people were so ignorant......of course but in the END..........I EMERGE [glow=red,2,300]VICTORIOUS.[/glow] Call it what you want. But this BM is ON TOP.

[mex1111]

How 'bout everybody stop responding to Youknowwhatitis and let her remain Victorious? She can be BaD all by herself, obviously. She's set for life.

Just stop. Y'all are wasting your energy debating with this woman. I came to this site for guidance, and I think you've succeeded in posting for the BM side, Youknow.

I'm done.

[gemmani]

Okay. I'm down with that. There's just this pesky part of my personality that MUST argue my point to the death!! But it isn't that serious. I agree to disagree here.

[youknowwhatitis]

Sounds like you're hating mex111............you couldn't go toe to toe with me and you know it. But suggesting everyone boycott me.......that suggests to me your P*ssy. That is what the boy is for everyone BMs and whoever else a like to debate and support and argue sides so everyone learns. Obviously you're too chicken for that....HATER

[gemmani]

Boy o boy, the fun never ends.........

[mex1111]

Lol OK I wasn't going to respond, but I read your other posts when I was looking at posts from earlier this year. There are some really good discussions that were brought up...

Anyway, I saw your posts in some of them and you had some good stuff to say. I also noticed that people have been disagreeing with you since the beginning, but they wanted you to stick around because you were bringing up some good points.

I just got tired of reading your angry-looking posts. I just don't like being around people who are constantly splewing negativity. I know, it's just online discussion.. not real-time interaction...
The fact that you called me weak was low though. I'm a very chill person, so that's how I deal with things I don't want to deal with (by walking away or ignoring it).

Anyways, I just wanted to apologize for suggesting everyone ignore you. lol but it ain't my fault if someone agreed!

[mex1111]

OH! I also wanted to offer my reasons for not wanting to read your "angry-looking posts" as I said.
Allright?...

My father was in the military ever since I was a baby, and still is. After 20 years of marriage, and constant absence from home (because he was fighting in the war or stationed overseas), he finally OFFICIALLY cheated (made it known) while he was in Germany and told my mom that he wanted a divorce. FORTUNATELY, she had just graduated from her LPN program so that she would have steady and decent income. Also, she had also acquired citizenship years back, and a driver's license, and perfected her English.

At the time, I was in college (with the help of scholarships and loans) and my brother was a preteen. Alot of unfortunate events went down during my dad's (and mine! I usually take care of him) absence. My little brother got into trouble with the law and ran up legal costs, even getting my mom kicked out of housing (which is 'free' for military families). My dad no longer wanted to help us pay for college, so my mom took on the full burden . I was working part time, but it wasn't enough..
When he asked for the divorce, he told her that she didn't need to get a lawyer. She did because she knew she could no longer count on him to care for her. How could she? He cheated, cussed at her, even talked to the other woman on the phone IN FRONT OF HER in her own d**n house! SHE DID get a lawyer, and I am thankful that she did, because he wasn't going to leave her with many rights.

This was a very difficult time for my mother; she even suffered from depression because of all of the mess she had to deal with. She told me that she could not cope with him leaving her after soooo many years. She waited faithfully for him every time he left home on assignment!!! I know she did, she would never have cheated on him. She found a good Christian church and it helped her regain her strength...

She eventually moved across the country to be close to family. We were alienated in the South, where he resides, now we're on the West Coast. What was the point of sticking around if he never visited? She would suffer there. My little brother got into more trouble here on the West Coast, but my mom has seen it as a wake up call. He is learning very invaluable lessons about his actions and the consequences of them. Those events have also spurred his dad to call more often, because he has somethin' to really worry about now. Who wouldn't be worried about his teenage son getting cut up by glass?

Anyway... My point is, my mom has been through ALOT. That's an understatement.
I think he basically switched her to BM status. She still shows that she is mad at him for what he did to her, but she doesn't let her bitterness spread to anyone else.

I'm just sayin', some people could chill.