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Post by jaylady999 on Aug 24, 2008 8:33:59 GMT -5
The quality time and financial support are vital necessities in rearing children. The most of all is love. I had neither mother nor father raise me after the age of 8. I was raised by a village of non related, non system employed individuals. I am a true example that fate rules over nature. It's not in the nature for most to step up and be responsible for their off spring. God's fate will always order the steps of a winner. Were you raised by the DCFS system? I only ask because my sons father grew up in that system as well. I sincerely believe that his lack of resources as a child is what makes him the awesome father that he is to my son. You reminded me a lot of him in reading some of your first few posts, but if you grew up in DCFS, I can now connect why the similarities are there so strongly. ;D |
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Aug 24, 2008 14:19:12 GMT -5
See, I agree that God will and does order the steps of a winner....as he has ordered mine. But God also is a God of order and operates on a RESPECT system. God will not allow a man who choses not to be a MAN which is what he called him to be prosper. In your case I say God knew you would eventually turn around and in the case with that 1 particular child maybe you really are the better parent to raise that child the mother may not have it together. But I also know that the world's system thrives on money.........and sadly it is often those with the most money who win. Money = Respect in this country. Is it right........no but that's how it is.
God does not respect a man who will not provide for his own. In Proverbs it says plainly " A man who will not take care of his own is worse than an atheist." This is something that God takes very serious it is direct violation of HIS divine order. Nobody reserves the right to violate HIS divine order. The order is God- Human Male- Human Female - Human Child and Satan (organized negative intelligent energy that cause BAD things to happen) is HIS divine order. When a Human male decides not to take care of his offspring the who divine order is shut down. Which has adverse effects on the woman and child and ultimately the man himself. If this pains God's heart why should it not pain mine.
Women and men are chemically designed differently. Stress that a man can handle.......a Woman can't. A woman was not designed to Head a Household. She can do it with God's help but every single mother does not believe in God or have a relationship with him........and those children are suffering as a result of it. God will hold those boys who didn't step up responsible for the demise of those children.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Aug 24, 2008 14:22:25 GMT -5
God's divine order is protection against Satan who is at the bottom of the food chain. When Gods order is broken it gives Satan free reignt to cause chaos = Bm/bd drama.
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Post by ty1981 on Aug 24, 2008 15:06:06 GMT -5
I am sick and tired of women holding on to what happened in their relationship. This has nothing to do with the ability to be a good parent. So, he cheated. Maybe he wasn't ready for a relationship or maybe he wasn't ready for a relationship with you. You were two adults in a relationship.......you could have chosen to leave....you could have used birth control, condoms, had an abortion, given your child up for adoption. I do not feel sorry for single parents because you made the choices that led you to where you are.
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Post by jaylady999 on Aug 24, 2008 15:31:28 GMT -5
I am sick and tired of women holding on to what happened in their relationship. This has nothing to do with the ability to be a good parent. So, he cheated. Maybe he wasn't ready for a relationship or maybe he wasn't ready for a relationship with you. You were two adults in a relationship.......you could have chosen to leave....you could have used birth control, condoms, had an abortion, given your child up for adoption. I do not feel sorry for single parents because you made the choices that led you to where you are. amen, amen and amen! |
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Aug 24, 2008 20:43:37 GMT -5
No single parent asked for your sympathy...........keep your comments to yourself if you don't feel sorry. Who crowned you chief and judge to tell someone else how they made their own bed and you don't you are not all that. Sounds to me your bitter because you or you boo has to pay cs and deal with BM drama.
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Post by jaylady999 on Aug 24, 2008 21:59:03 GMT -5
youknowwhat lets be real for a minute and really admit that seriousy, as women, the positions we find ourselves in are OURS. when a man and a woman have a child together, esp without the benefit of marriage, a fact of life is that the majority of the burden falls on the mother. its just how it is. so when we lay down with a man, as a woman, we need to be more mindful of who we are sleeping with. i was with my BD for 3 yrs before i got pregnant by him, and i would have never thought he would have hurt me so bad while i was carrying his child. but at the end of the day, some of the blame comes directly back to me. i should not have been sleeping with him without protection knowing i didnt have the benefit of marriage from this man. he is an excellent father i must add, but at the end of the day, the majority of the responsibility falls on me becuz i am the custodial parent,which most mothers are. we cannot control anyone's actions except our own, so we shouldnt put 100% blame on another person when there were things we ourselves could have done to prevent our situations. i think thats all the previous poster was trying to say  |
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Post by ty1981 on Aug 24, 2008 22:54:42 GMT -5
youknowwhat
I have handbags that cost more than the $600 that my "boo" pays in child support. Instead of running around after men and getting pregnant.....I "chose" to put myself thru undergrad and grad school. I feel that we as women should empower ourselves. Educate ourselves. Enjoy our youth. Men will tell you anything....but at the end of the day you have to be able to depend on yourself. Now, at this point in my life if I "chose" to have children......I will be ok whether he stays or leaves because I have prepared myself. I am for the empowerment of women...but we have to start taking some of the responsibilities for our actions.
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Post by gemmani on Aug 25, 2008 8:01:48 GMT -5
I think what really gets me about Youknow's responses is that she lists all the ways she is making life better for herself, but it sounds like the main reason for it is to make her BD jealous as opposed to doing it for her son. Like these are all the ways that make her a better person than her BD.
