Countermoves for Baby Mama Drama

[daddyinpdx]

This post is to add insite and leverage to the games baby mommas play. Read the following and you will be soo much sharper.

Prob - Baby moma turns ringer off the phone so that children never know that you are calling.

Solution - Send a postcard, email, or letter to your kids grandparents. , and make copies. This will put a whole in the nest of lies that the mother or father is feeding the children.

Note: always keep your phone records. This shows your attempts made to call your kids.

Prob - BM/BD is badmouthing you to kids about child support.

Solution - always scan your payroll deductions, receipts, gift certificates, or money orders into a computer. Put them into Adobe Acrobat format. Our children will read eventually.

Note: I'm always tempted to build a myspace page with a slideshow of documents to shut up the haters, but this isn't necessary. Good records will change poisoned minds without the extra tacticts.

Prob - BM/BD always says that the kids have practice or have something that prevents them from spending time with you.

Solution- Document the conversation by paper, voice activated dictator, or journal. I prefer voice activated recorder. Go to radio shack and spend about $35.00. It's not admissable in court, but the Judge will listen in his or her chambers if you can prove maliciousness on the part of your ex.

Note: you goal is to allow you ex to set themselves into their own trap without you having to bad mouth their character. They are doing a good job at doing this themselves.

The element of suprise always prompts respect from the BM/BD. Game recognizes Game.

Prob - BM/BD refuses to list you as an emergency contact on school record.

Solution - Send nice email to school principle to be listed. Otherwise seek visitation rights through courts.

Note: establish a paper trail first. Be sure to have consistent tracking of child support to BM/BD.

Prob - You always receive children in too small shoes, clothes, and hairstyles.

Solution - take digital photos of clothes, sizes, and document.

Study the law in your state about neglect. Worst comes to worst, you can hit your ex with neglect and swoop up the kids.

Some BM/BD are so hateful that they will neglect your kids to hurt you. Be wise and silent then make your move.

Note: always make a habit of taking photos and journaling "any" significant changes and mailing them to yourself and don't open until court. you need the governemnts date stamp. It makes it an official document.

Always make your calls at reasonable times of the day. Be respectful.

Calling too much is looked upon as "harasment"

Coming by unanounced is looked upon as "stalking."

A high toned voice is considered to be "agression"

Holding a persons arm is considered "kidnapping"

Always bring a credible witness when you are picking up your kids.

So be on top of your game because your ex does not want you to be close to the kids. It shows their hand and they cannot have that.

You have to be wise as a serpant and sweet as a dove.

[gemmani]

Wow......it sounds like you have been through it with BMD. What's your story?

[daddyinpdx]

I've been through the ringer with my BM's. It's one of the thorns in my side to say the least. It has been my lifelong penatly for being a "playa" and not a real man, lacking the qualities of being chilvalrous, honest, and having self respect.

I have since changed my life to become a more responsible, educated, and spiritual person. I no longer put myself or other women at risk by "playing the field"

When I changed, the situation did not. The drama has always been there. Scorned women in most cases are repulsed by a man who changes his life for the better. The saying goes "why didn't he do the right thing with me?"

Some men are also more severe than woman when it comes to breaking off relationships. It's just that it the norm for the woman to mother the children.

Once I moved on and got myself together, I returned to do right by my children. This is when all hell broke loose. "How dare you?" is what I was told.

I've been sent to jail on bogus charges (DA reject - insufficient evidence / lies), been served over 5 consecutive times in over a 7 year period for child support. The on again - off again child support summons were mindboggling. Especially when having to respond to the courts in a prompt manner and show proof "everytime".

My ex tried to use child support as a way to humble me. She stopped when she saw that the courts threathned to changed custody of the children for her many acts of senseless maliciousness.

I've had more woman judges than men judges and they all thought that my BM's were crazy. I received "favor" because the courts saw me taking care of business and moving on with my life. I keep good documentation of all receipts and phone records. Magistrated judges were "impressed."

I've flown to my home town to see kids (properly establishing contact with BM) only for BM to not answer the phone and take kids out of school. I've spent thousands of $$$ in travel only to be played with.

I can't tell you the countless times that I called my children and never had a returned call. I even contacted the grand parents who were "saved folk" and tried to use them as a safe buffer to see the kids and no go. They just replied "you guys need to talk" I'm like what?

Child attempted suicide because BM would not allow my child to see me. I can go on and on about what I've been through, but it would probably uncover old wounds.

Just know this board, play your cards in the begginning. You must take action ASAP!!!!!!

If your children are young, then you have a good chance. If your children are teenagers, than you are goanna have to wait until they are on their own. Most chidren know the deal, but choose to parrot the feelings of the BM, so not to rock the boat.

Many BM go off on their children and even beat the child if they (children) support the views of the non-custodial parent. Especially when the child grows up to resemble the look of the non-custodial parent.

The BM feels like they have to tame the child from the "devil" so to speak. So they go all out on this malicious smear campaign to air out very distorted half truths about the father and his wife or lover.

