Post by hope4freedom on Sept 15, 2008 13:52:11 GMT -5
Well, I've spent the past several days reading and soaking in here. I thought I was absolutely CRAZY until I came to this site to see so many other's dealing with it. I've been in two relationships with men that had 2 children. I have never been married and I have no children. However, I do have a little brother that was born when I was 18 that I started taking care of at 2 weeks old.
With that said, my current Fiancee' (we have been together 2 years and known each other for 10) has the BM from hell. I do believe somewhere she has horns and a "push this button now" book. Luckily she is not a vicious, tire slashing, physically violent person BUT - she is psychologically not right. She has a way of twisting, instilling fear and doubt and questioning like nobody I have ever seen. I have NEVER questioned myself and I have only went head to head with this woman once because I feel it is not my job - it's his but, she really pissed me off.
She is all talk and couldn't back it up to your face to save her life. Mind you: She is 36 - now pregnant again with 4th child and on 3rd baby daddy. She was married to daddy #1, not married to daddy #2 (my fiancee') that she had 2 children with, and less than a year after Daddy #2 left - she was pregnant with Daddy #3's child BEFORE they got married - lost it, got the guy to marry her and is now pregnant again and looks like she will have this one. So you get the drill with this chick. Lay down, spread em, and get the dude to marry you.
On top of all this - there WAS NO BOUNDARIES. She just got whatever she could out of my fiancee' whenever. He has always paid his child support on time without fail, sometimes early when she needed it but, GOD FORBID he be a day late.........she's crawling his ass. She called him a minimum of TWICE EVERYDAY. Finally, I told him to choose between her and I - because he can't have both. Not his children, just between her and I. I'm not second. And I'm not going to be second to her just because she gave birth to your children. SHE takes the back burner. SHE has a husband now, GET ON WITH LIFE.
Well, so, my fiancee sent her a certified letter spelling out boundaries and knocked her down to email and only emergencies by phone. What does she do? Sends repeated nasty emails about what a bad father he is, and how he don't love his kids, and how he ditches them for me, and yadda yadda. Oh, she started with it all being about money......he's already overpaying child support according to guidelines, what the hell more does she want? Once he started making the checks out to the school for extras instead of her - that just pissed in her wheaties so then came the "bad father" insults.
It is as if she thinks that just because they had children, she should always be a part of his life. It was like she had a boyfriend and a husband. Like she got to have her cake and eat it too. It's strange. I'm betting her husband NEVER knew how much she talked to my fiancee. She's a rotten, lying, trifling, scoundrel that I have no respect for.
Just wanted to get that off my chest.
We are in the process of filling out the paperwork to go to court to take some of the control out of our hands. Instead of getting all in a tissy like my Fiancee and I used to - we just ignore her. And, sometimes, it is hard but, we lean on each other to stay strong. And so far it seems to be working although, we never let our guard down - everytime we do she pulls another rabbit out of the hat. I think she still wants my guy. Not sure why. Or she's pissed that he is now the man she wanted him to be. The bottom line was she went about it wrong: She was married to my Fiancee's best friend. When best friend left she flirted and played sympathy on my Fiancee'. She got him in the sack, and looked up at him with tear stricken eyes and said, "Don't you want a baby". When she knew that he and his recent ex wife had been trying for a child and had lost one.
You guessed it -she took the condom off and viola! His son was born less than a year later.
Anyway, I've seen it put here that the BM will only stop when she wants to and I do believe that is right but, there are a few things to help:
#1 - Have him draw the boundaries, not you.
#2 - Get it legalized and in writing. Boundaries must be set even by court of law.
#3 - Make it know that you're not going anywhere.
#4 - Ignore her as much as possible. It' pisses her off.
Look forward to chatting with you all.
With that said, my current Fiancee' (we have been together 2 years and known each other for 10) has the BM from hell. I do believe somewhere she has horns and a "push this button now" book. Luckily she is not a vicious, tire slashing, physically violent person BUT - she is psychologically not right. She has a way of twisting, instilling fear and doubt and questioning like nobody I have ever seen. I have NEVER questioned myself and I have only went head to head with this woman once because I feel it is not my job - it's his but, she really pissed me off.
She is all talk and couldn't back it up to your face to save her life. Mind you: She is 36 - now pregnant again with 4th child and on 3rd baby daddy. She was married to daddy #1, not married to daddy #2 (my fiancee') that she had 2 children with, and less than a year after Daddy #2 left - she was pregnant with Daddy #3's child BEFORE they got married - lost it, got the guy to marry her and is now pregnant again and looks like she will have this one. So you get the drill with this chick. Lay down, spread em, and get the dude to marry you.
On top of all this - there WAS NO BOUNDARIES. She just got whatever she could out of my fiancee' whenever. He has always paid his child support on time without fail, sometimes early when she needed it but, GOD FORBID he be a day late.........she's crawling his ass. She called him a minimum of TWICE EVERYDAY. Finally, I told him to choose between her and I - because he can't have both. Not his children, just between her and I. I'm not second. And I'm not going to be second to her just because she gave birth to your children. SHE takes the back burner. SHE has a husband now, GET ON WITH LIFE.
Well, so, my fiancee sent her a certified letter spelling out boundaries and knocked her down to email and only emergencies by phone. What does she do? Sends repeated nasty emails about what a bad father he is, and how he don't love his kids, and how he ditches them for me, and yadda yadda. Oh, she started with it all being about money......he's already overpaying child support according to guidelines, what the hell more does she want? Once he started making the checks out to the school for extras instead of her - that just pissed in her wheaties so then came the "bad father" insults.
It is as if she thinks that just because they had children, she should always be a part of his life. It was like she had a boyfriend and a husband. Like she got to have her cake and eat it too. It's strange. I'm betting her husband NEVER knew how much she talked to my fiancee. She's a rotten, lying, trifling, scoundrel that I have no respect for.
Just wanted to get that off my chest.
We are in the process of filling out the paperwork to go to court to take some of the control out of our hands. Instead of getting all in a tissy like my Fiancee and I used to - we just ignore her. And, sometimes, it is hard but, we lean on each other to stay strong. And so far it seems to be working although, we never let our guard down - everytime we do she pulls another rabbit out of the hat. I think she still wants my guy. Not sure why. Or she's pissed that he is now the man she wanted him to be. The bottom line was she went about it wrong: She was married to my Fiancee's best friend. When best friend left she flirted and played sympathy on my Fiancee'. She got him in the sack, and looked up at him with tear stricken eyes and said, "Don't you want a baby". When she knew that he and his recent ex wife had been trying for a child and had lost one.
You guessed it -she took the condom off and viola! His son was born less than a year later.
Anyway, I've seen it put here that the BM will only stop when she wants to and I do believe that is right but, there are a few things to help:
#1 - Have him draw the boundaries, not you.
#2 - Get it legalized and in writing. Boundaries must be set even by court of law.
#3 - Make it know that you're not going anywhere.
#4 - Ignore her as much as possible. It' pisses her off.
Look forward to chatting with you all.