Now, in no way, shape or form am I taking that away from her. Big ups to being a single mom. But if you got all that going for you, then forget about BD. You can't make him be a parent, but you can be the best one YOU can be. But you also can't hate all other men based on the previous actions of your BD. THAT'S the bitterness I always detect.
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Post by daddyinpdx on Aug 25, 2008 16:07:02 GMT -5
Gemmani,
I feel you. Pain has a funny way of transforming one's focus. I must admit, I used to be just like that. I just wannted to let my BM's know that they was not going to keep me down. I would pay the child support and still floss on them, still get my kids, still be fly when I came to get them and drop them off. That was my rationale behind keeping up my appearance and career.
I didn't realize how destrctive this type thinking is until the kids came through frequently. They made me wanna focus on them. My kids were even telling me to get with the program because they needed me. I'm my kids first sucka LOL :0). My kids hit me deep in the heart.
So I gave up the games to be a real father and also true to myself.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Aug 25, 2008 19:23:45 GMT -5
Gemmani...........it seems to me you are looking at things through the eyes of the problems your having with your BM. First of all I was in college when I met Bd.......it was already working on becoming a nurse. My improvements are in no way to make BD jealous.........but to better myself as they have always been I would've been a nurse if I hadn't met BD and having a baby is not stopping me from becoming a nurse. So all in all you are dead WRONG!!! I am more focused and more determined because I a mother and a provider but BD knew well before the accident I was in school to become a nurse. It had NOTHING to do with him. Give me the credit I deserve and stop trying to chalk it up to BD because with or without him I am still a BAD pregnant dog.
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Post by im2grown4this on Aug 25, 2008 19:36:29 GMT -5
youknowwhat, You want to talk about GOD's divine order and what GOD says a man should be. But what about you? GOD says that we need to forgive. You sound like you just can't let it go. You just harbor the bitterness inside and it keeps you from receiving all the blessings that GOD has in store for you. Yeah, you are doing good for yourself and your child, but GOD made that possible. HE makes a way for you to do what it is you need to do to provide. So, you need to revisit your bible and truly get an understanding of what forgiveness does for you in GOD'S eyes. You will be a much happier, healthier (emotionally) person for you and your son. Leave BD where he is at, you can't change him. You can't force him to do or be anything that he will not. So, just leave him to be dealt with by GOD. He will be dealt with, you can believe that. Have faith that as long as you are living by HIS will, he will not forsake you. He will always make a way.  |
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Post by jaylady999 on Aug 25, 2008 22:50:19 GMT -5
youknowwhat, You want to talk about GOD's divine order and what GOD says a man should be. But what about you? GOD says that we need to forgive. You sound like you just can't let it go. You just harbor the bitterness inside and it keeps you from receiving all the blessings that GOD has in store for you. Yeah, you are doing good for yourself and your child, but GOD made that possible. HE makes a way for you to do what it is you need to do to provide. So, you need to revisit your bible and truly get an understanding of what forgiveness does for you in GOD'S eyes. You will be a much happier, healthier (emotionally) person for you and your son. Leave BD where he is at, you can't change him. You can't force him to do or be anything that he will not. So, just leave him to be dealt with by GOD. He will be dealt with, you can believe that. Have faith that as long as you are living by HIS will, he will not forsake you. He will always make a way. i wholeheartedly agree. all of her posts just seem to ooze of.....bitterness. |
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Post by gemmani on Aug 26, 2008 8:31:05 GMT -5
Youknowwhatitis First of all, please read the posts thoroughly before responding to me. I'm pretty certain I gave you your props in that post. Pay attention. With him or without him you are still a bad b*tch........ok then, why all the hostility?? Yes, it SUCKS that he's not there, but you're so busy harping on BD and talking about rights and all this nonsense when you really could just be the best person you can be without him. Whether he's there for your son or not, that's on BD. But that BITTERNESS is coming through loud and clear to your son. Who wants to grow up with a bitter mother? I'm looking at the situation based on the information YOU provide. I have no issues with BMs in general, I know quite a few. They have dead-beat BDs just like you. Unlike you, they chose to just go about their lives and handle their business. If the BD wants to come around, they let them come. If the BD disappears for a while, they take it in stride. They have every reason in the world to be angry and bitter. Instead, they are happy, their kids are happy. The kids know the deal with their dads, but they have other father figures in their lives. Yeah you have a right to be angry, but for how long?  ?? And why must that anger come through loud and clear from EVERY post? You're sitting there drinking poison......and waiting for your BD to get sick. Forgiveness is key. |
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Post by ty1981 on Aug 26, 2008 10:01:15 GMT -5
Relationships can be a very tricky thing. There are two different people involved....with two different sets of feelings and it is so easy to miscommunicate. WE HAVE ALL BEEN HURT AT SOME TIME OR ANOTHER! The thing I learned about most people who do grimey sh*t, is while you are up at night crying your eyes out...they are not thinking about you at all. However, on the other hand we all make mistakes, do I think everything my DH has done in the past was smart or even right, hell no. I could say the same for myself, but you live and you learn and you move on. If you choose to hang on to that anger...that is your right, but in the end you only hurt yourself because more than likely, the other person has moved on. I am a principal at an elementary school (the youngest one in my district I might add), and I see these wars everyday. I think that it is an injustice to children that the adults in their lives don't grow up....let go and let God......and learn how to co-exsist and be the best parents they cane be. I believe from experience and cases that you can't do that if you are still holding on to anger...your child feels that and will react to it.
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