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Post by gemmani on Sept 23, 2008 10:29:48 GMT -5
I just don't get the contradictions. On one hand, BM doesn't want HER kids around their dad, he's a deadbeat, he's no good, etc. THEN the very next day its "the kids miss you", or "I need help with xyz" or "Please come home".
If BM doesn't want to deal with BD, then she should do what she has to do and leave him alone. If BM doesn't want to deal with us, then why cause unnecessary drama? Why call or text when there is no need for it? Why FORCE us to acknowledge you if you don't like us anyway?
BM will complain that DH doesn't get involved and takes no interest in the kids. Okaaayyyyyyy........but when he was asking her about school information, or activities, or medical info, she yelled and screamed that he should mind his business then hung up the phone. Then called back screaming some more when he got the information himself.
IDK, maybe seeing her BD is too painful for BM and that's why she doesn't want him around, yet wants him around. It's confusing and annoying. Not mention, hard on the kids.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 23, 2008 12:42:58 GMT -5
:)Is she a single parent..........how many kids does she have? She sounds like she is just stressed out and needs help. But she doesn't she's being undry and just hurting herself. She should let you all get the kids for a while so she can have sometime to her self to work through some things. Issues can pile up on you when you have a kid because the kids need so much you don't have time to work on yourself. But she's too mad and doesn't want to give in...........she doesn't see this can be good for her.
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Post by jaylady999 on Sept 23, 2008 12:47:48 GMT -5
i can all but guarantee that she wont let them have the kids. its yet another sense of entitlement that the BM feels that they are HER kids. giving them to the father(especially since there is another woman in the picture) is almost like admitting failure as a mother. she (as most BM's) have too much pride to admit they need help or need a break. my BD gets my son every single summer for the very fact that i know i need a break and i dont care who he is dating or with at that time, he is the father and just as capable as i am of raising our son. point blank period. but a lot of BM's dont feel that way. another thing is that as long as the father has custody, the mothers realize they no longer have their leverage(sad game, but true)
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Sept 23, 2008 12:59:46 GMT -5
I don't mean give him the kids for custody but for visits every weekend or couple days out the week or something.
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Post by jaylady999 on Sept 23, 2008 13:00:42 GMT -5
if i am not mistaken, and gemani can verify this, but they already get that(weekend visits, etc)
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Post by gemmani on Sept 23, 2008 15:36:45 GMT -5
Well, we get the kids mostly every weekend (exceptions being family events on BM side, DH having to work, prior plans that aren't kid-friendly.) No problems there, BM apparently loves to let others watch the kids. That's why I'm honestly confused! DH takes them often. But to BM he's just a paycheck and a glorified babysitter. When you have a man that is willing and able to help shoulder the enormous responsibility of child rearing, why give that man a hard time?  She used to LOVE disappearing when it came time to drop off the kids, but then would call and tell him to keep them away from me. Hello? ? If you don't want them spending extra time with me, then be home when we drop them off! She stopped that real fast when DH would not pay her child support for the time he had them. DH would LOVE to have more of a say in their lives. Right now, the only info he gets is what he himself looks up. Otherwise, she tells him to mind his own business............and in the same breath say that he's a deadbeat. My head hurts from thinking about it. |
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Post by jaylady999 on Sept 23, 2008 15:42:59 GMT -5
i think of it more like a cat and mouse game on the part of the BM. the reason she is not available when its time to drop off the kids is becuz she thinks it is an inconvenience to you guys to have them longer than planned. it gives her control, or so she thinks. its all a game to these BM's. as a BM, if for some reason i know i wont be home when BD(or his girlfriend) is dropping my son back off, i make it my business to call either his celly or hers to tell them to drop him off at my moms house(they both know where my mother lives). its becuz i dont have time for drama. BM's tend to have a lot of time on their hands, a lot of time to think of ways to make life just that much more harder for BD.
i stopped trying to figure out why my DH BM does some of the most backward things, it use to make my head hurt. now we just roll with the punches and expect the unexpected from her and laugh when she follows through with that unexpected. LOL ;D
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