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Post by memyslfni on Sept 2, 2008 17:44:49 GMT -5
Is it me or is marriage over-rated? It's like one minute, I'd like to be married someday...And the the next minute, I could care less if that day ever came....For instance, a co-worker of mine suspected that her husband was cheating or at least thinking about it...(in other words trying to be slick).....(To make the story short) So one day she decides that she's going to take a day or two away from him because he totally denies that anything is going on with this woman....So she leaves and the very next day he has this woman in their house, having sex in their bed...( is that crazy or what?). She gets all kinds of upset but decides to work it out (i.e marriage counceling). Sooo two weeks go by, she cant eat, cant sleep and feels the other woman is to blame...(wants to kick her a$$)....My thing is it really doesnt seem to matter married or not people are going to do what they want....And I think this type of situation would hurt me more if I were married than just being in a relationship....So why get married? Just something to talk about...  |
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Post by jaylady999 on Sept 2, 2008 18:05:03 GMT -5
i can only speak for myself and say that i LOVE being married. the problem is not marriage per se, its two people who get married for the wrong reasons or who havent taken enough time to get to know one another to decide if (a) they are ready for marriage, and/or (b) they are right for one another. my husband proposed to me after 4 years and we got married 3 months after our 5th year together. i wouldnt have had it any other way. my mother and aunts were getting a little an ancy after about year #2 asking when he was going to propose to me. at that point, we were no where near ready for marriage. i refused to even think about marriage with him until he got his BM situation straightened out. i mean its one thing to be a girlfriend going through the drama, but i wasnt going to be his wife dealing with a bunch of nonsense. so i think that sometimes people rush into marriage without realizing how serious of a commitment it is and therein lies the problem. but for myself, its one of the absolute best decisions i ever made, right up there with having my breast reduction. LOL  |
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 2, 2008 18:16:02 GMT -5
Memymyself...........I feel you on this one........I too believe marriage is over-rated. It is nothing but a legal relationship entitling you that person's finances if he or she dies or is disabled etc. Also you are accountable for that person's debts etc.
Jaylady has a really good point...........I believe engagements should be long so you can find out who a person really is and how they handle their affairs. BD for example and I were pretty happy year 1.............until I had to quit my job to focus on schoola and moved into my new house that's when the problems surfaced. But had I been drawn in by that happy year and married him........oh the drama that would've been mine.
I told you all about the classmate from high school I've been chatting and hanging out with recently. Talking to him today just made me realize even more I' am so not ready to deal with another person's issue's. I have my hands full with mine and my son's. While I enjoy the conversation and spending time sometime I do not feel like I want to be in a committed relationship anytime soon with anyone.
I want to finish out school strong and party hearty afterwards. Make up for the time I spent pregnant and depressed. And then I'm going to work on my BSN. Then after that I'll worry about getting married and whether I would like to have another child. For now with me.......that's what's up.
Now as I have said before..........ole boy has his sex game wayyyyyyyy up. So while he can do some things to to make just wanna jump outta my skin...............I have to let common sense rule. Imma take my time and just be friends with him......that's what I need to good time friend...........and I"m cool with that.
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Post by memyslfni on Sept 2, 2008 19:10:50 GMT -5
Jaylady I think I am at the point where I wouldnt go beyond the point of marrying until bf gets his bm situation straightened out...They actually dont give me myslf problems but I'm more saddened by what he goes through...and how he deals with things...I told him recently that if he felt that these issues were for him to deal with and none of mine to worry....NOT to mention them to me in the first place...What is a gf to do? When I dont care, its, I dont care enough and when I do, its, Dont worry about it...Which is what leads me back to, it wont get any further than it is until he straightens his mess out...See bf has been married before to one of his bm's (It was a to save face type of situation, so he says), which didnt last long enough to get to the honey moon...go figure....So with this, I dont think getting married is anywhere near the top of his list...(where I'd like it to be). Other than that I feel like were just here entertaining each other...like a pair of sweaty a$$ cheeks.... ;D.LOL..I've never been married but would like to one day be, for the right reason's of course...  |
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Post by jaylady999 on Sept 2, 2008 19:20:04 GMT -5
youknowwhat girl let me tell you, that i realize that i didnt really know my husband until we hit year number 3. all time spent before that was honeymoon stages still. you really dont get to know a person until yall go through stuff together and we came out on top. but had we got married in year 1 or 2, i cant tell you right now, we would not be married today. memyslfnii know exactly how you feel, i felt some of those same feelings when i was just the girlfriend and i was so to the point that i was like to hell with the whole thing. BM never bothered me, but she did a doozie on him and i hated to see him go through some of that. i didnt know if i should voice my opinion or just listen to him rant and keep my opinions to myself. i guess it just depends on the situation. i will tell you to follow you heart wherever it leads you. there were times when i just felt like as much as i loved my man, i just couldnt deal with much more of the BM garbage. i just couldnt do it. but it was like all of a sudden, he began to wake up and slowly realize the manipulation going on and things just started to turn around for us. but even to this very day, i dont get involved with their issues mainly becuz i dont like nonsense and refuse to be a part of it. he has no choice to a certain extent, but i do. i love his babies to death, but i dont have to deal with her mess in order to love them. 
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Post by gemmani on Sept 4, 2008 8:17:38 GMT -5
Ditto Jaylady, its not marriage itself, but the people in it.
If your co-worker's husband is a cheating dog, then that's what he was BEFORE she married him. She didn't look deep enough. But its not the MARRIAGE'S fault that they are going through drama, its the individuals. And then when things go wrong, it's automatically because of the instituation of marriage.
In a realtionship with someone with kids, common sense says to take things slowly. You have to adjust to their situation, as well as them having to adjust to having you around.
If you're just not ready, then you're just not ready. Getting your life together is a good thing to do before marriage.
Some people don't know HOW to be in a relationship, let alone get married. Some people think that because they've accomplished so much, they should be successful in a relationship and that isn't really true. People don't treat their SO's with kindness and respect, then get upset when their SO betrays them. They don't know how to listen. They don't know how to speak to one another. They don't know who they are before getting with another person. There are so many dysfunctional people having dysfunctional relationships. That just means stepping your relationship IQ up.
But standing before God and promising yourselves to each other is one of the most beautiful acts two people can perform. It's the ultimate promise. You can't let other people's situations influence how you live YOUR life. If you have your ish together and you took the time to look deep and you are compatible, there's no reason why your relationship shouldn't be awesome.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 4, 2008 21:32:56 GMT -5
For once I feel you gemmani.........awesome post.
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Post by gemmani on Sept 5, 2008 7:09:29 GMT -5
Why, thank you Youknow. I also understand your point of view. A lot of people feel its the mecca of life, the holy grail, once they get married. Little do they realize that things are just beginning, that it isn't all 'happily ever after' after the ceremony ends.
Disney did a lot of people a disservice. Fairy-tale romances and endings are just that- a fairy tale.
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