Some trifling BM will claim that they are sick with these way "foreign" ailments so that they cannot work and desire for the father to "take care of them."

The pain and hate for the Father becomes so disturbing to these baby momams, that they become hypocondriacs and literally loose their moral judgement.

[jaylady999]

yes, please do tell

by the way, great info!

[jaylady999]

You are definitely an asset to this board, i hope you stay around and continue to give your insight. I really do. You remind me a lot of my DH.

[gemmani]

Whew! I'm winded just READING that. I'm sorry you had to LIVE through that! You make a lot of good points Daddyinpdx. Especially the part when you said that BM may take out her feelings on the children, especially if they look like the other parent. SO TRUE. My skids regularly get in trouble for just LIKING me. So far they don't agree with their mom in her feelings about us. Let's hope that continues.

I agree with Jaylady (as usual! Doesn't seem like there's much we disagree on!) I think you'd be an asset to this board so stick around!

[jaylady999]

Aug 22, 2008 11:35:59 GMT -5 gemmani said:

I agree with Jaylady (as usual! Doesn't seem like there's much we disagree on!) I think you'd be an asset to this board so stick around!

i think thats cuz our lives are so parallel girlie. we are

--------><----------
HERE

;D

[daddyinpdx]

Thank you board. I truly appreciate all of the "woman" on this board. I'm currently writing a book with all of my pointers.

I'm seriously thinking about doing a youtube video about this issue. I'm looking at the "legal ramifications" of doing so. I've been studying Parental Alienation Syndrome (google this) and family law for years. I hope that my insight has brought you all some leverage and most of all peace.

I've assisted both men and women in some very ugly situations. NOT TAKING SIDES. I belive that we all should do what is right instead of looking for who is right in the situation.

Righteousness has no respector of personalities. It prevails in all circles.

You are all good peoples and so are the BM, they just have a problem. We don't have to put up with the problems, we just need to change our responses to the drama.

People change only when you change first. I used to keep expecting different outcomes while doing the same thing which made me "temporarily insane"

Once I changed my attitude about the drama and educated myself about the effects that it had on my marriage and my children, than I began to recieve confidence (not arrogance) and began to move towards being an overcommer for myself, children, and spouse in such a dramtic situation.

I fought the good fight with tacticts that my BM's never thougth of. Most of which did not require the presence of a Law enforcement Officer. Most BM are so blinded by their envy, anger, and maliciousness; that they only look for the father to return the same evil.

I became wise as a serpent and sweet as a dove. Its like what one sees in the mafia movies when the Godfather kisses you before death with no reflection of anger present on the face.

Victory comes to one slow as one makes one counter move after another.

[youknowwhatitis]

Kudos for improving your life.........but I sense you did it to get even with your BM's to put yourself above them not for your children. You are a classic example of what I'm talking about. A man who cares only about exalting himself. You never ever said you apologized to BM's for for your past behavior. Instead you work tirelessy to attempt to get 1 over on her in court. Bd's like you make me sick. As a BM I believe if a father want's to be consistently involved with his child he should and she should be paying support.

I believe that the BM's are entitled to their support. Men will tell whichever woman whatever he needs to tell her to keep her off his case. Most men are selfish.........which I suspect you are and really are primarily concerned with their own selfish agenda's not that of the child. While their are some good BD's who handle business and respect his BM even if he chooses not to be with her....they are rare. Most men today are COWARDS.......especially those with BM drama.

[youknowwhatits]

Solutions for BM's with BD drama

1.) File CS immediately

2.) Move away from BD drama....keep credible witnesses that you were being harrassed

3.) Always get advice from a lawyer

4.) Refrain from doing and saying anything that can be used against you

5.) Relentlessly pursue success........educate, educate, educate yourself (you should be doing this even if you don't have BD drama)

6.) Enroll your child in a quality childcare center and get in good with the director so she can write a glowing letter about how great a parent you are and how little involvement she has seen from BD.

7.) Know that you do not have answer any of BD's calls. Or text messages. Do send a text saying his is always welcome to visit his child. Save it in your phone so it can always be noted they YOU never denied visitation if requested

8.) Find a good church home with a good pastor who can also vouch for you.........spirituality is considered good

9.) If BD gets too irritating do call your local police dept and let them know he's harassing you so you have them to vouch for you as well

10.) Never badmouth the other parent to the child..........it will make U look bitter

11.) Always put your child's best interest first while protecting yourself

12.) Never let BD outearn you too much

7.)

[daddyinpdx]

Youknowwhatits,

Thank you for the Kudos. I read your post with the upmost concern. I sense that you are really bitter towards my contributions to this board and maybe to all men in general.

