The "NEW DADDY"

[amillmack]

Youknow,

I'm a therapist in a psychiatric outpatient facility and you are so angry because of decisions your BD made years ago and his family did what families do, they stood by him even though they knew he was wrong. First and foremost, I have 2 SK's...BM #1 is cool, so cool that I knew she didn't have the money or the time to take her daughter school shopping, so I did it and she was grateful and there was no animosity. She works but she's got a lot of other responsibilities and my SO pays his support so it's not like she's hurting, but helping each other out is the Christian way. BM #2 is a banana cream pie for real, but you know what, I still do for her son because it's not about punishing her, it's about the child and he will see as he gets older that his mom is a banana cream pie and that my SO and I are there for him no matter what kind of craziness she pulls.

I don't hate on either of them for taking money from my home, I think they deserve more if you ask me. BD's have as much right to their children as BM's and it's sad when you use your child as a manipulation tool to get BD to do WHAT YOU WANT HIM TO DO!!!!

Just because your BD chose to live his life the way that he wanted to and not the way you thought he should, you harbor all this bitterness and it's eating at you constantly. When you talk about how worthless he is, just think, you chose him! You knew what you were getting into when you decided to have unprotected sex. Now, you want to blame him for not being a better parent - you have a role in that also. Accept it and shut up about what he did cause the way you are now is no better!

[youknowwhatitis]

It's much better..............just because God is working on you doesn't mean he's through working with you. Sometime as a BM you waiver back and forth...........I've had psychology. It's trying to figure out what you feel and which way you want to pursue a situation. It is perfectly normal............as everyone is different. As I wrestle with the situation God works on my heart where I am wrong............everybody works through situations.....so why give me a hard time for working through mine.

[gemmani]

Good point Youknow. I guess what it is is that we see that you have times where you understand what we are saying....and don't get me wrong, both sides have valid points. But then all of a sudden, it's like 5 steps back.

I guess it's an emotional situation for you. (obviously, duh) Its kind of like that post about what causes BMD. Everything is fine and manageable one day, then with the same situation the next day, something triggers the hurt and anger and that's when the lashing out happens.
Honestly, I used to be like that. I would read forums, trying to get a handle on the situation I was in. And I would read posts that got me so MAD, like there's no way in hell that I would let that stuff happen. As illogical as this sounds, I would secretly resent fiance for the stuff I was reading on the forums! It took me a minute to realize that 1. that stuff was the WORST possible scenario, and that just because things happened to the people who posted, doesn't mean that will happen in my situation and 2. use the forum to learn what NOT to do when trying to form a blended family.
So you probably take the comments here and apply it to your own situation (which is already problematic) and to YOU it's like how dare these b*tches say such things! Wouldn't be ME!!
I get that, Youknow. I really do. Its a hard situation to have two women and one man who's been intimate with both of them. It's a recipe for unlimited potential drama. (Or in your case, a BD who has his family think for him. Still involves multiple females and one man. )

The best bet for these kinds of situations is to focus on the reason for this situation to even occur in the first place- the kids.