He's going to be a nanny.

[retrostar]

My boyfriend has decided that he is going to be a stay at home nanny with his brother's child and his own newborn. His brother is going to pay him about $50 a week and give him room and board (which means no rent payment for him). His BM will be saving $125 a week from him doing this.

He's already began to complain and it's been only 2 weeks. He says he hates being couped up in the house and "Stuck." I told him he made a commitment to both his brother and his BM - because they both pulled both children out of daycare and lost their spots for this school year. He's also been complaining about not having spending money and not being able to pay his bills. But the only good thing that he thinks is coming out of this is that he feels he doesn't have to give BM child support money.

I keep telling him that this doesn't mean he can stop giving her child support. They have yet to go to the courts to have it legally bound, but he's been giving her money since the baby was born in July. He is now saying "I'm watching him and providing for him, so I don't have to pay her anything."

I personally am not happy with his decision to quit his job and do this... I have a feeling deep down that this is going to cause turmoil in our relationship. I mean, it's great to see that he is willing to be in his child's life, and it also shows that he's good with children (or can be)... I just don't really know how to approach him to have a conversation regarding this matter. I tend to not get involved with things regarding his BM and the baby... but this involves me. We were talking about moving in together at the start of next year. If he continues this gig - how will he make money to save for moving costs and down payments? How will he pay for food? ...I think I am over reacting but I just needed to vent. Venting is good right?

What do you guys think?

[jaylady999]

Aug 29, 2008 11:03:06 GMT -5 retrostar said:

I keep telling him that this doesn't mean he can stop giving her child support. They have yet to go to the courts to have it legally bound, but he's been giving her money since the baby was born in July. He is now saying "I'm watching him and providing for him, so I don't have to pay her anything."

Well i personally think this is a gray area of child support. My opinion is that child support he is giving should be minimal, not becuz he is 'watching' his child on a daily basis, but moreso becuz if he has the child while she is at work, they about have the child 50/50 for the most part thus making this shared and joint custody. they should just about break even in my opinion.

[gemmani]

Hi Retrostar.

Okay......this is a hard one.
On one hand, its good that he's helping his brother and also taking the time to bond with his own baby. It's good to be an involved dad.

On the other hand........What grown man can live off of $200 a month? Honestly I feel this is a young girl's job, not a grown man with a newborn.

Does he really think that he should get off scott-free with not paying the BM CS??? Just because HE agreed to this absurdly low rate of pay doesn't mean that the baby won't need other things- food, diapers, clothing, drs. appoinments, supplies, furniture.....the list goes on. I can't believe he thinks this is all he needs to do regarding his son. The sad thing is, he might get away with it in court. (MIGHT. The judge will probably him to at least get a PT job) He has an obligation to his child. Just babysitting isn't the answer.
He has to stop thinking about giving BM money......it's his CHILD he's paying for.

So now that leaves you, Retrostar. We all know $50/wk isn't squat. So when his bills start to pile up, who is he going to turn to for help? When he needs food, clothing, miscellaneous items, who is supposed to foot the bill? He wouldn't be able to support himself, let alone a newborn.
If this mess continues, I suggest NOT moving in with him, unless you are prepared to handle the majority, if not ALL, the bills.

Honestly, this isn't a good arrangement. He should have kept his job and just paid BM what he owes her in CS. I see what you are saying, I can definitely see how this can severely affect your relationship. You are NOT overreacting.

[jaylady999]

Imani,

You know what, i was thinking of this totally a different way than you, but your point is very valid. i think i was thinking that while the child was in his care, he took care of food, diapers, etc and then while the child was in her care, she did the same, which would break them even, but now that i think about it, becuz his income is very low, she will probably be providing diapers, food, etc that the baby will need even while in the fathers custody. so you are right about this. the set up of the entire situation is questionable

[gemmani]

Exactly. It would probably break even for HER (BM), because while she doesn't have to pay for child care, BM would have to provide the supplies so it would cost about the same. It sounds like this guy is just trying to get out of paying his BM child support, which is ridiculous. This is not a good situation for HIM, let alone Retrostar.

[jaylady999]

Yep you are definitely right in your assessment.

[gemmani]

I really don't like hearing about fathers who don't want to do right by their seed. His "solution" is bananas.

[retrostar]

Aug 29, 2008 11:39:27 GMT -5 gemmani said:

Hi Retrostar.

Okay......this is a hard one.

Those are all of the things that I was concerned about... all of the things that you posted are all of the things that keep circling my thoughts.

I'm going to take him to the beach one of these nights and sit him down and talk with him about it. I've made a note pad of all the points I've heard/thought of.

We'll just have to wait and see how this turns out, I suppose.

Thank you to those who responded. I am one of those people who like to hear other opinions...

[gemmani]

Good luck, Retrostar. Do what's best for yourself.