Listed bellow are my responses to your statements.

youknowwhatits - A man who cares only about exalting himself

daddinpdx - I personally feel that all mankind should engage in self development. I strive to be a better man for the higher good of my family which contributes to the good in society. To degrade myself not only causes harm to myself, but compels me to negate my responsibility as a father and thus adds to the crime and the increasing statistic among broken families that produce the broken children.

youknowwhatits - You never ever said you apologized to BM's for for your past behavior

daddyinpdx- you are right, I did not touch on how I asked for forgiveness. I have to share with you that some women or men will not and cannot forgive you if it's not in their hearts to do so. I have made every righteous attempt to take responsibility for the things that have caused my Bm's grief. I try to agree to disagree. Problems began to persist until I took legal recourse. Now things are fine. I made the decision to use my brains instead of spewing my pain all over my children.

youknowwhatits -Instead you work tirelessy to attempt to get 1 over on her in court.

daddyinpdx - not necessarily. My BM gave me points by allowing her malicous behavior to expose her own evil deeds. I will always love my BM's, I just deplore the drama that was uncalled for.

youknowwhatits - As a BM I believe if a father want's to be consistently involved with his child he should and she should be paying support. I believe that the BM's are entitled to their support.

Daddyinpdx- is this "support" compensation for your emotional disposition? I ofter notice some BM become obsessive about obtaning child support. This is not the case with all BM. There are really some good women out there that are handling their business.

youknowwhatits -Most men today are COWARDS.......especially those with BM drama

Daddyinpdx- I concur, most men are not taking care of their responsibilities to their children. A man is not a coward just because he experiences baby momma drama.

In conclusion: The crux of the problem is that both sides are fighting to be right at the expense of the childs emotional well being. When we as adults should be doing what is right by the principles and values that one holds.

Youknowwhatits all men are not dogs. We are the images that reflect the signals you transmit from within your heart (mind, will, and emotions). To say that you hate the man, is to say that you also hate yourself. Because the man who you attracted just tuned into the signals you sent.

To say that you are displeased with mans lack of results aside from his nature is to see the work that must start from within. Just remember, when we have a problem with other person; we have the problem and to change it starts with self.

[youknowwhatitis]

I'm aware of that and you seem to be very insightful..........I am I bitter against all men......no.............young black men....................not bitter just don't care for them. Their morals and values are not together. Values and morals is what will sustain a person through life they are their foundation. I'm not hating on your contribution to the board.

As far as cs a child is a lot of HARD work...........most men don't know or realize because they are NOT the one's doing the ER visits and cleaning up puke, and getting up in the middle of the night and consoling a crying infant etc. So yeah, women do get obsessed with getting it not because their greedy............But because they want help and should be compensated for all they do. The workload of caring for a child is not equal amongst women an men. When that becomes equal............most men would probably rather pay child support.

Youknow

[daddyinpdx]

Youknowwhatitis,

Thank you for your down to earth response. I totally emphathize with you when it comes to taking care of the children. It really is a very challenging job, but I don't associate parenting with compensation.

Hard work is something that comes along with being a parent. You can't put a price tag on being a mother or father. To do so is to appear selfish if you ask me.

I have two children that I'm rasing and I don't focus on what the other parent is either doing or not doing.

I focus more so on putting that energy into loving, encouraging, and assisting my children to become a responsible fixtures in society.

We all work in an environment where some co-workers fail to produce in accomplishing various job related tasks. But we don't allow our co-workers inability to perform affect our own job duties.

So in conclusion, what you do secretly will be rewarded openly. If you are a good mother or father, you will be openly aknowledged. You don't have to rant and rave about what you do, Just do you and the blessings will follow.

[youknowwhatitis]

I agree with the fact that karma will take care of you but having a child is taxing and if the other parent is not pitching in physically or financially it does drain you as a mother. Parenting is a job for two not one.

However I am a firm believer that God will make it work however he has to. But I do believe that the parent who is custodial should be given financial support because they need it. Why should the other parent get off scott free when they helped create the responsibility. That applies to a single father or mother. The children fare better when there is adequate financial support and less financial and emotional distress on the primary caregiver.

[daddyinpdx]

Youknowwhatitis,

True dat in response to when you said, "The children fare better when there is adequate financial support and less financial and emotional distress on the primary caregiver."

I can not refute your statement. A man must truly stand up and provide when life calls him to do so. I am sad to say that many a man has truely fumbled the ball when it comes to providing both guiadance and financial support to our children.

This lack of being responsible has left a sour taste in the mouths of many women.

The quality time and financial support are vital necessities in rearing children. The most of all is love. I had neither mother nor father raise me after the age of 8. I was raised by a village of non related, non system employed individuals.

I am a true example that fate rules over nature. It's not in the nature for most to step up and be responsible for their off spring. God's fate will always order the steps of a winner.

I chose not to become a victim nor a statistic. Child support was unheard of in my life. I never saw one "check" from neither parent, but God sent me a friend that was closer than a brother.

I say this with conviction. When I obtained sole custody of one of my children; I ask the court "not" to award child support. I was told that in order to obtain custody, it is the law to recieve financial support.

So my ideal is that you do what you have to do. The BD is not your ultimate source of supply, but God is.