BM's Bill of Rights

[youknowwhatitis]

BM's Bill Of Rights

For BM's who actually desire to have peace
To: BD's Everywhere

1.) As a BM I demand the right to be respected by you and all those involved with you.

2.)As a BM I demand the right to financial support for our child or children on time every month.

3.) As a BM I demand the right to handle affairs regarding the child with out excessive questioning and input from gf's/wifes/family members. None of them created this child only you and I. And ultimately WE are responsible for the child.

4.) As a BM I demand the right to move on with my life with a new man, to a new state without any drama from you or those involved with you. Just because we have a child together doesn't mean you can dictate the terms of my existence.

5.) As a BM I demand the right to let your significant other know that the child belongs to me and you ONLY and that their input/two cents is unnecessary and irrelevant to our platonic relationship concerning our child. And further more my financial needs and our CS amendments etc. are NONE of her business. While I understand it does effect her ultimately their is nothing I can do about it.

6.) As as BM I demand the right to be respected at events concerning our child while your SO is welcome to attend any and all events she must understand that my family members and friends are not going to make her feel comfortable and if she disrespects me.......it's like that for her.

7.) As a BM I demand the right not to have my phone calls intercepted or listened in on by some insecure gf/wife who is afraid I may take you from her or that you still want me. I demand the right to call your cell and or house phone as needed in regards to the child or child related concerns.

8.) As as BM I demand the right for my child to returned when it is stated that he or she will be returned. No all of a sudden I'm going to keep him or her all night or I'll bring him or her when I feel like it. I demand the right to be respected as the child's custodial and primary decision making parent.

9.) As a BM I demand the right to be notified when my child whom is in your care is sick, hospitalized or at a family member I don't know's house etc.

10.) As a BM I demand the right to limit my childs involvement when in my care with whomever I please. Who he or she see's on your time has nothing to do with me.

[canice]

you are sad and as a wife and a BM you give us all a bad name

[canice]

i mean you have some valed pionts but they are just common sence. But really a bill of rights. You say you don't want the wife involved but seems like you can't move on from the BD and let him mhave his life

[youknowwhatitis]

You are obviously still upset because I told you the truth on the previous post. Don't worry I'm used to it...........everyone can't handle the truth. Actually this a response to SM's bill of right's posted a while ago.....you weren't on the site yet.

[jaylady999]

this is coming from my wifely and my BM side


1.) As a BM I demand the right to be respected by you and all those involved with you.

as a wife, just remember that respect goes two ways

2.)As a BM I demand the right to financial support for our child or children on time every month.

and as a wife, you d**n right you do, no one argues that

3.) As a BM I demand the right to handle affairs regarding the child with out excessive questioning and input from gf's/wifes/family members. None of them created this child only you and I. And ultimately WE are responsible for the child.

how holy is the truth? you are right to a certain extent. what you dont realize though is that it is impossible for lives not to merge after so long of the BD and the wife have been together. there is no way around it. its like you want to co-parent with the BD, but what you dont get(and you probably wont since your BD is not physically in your child's life) is that those weekend and summer visits do not exclude the wife. so you cannot pretend we dont exist. WE DO. and chances are, we are feeding and taking care of YOUR child while they are in OUR presence. sorry sista, but you cant "wish" me away. as his wife and your kids STEPMOTHER, i am here and i aint go nowhere just like you as a BM aint either

4.) As a BM I demand the right to move on with my life with a new man, to a new state without any drama from you or those involved with you. Just because we have a child together doesn't mean you can dictate the terms of my existence.

um...yeah. more times than not, the BD wants you to move on so he can have some peace in his life. my DH and I get the most drama from his BM when she does NOT have a man, so trust, WE are elated when you have a man! LOL

5.) As a BM I demand the right to let your significant other know that the child belongs to me and you ONLY and that their input/two cents is unnecessary and irrelevant to our platonic relationship concerning our child. And further more my financial needs and our CS amendments etc. are NONE of her business. While I understand it does effect her ultimately their is nothing I can do about it.

as a wife, you dont have the right to let me know that your child came out of your azz. you just need to realize, if it aint about the child, it aint about nothin. remember, the child? thats what its all about

6.) As as BM I demand the right to be respected at events concerning our child while your SO is welcome to attend any and all events she must understand that my family members and friends are not going to make her feel comfortable and if she disrespects me.......it's like that for her.

as a wife, you need to know that i care not whether your family and friends make me feel comfortable. i dont need anyone to make me feel anything. i am the controller of my own feelings. but if it has something to do with MY stepchildren, i am coming whether you and your folks like it or not.

7.) As a BM I demand the right not to have my phone calls intercepted or listened in on by some insecure gf/wife who is afraid I may take you from her or that you still want me. I demand the right to call your cell and or house phone as needed in regards to the child or child related concerns.

as a wife, i must tell you that you are the LAST person i want to talk to, so um....intercepting calls, NAH. dont think so. and you can demand to call my house all you want, it will NEVER HAPPEN. you got his celly, thats the number you need to call. you are his BM, not mine, i dont need to talk to you. in fact, i dont even want to talk to you

8.) As as BM I demand the right for my child to returned when it is stated that he or she will be returned. No all of a sudden I'm going to keep him or her all night or I'll bring him or her when I feel like it. I demand the right to be respected as the child's custodial and primary decision making parent.

again respect goes two ways. you cant demand it if you dont give it. i dont care who you are.

