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Post by gemmani on Aug 22, 2008 10:23:32 GMT -5
I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this Tellit. I agree, get it out of your head for a while, stress is so not good for our health. Take care of your self.
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Post by jaylady999 on Aug 22, 2008 10:30:51 GMT -5
I am sorry you are going through this. Its ashame these BM have to be this way, but it is definitely the reality of dealing with a man with children by someone else. Take care of yourself and I will pray for you and your situation.  |
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Post by daddyinpdx on Aug 22, 2008 12:10:10 GMT -5
Sometimes you have to detach from the situation. Detachment brings clarity. Clarity begats fulfillment. Stay focused and don't allow this outsider to have as much as an ounce of control in your life.
Stand close to your husband and be successful. Success is the greatest weapon for a BM to witness. Always be at your best when you see her. Even if you are in court. Never allow for her to get you down. Disgust and disillusionment is a BM target.
You'll be fine.
Peace
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Post by jaylady999 on Aug 22, 2008 12:23:40 GMT -5
Sometimes you have to detach from the situation. Detachment brings clarity. Clarity begats fulfillment. Stay focused and don't allow this outsider to have as much as an ounce of control in your life. Stand close to your husband and be successful. Success is the greatest weapon for a BM to witness. Always be at your best when you see her. Even if you are in court. Never allow for her to get you down. Disgust and disillusionment is a BM target. You'll be fine. Peace I swear if you leave this board, I will stalk you like I am another one of your BM's ;D |
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Post by daddyinpdx on Aug 22, 2008 12:25:31 GMT -5
Lol, I almost choked on my cereal.
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Post by jaylady999 on Aug 22, 2008 12:28:09 GMT -5
Lol, I almost choked on my cereal.  can you do me a favor and go over to the thread titled "Male Point of View" and read what the gentleman wrote about BM/BD relationships. I am dying to get your insight on that one  |
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Aug 22, 2008 14:03:00 GMT -5
Tellit my heart goes out to. I know how it feels to be in the middle and caught up in an uneccessary dispute. How terrible for you to have to constantly reshape your family finances and shift things around. But remember you said DH was worth it........hold your head up and be strong and remember that you can't put a price on what you and DH have.
When a man has children with an outside woman their will always be a little bit or a lot of extra pull on you all's relationship. Because children are a lot of responsibility and they cost. Unfortunately an already difficult situation has been turned into a nightmare unfortunately. Trust me I understand.....it's the same with BD and family. What I've learned tellit is that those who do not get what they want will always hate those who do. It's a fact of life.....if only everyone was MATURE. Those pesky little insecure immature people cause BIG problems for everyone involved. This time BM is throwing a grown woman TANTRUM. Let her have all she is due........then remove yourself from the dram. Like they say in the parenting books..........ignore the TANTRUM.....then the behavior will stop. She obviously likes upsetting you all....I know she does and yes she is vindictive but the meanest thing you can do is NOT CARE. Slowly but surely I'm getting to that place with BD where I do not care. Son will be 2 years old soon....I highly doubt they will call or even give him any birthday presents. Christmas will be the same but this time it'll be different Tellit because I won't care I won't be upset or embarrased. My son has me and Jesus and together we ARE more than enough. If anyone asks if his father is in the picture I will not be embarassed or ashamed to say NO........he was seriously
injured in a car accident when my son was was a newborn and he is disabled. So he doesn't help out much ()because I do receive financial assistance) and he lives out of state. And that's it....it's not even worth a lot of words or explaining. In the end it's his loss. I can forgive what went on with us and how they've treated my son and I. However I cannot forget how they've treated my son and I and must protect him from their venom. Maybe BD will wise up and become a part of son's life and I have forgiven enough to allow him. But it seems to me that BD can't have a relationship with son without BD's family having a relationship with him because even if they're not physically present because their influencing him and what they are telling him is in his head and coming out in his actions. But prayer helps all things keep your head up and stay strong. I'm sure you will.
Youknowwhatitis
I'm starting school Monday and won't be posting for a while either but I'll keep ya posted on finishing school and graduation etc. Keep in touch with the board.
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Post by daddyinpdx on Aug 22, 2008 19:38:01 GMT -5
CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth,
You also bring good tidings to the group. Although I agree with most of the things that you have posted, there are other points that I have to disagree with you. I hope its alright for brothers to agree to disagree.
