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Post by madgrlfrnd on Aug 21, 2008 17:13:18 GMT -5
the baby mom gets plnty attn on this form but dad is respncible to. my firend dont do nothin to stop it he sits there n makes xuses. im fed up if he dont do nothin aint nuts gonna change. im pissed off. he nneeds to file to courts-some nuts. bm stupid pregnant dog n he stupid to. i give up f**kem both
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Post by im2grown4this on Aug 21, 2008 20:07:32 GMT -5
What??
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Post by gemmani on Aug 22, 2008 10:29:59 GMT -5
I think I get what you are saying. Yeah its the BM starting the drama, but if BD would just put his foot down and set some limits then maybe it wouldn't be as bad. (maybe)
I think part of the reason is GUILT. They feel guilty about the fact that their child/children are growing up in a broken home. They feel guilty for not being around like they used to be. BMs take advantage of that and start with the insane demands. BD gives in, because it's "for the kids", no matter how irrelevant the task.
I feel like this: if BD is going to continue to jump at BM's whims, then they need to be together and stop bringing other people into the drama that he's not going to fix.
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Post by jaylady999 on Aug 22, 2008 10:49:20 GMT -5
I think part of the reason is GUILT. They feel guilty about the fact that their child/children are growing up in a broken home. They feel guilty for not being around like they used to be. BMs take advantage of that and start with the insane demands. BD gives in, because it's "for the kids", no matter how irrelevant the task. I feel like this: if BD is going to continue to jump at BM's whims, then they need to be together and stop bringing other people into the drama that he's not going to fix. this is completely what it is. GUILT. in most cases it has nothing to do with BD wanting BM still. its pure guilt. my husband, now that we are for the most part out of the drama can express himself clearly and say he just felt bad for her having his 2 kids and moving on and living with me and my child. he didnt still want her, but he just felt bad about it. thus letting her get away with more than she should have. but if he had to choose, he said there is no way he'd be with her, so he just had to man up and do what he could for his children and love on them the best he could without living with them. |
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Post by daddyinpdx on Aug 22, 2008 12:23:12 GMT -5
Madgrlfrnd,
I'm a BD and can see how you could feel the way you feel about the situation. In most cases, the reason why most men brown nose their BM is purely out of "FEAR" yes fear. Look deeper into this situation.
The man may have multiple children by either the BM and or another BM besides the first. An increase in his financial obligations could cripple the intimacy in his present relationship. So he plays along with the game until he can come up on better oppurtunities to do better for both himself and for his children.
Me are performance driven. If you meddle with a mans ability to provide is like castrating him by the testicles. That could really wound a man to the point of despair.
I was just like this BD before I receive my degree's, certifications, and experiece. Even though what my BM was doing to me was totally un called for, I had to keep a cool hand. I allowed for my BM to become like a sparring partner so to speak.
Through it all, I became better with my finances, became a landlord, and rose like a Phonenix in court.
Guilt on the other hand will force people to over extend themselves to the point of hurting themselves. These actions serve to compensate for the blunders made during the previous relationship.
I really don't know the dynamics of the relationship, so I can't say what BD is doing incorrectly.
I can only speak from my personal experiences.
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