Allowing BD access to child

[youknowwhatitis]

There has been a lot of speculation on the board that I should allow BD to come and get our son. My question is what should BM do when it comes to visitation with son? Should I allow BD to pick up our son who barely knows him and allow them to attempt to brainwash him against me, and attempt to instill their fuc*ked up way of thinking into him. Or should I be a mom and and say hey, you're welcome to visit him in our home or we can meet somewhere until child gets used to you and then you may take him for 8 hours once a week? Thought, comments, suggestions etc.

[ccorbett]

I worked for the YWCA doing court order visitation for noncustodial rents and their children. I feel you should ask BD to do it in the home until the child develops a relationship, its the most soothing for the child because if they get uncomfortable your right there, and that may hurt your BD but let him know after a few visits the child should begin to warm up. I saw it with a lot of my cases, and working slowly towards eight hours. Also, make sure he understands how long 8 hours are...and that it takes a lot to keep a child entertained, its eaiser said than done. One case in particular I had a father who NEVER met his child after birth and the child was three, it took three months of weekly visits for the child to remember who he was and to be comfortable with him. The child after three months was much eaiser to bring into visits and began enjoying acctually playing with dad, and dad took three months learning how to acctually play. hope it helps.

[gemmani]

I agree with Ccorbett. Start out gradually. Your BD has to respect the fact that his son does not know him, so I agree that the initial visitations should occur in your house. Leave them in the livingroom and go clean the kitchen. Keep an eye out, but give them a chance to get to know each other. Or start at the park. Go to the playground and read a book while they play.
This is a good thing, Youknow. A very good thing for your son.

Now, as for his family, don't even worry about them or what they might say. You just love your son as much as possible. Don't forget how strong the bond is between mother and child. Most children get very defensive of their mothers. I remember when I was younger, my dad's family didn't like my mom. They would talk about her like a dog to my sister and I. We never said anything, but inside we were SO ANGRY, like how dare they talk about my mother! Your son will be able to tell the difference, believe me.

Also, when you let BD come over, be as pleasant as possible, yet business-like. Don't let him know how angry you've been at him and his family. Don't give him or them anymore ammunition. It also shows him that you are beyond this situation, and that you are doing just fine.

[memyslfni]

Awww, such great feedback...Youknow whatever way you choose to do it, just remember to stay humble. Things will turn out better this way as opposed to being angry at these folks...And no matter what, keep in mind that its mostly for your son...And if u and bd can develop a respectable co-parenting relationship out of this, EVEN BETTER. Kuddos to youknow ;D Smile, god is doing his work on you....