9.) As a BM I demand the right to be notified when my child whom is in your care is sick, hospitalized or at a family member I don't know's house etc.

sick, yep you'll know, hospitalized, of course you'll konw. with a family member of mine who you may not know, FORGET IT. your BD is a parent too and he doesnt have to run by you every move he makes with the child you have together. if the child is in BD's care, trust the child will be fine.

10.) As a BM I demand the right to limit my childs involvement when in my care with whomever I please. Who he or she see's on your time has nothing to do with me

this is a direct contradiction to what you just wrote under #9, so i wont even address it. LOL

[memyslfni]

Just when I thought I was gonna have to add my .02...Thanks for clarifying # 9 & 10 Jay

Youknow, U really need to think about what u say before u say it.. ...And to think I actually thought you were starting to mature...tisk..tisk..tisk

Nevertheless, I'm still here if U need some grown folks advice.. ;)By the way Keia did I mention u remind me of the lil hard head sista I never had..

[gemmani]

Jeeze, is this really necessary? Most of the points on your list are two-way deals. No, we don't have to acknowledge BM, we don't worry about what she does or doesn't want. You can't act like a c*nt and then expect everyone to bow down to you. This is the REAL WORLD, sweetie.
As a wife, I d**ned sure do have a say in things. My DH wants my opinion heard and considered. That's something BM has had to deal with and get over.
When the kids are with US, then WE do what we want to do. We take them we want to take them. WE DO THEIR HAIR (lol). We feed them the food we want to give them. They have bedtimes that WE think is best. Too bad for BM, my DH values my opinion above all else, including hers.
This was pointless.

[gemmani]

And I am not directing that at you, Youknow. But in my situation, I'm dealing with a woman scorned. We all know that saying. So for us, the best method was to seperate everything and to not be concerned about what the other parent is doing on their own time (unless it was endangering the kids) We EXPECT her to act up at events. We EXPECT her to do whatever it is that she wants to do. It actually helps us a lot. It prepares us, lol.

[hope4freedom]

gemmani - I think you said it all.

It's a two way street. And my fiancee' values my opinion and thoughts when it comes to HIS children.

Nothing is any longer exclusive to the BD and BM, Just because you squeezed out a child does not mean that you "own" part of him.


This post just looked like demands and ownership to me.

[jaylady999]

Thats exactly how most BM's think. They had BD's child, they own both the child and him. If you listen to them when they talk, they always talk about my my my child, never OUR child. (our meaning belonging to BM and BD). Most BM's think they have all these rights over the BD, and when someone else steps in(usually the girlfriend/wife) and puts a stop to it, thus BMD begins

[gemmani]

"Nothing is any longer exclusive to the BD and BM."

Excellent point, Hope4freedom. Once the parents have seperated and are no longer together, the amount of control each parent has is greatly diminished. SM knows (in many cases, not all or most) the dynamic of the situation when she gets together with BD. They create a situation that accounts for the new family structure. BM now has to adjust to the fact that there is another person involved. It will not be that BM continues to do what she wants and BD and SM have to work around it. BOTH parties have to adjust to changes. No high horse for BM.

[jaylady999]

So very true Imana. I am soooooo thankfuly that BM in my situation finally got the memo that this aint about her. I think I can safely say the drama is so very minimal as of the last couple of years. In fact our last issue was when she found out we got married. Then she got over it, as if she had a choice becuz she saw that life was going on regardless.

[youknowwhatitis]

Why are we debating ownership in this forum............it seems to me that you feel because YOU are currently dating the man YOU have OWNERSHIP over him and his kids...........I don't think so. Those kids are not your's and they are not YOUR blood. They are exclusively BM's and DH's. While valid advice is appreciated you don't run the show concerning those kids and it sounds like you hate the fact that BM does. But what's crazy.........is who would in their right mind hate the fact that a mother runs the show with her own kids.........now that's crazy. That's what mom's are supposed to do.........protect, love and cherish. Remember your place you are step mom

Chain of Command with the kids

1.) BM
2.) SM

***Sorry but you are below the BM on this one. If it's really about the kids then it shouldn't be a competition anyway.

[youknowwhatitis]

Real talk..........I'll be beneath you concerning BD.........but I won't be beneath you concerning MY KIDS. Never happen.......no way no how.

[jaylady999]

You will NEVER EVER ever be beneath the wife when it comes to the kids. but what when it comes to BD, you dont fall beneath the new wife/girlfriend. you really just dont fall at all. you have no place in his life. you have kids with him, but thats about it. You have no say so in his personal life, you have no opinion about his life, or if you do, it doesnt matter. The same goes for him as your BD. All you have in common are the kids.