Listed below are responses to the statements you made:
CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth - Any MAN who claims that he can not Control his BM is LYING...
daddyinpdx – I disagree with you. No one can control no one. We can’t even control our bowels or our breathing when they become irregular. To control something or someone is to also “dominate”
We can never succeed in the drama by trying to control others. In most cases, the reason why most men brown nose their BM is purely out of "FEAR" yes fear. Look deeper into this situation.
The man may have multiple children by either the BM and or another BM besides the first. An increase in his financial obligations could cripple the intimacy in his present relationship. So he plays along with the game until he can come up on better opportunities to do better for both himself and for his children.
Men are performance driven. If you meddle with a mans ability to provide is like castrating him by the testicles. That could really wound a man to the point of despair.
A BD can’t just go threatening your BM with taking legal actions aloud like she’s goanna conform. This woman will have you walking backwards on the wrong side of the street with your shoelaces missing.
Some passive women will go for this, but bra they have some bitter women out there who are real chess players that will check mate that ass with a macho mentality.
CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth - . (Depending on the situation) The Man don't want to because...if he takes her to court most likely he will have to pay child support and he could barely support his self...so HE DON'T STOP her CRAP....however still NOT a good enough reason.
Daddyinpdx – This is partially true. Most men, me included prevented from dealing with the courts because of 2 things. One, I was not financial prepared to fund a custody dispute. A retainer is somewhere in the realms of $5,000. It took me many years to come up with a legal fund.
A true warrior has to pick his battles wisely. Second, I had to assure safety to family and children. Think about it, if your BM is cutting tires for getting a girl friend, she is goanna be off da chair when she is served with custody papers. The man is now a target for possible false allegations such as stalking, sexual abuse, and harassment. A man has to think ahead of all of these possible angles before mounting a defense. Make sure that your front is right and tight before you light into a legal “takeover”
CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth - The Moral of what I am saying, is that if your man loves and respects you as the QUEENS all of YOU ARE.... He would make SURE that Nothing or NO ONE HURTS or STRESSES you, BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY....and ANYTHING LESS is a RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG....and you WOMEN ALWAYS OVERLOOK ALL of the RED FLAGS that I Believe that GOD Shows you, Just for the sake of having the company of a MAN. Sweet HEART.....LOVE DOES NOT HURT NOR STRESS YOU OUT........Check the Definition!
Daddyinpdx – CoolBrofromdanaughtysouth this is real talk. This shows the difference between a real man and a sucka. A real man makes moves, while a real sucka gets rolled on and dictated to by his baby momma. She clowns because she knows he aint gonna budge.
But whoa is the woman who plays this tactic on the BD that masquerades to be a sucka and thus surprises her with a legal coup. She will be begging her BD for surrender. The element of surprise is a persons greatest weapon against Baby Momma Drama.
Don’t cuss, fuss, or threaten. Just stack the cards in your favor and establish your parental rights relentlessly.
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Post by daddyinpdx on Aug 25, 2008 20:18:30 GMT -5
I love to see a man and his woman go against the world no matter the odds. I can see that the BM is really unhappy with her present situation.
A real woman doesn't stoop to petty levels. She just handles her buizness. She didn't even have all of her ducks in a row.
You guys put the burden of proof back on her by remaining consistent and playing by the rules and not "doing the fool."
Real smart move when you guys dealt directly with the "establishment" Baby momma did not even think you guys was goanna play those cards. That's why she withdrawled her position.
I had this to happen to me 4 times (same BM).
You have to maintain excellent record keeping skills. That puts all the BS to the side. CSE loves to see when people have the proper paperwork to support the truth. They hate to hear the "he say, she say mess"
Good Game.
Yall won the battle in the midst of the war.
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Post by gemmani on Aug 26, 2008 9:02:11 GMT -5
Glad you're back Tellit. That poor girl is going to be so confused. I don't think your BM understands what she is doing to your stepdaughter. Either she is going to have issues based on the fact that "daddy wasn't around" (not your DH's fault at all) or she'll turn on her mother for keeping her dad away. What a selfish woman.
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can you do me a favor and go over to the thread titled "Male Point of View" and read what the gentleman wrote about BM/BD relationships. I am dying to get your insight on that one 