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[mist]

Hi from Fance,

Im a 27 y.o woman with no kids dating a BD with 3 kids by 3 BM. Our relationship has been a roller coster. I come from a very conservative family and m problem is that none of my family members are accepting this relationship. They dont want to know anything about the man I love and that's keeping me from moving forward with him plus the bmd.

I dont want to deceive them and I dont want to mess up either. My mom and I used to have a beautiful relationship but since I've been going out with him we always argue, her perception of things are would you buy an used car with a lot of problems and pay for other people mistakes?

I adore my man but I dont want his baggage!

I only have problem with one of his bm, you know the kind that think she has all the rights because she has his baby?? Example: coming to Family party, calling his family members, she even threating him to bring him to court because we went on a vacation together and that he didnt use that $ on his son!!

My friends are saying that I have everything and why stay with him «U're not desperate».

Everything is crystal clear for you guys or you sometimes question yourself?

[Chalan]

Sorry you are in this position. Things are not always clear. I guess the important question here is do you see a future with this man. Does he stimulate you mentally and physically? Will he be supportive of your needs? It will not be easy having a relationship with this man. I can tell you from experience that if the BM is acting out now, it will only get worse. I’m sure everyone’s answers are different but if I had honestly known how crazy the BM was, I probably would not have gotten involved with him. But I will say this; the situation with BM can get better ONLY after the BD sets strict boundaries. (It wouldn’t hurt for him to know his legal rights too).

Good luck with your decision.

[mist]

Thanks Chalan for your answer! I got myself into a big problem and any decision i take will have a major impact in my life!!

[gemmani]

You can't help who you love. Your family needs to understand that and be supportive. That being said, do you think they are seeing something about him that you don't see? People outside the relationship are somethimes more objective about the situation than you would be.
If it's only about your BF having baggage, then that's a redundant statement, because EVERYONE has some type of baggage. It can be emotional baggage, childhood baggage, something that the person brings with them into relationships that have an effect. You can find someone with no BMD, but they might have issues with their mother that affects you. Or they can be a serial cheater, or playboy, or someone with no intentions for the future. It depend on YOU and what YOU can handle.

If you feel your BF is worth it, then stay and deal with it. But he has to set some boundaries with the BMs, that has the potential for MAJOR BMD. If he loves you, respects you, cares about your feelings, is willing to set boundaries, and is willing to put in the effort, then all is well. If not......then maybe your family and friends have a point.

[gemmani]

Also, decide if you can handle his 3 kids, who are being raised by 3 different people. They aren't going any where, so if you don't want his baggage, this might not be the relationship for you. I have 3 skids (only one BM, thank goodness) and let me tell you, sometimes I want to crawl under a rock just to stop hearing my name being called 28 times in a half hour time span. Watch how your BF interacts with them, and if he has good parenting skills. If he is the type who over-indulges the kids out of guilt and puts their WANTS absolutely first, RUN.

[guest]

I totally understand u!! It's not easy... I had a similar problem with my mom and she didnt like my actual bf because He had kids. She didnt take the time to know him, but she struggled so much with me (single mom) that she didnt want me to take that path which i understand. But i cant control or demand love as i wish.
And this guy treats me like a QUEEN! But he has kids and bmd

Let me tell you something, I went out with a powerfull businessman, he had charisma, confident...My mom was inLOVE with him. So we went out for 5 years to find out that he was a cheater. Nokids right, but I could have any time of illness and bring it to me!!

My last was one, had no kidsbut Mary Jane was his best friend.

So what im saying is u cannot find someone sterile, like with no baggage. If he's worth it, nevermind your entourage, go for it.

I know a little french: BONNE CHANCE:)

[bmdramaof2]

WOW...Sorry to hear your going through that but at least your recongizing this now and not later. How long have you been with your BF. 3 BM is alot to deal with because it's three times the issues. I deal with two and at times I'm like what was I thinking. It's alot of work. My husband and I are successful and we have a routine and extrememly organized that there is a time for everything. And I still stress out at times and want to scream and throw a fit. Having man with BMD is alot having more then one is worse. But if this is something you really want to get into you have to except you will never be 100% happy because you will always have other women thinking there better and should get more then you. Trust it's coming from experiance. One mom we can't tell anything too where we go or what we bought our kids in our house. It was sad Sunday we went out to dinner and my SD called and before my DH answered he told our daughter don't say we just came back from dinner. Because she'll tell her mom and her mom would be pissed and not understand why we were able to go to dinner we don't do enough. So this is the kind of stuff you will need to get use to. Figure it out now before you get too deep or even end up as a BM.

Good Luck!

[mist]

Thank you all so much for your input. Its a difficult decision. I've been going out with him for 3 years and Im realizing things now i guess b/c the honeymoon phase is over.


Thank you all again

[lovejones08]

I agree with everyone! You are grown and the worse thing to do is allow even our parents to dictate our relationships. Yes, they may have our best interest at heart; however, you will have to live with your final decisions not them may it be the right decision or the wrong decision. I have not heard you complain about him in your post and it has been said, eveyone has baggage so if it were not bmd it would be something else.

This whole bmd situation is so tough to deal with because not only do you have to deal with the fact that the man you love has been with other women in an intimate manner, made babies with the woman (women), and then there is drama. It is not the most comfortable situation to be.

You must grasp that you do have the ultimate choice and if you decide to stay you are saying that you are willing to tough it out and stand by his side during the times that involve great effort and the times when everthing is great. Is he really worth it??? (ask yourself)....you have stuck it out for three 3years.....that is a good amount of time to be dealing with bmd; however, there may be a time when you realize that you don't want that type of lifestyle. It must be your choice not your parents or family members. Your happiness comes first. If this man makes you happy then everyone else and their opinions can KICROXS!!! LOL!! Leaving when he needs your support the most (even though me may not say it or show it) is exactly what BM wants you to do. If he is not worth it and he doesn't not try to take control of his situation and plays the games with bm(s) then he needs to KICROXS too!!!

What does your bf say about your feelings?