BM's Bill of Rights

[youknowwhatitis]

That's where I believe you are wrong jaylady.........you're right I don't have place in his life..............unless it is regarding my under age 18 kids therefore I have a place and say regarding my kids when they are in his life.....other than that I don't give a d**n what him, his wife/gf or whatever says or does. The problem is some weak women can't handle that.

[jaylady999]

sorry sista, you absolutely have no say in what goes on with the children while they are in his care UNLESS HE IS BRINGING HARM TO THE KIDS. otherwise, you get the kids back in the same way shape and form you left them in, and call it a day

[hope4freedom]

Whoa youknow! I'm not THREATENING YOU - Why such animosity? Did you ever think of giving and taking? My god, all you want to do is demand, demand, demand. Demanding seems to me like fear of losing control. And control = ownership in most drama - totin' BM's worlds. Not a direct reflection on you but let me just put this in perspective from the SM point of view:

"real talk" as you say:

BM's Bill Of Rights

For BM's who actually desire to have peace ( I do not call "demanding" peace keeping)
To: BD's Everywhere

1.) As a BM I demand the right to be respected by you and all those involved with you.
You don't earn my respect, you don't get it. You act like a fool - you get ignored.

2.)As a BM I demand the right to financial support for our child or children on time every month.
And if BD is one day late when he's given it over a dozen times early - cause you needed it - cut him a little slack.

3.) As a BM I demand the right to handle affairs regarding the child with out excessive questioning and input from gf's/wifes/family members. None of them created this child only you and I. And ultimately WE are responsible for the child.
HE is responsible and YOU are responsible. The only time there was a WE was when your child was created.

4.) As a BM I demand the right to move on with my life with a new man, to a new state without any drama from you or those involved with you. Just because we have a child together doesn't mean you can dictate the terms of my existence.
Please do, you're much easier to deal with when you've got a man.

5.) As a BM I demand the right to let your significant other know that the child belongs to me and you ONLY and that their input/two cents is unnecessary and irrelevant to our platonic relationship concerning our child. And further more my financial needs and our CS amendments etc. are NONE of her business. While I understand it does effect her ultimately their is nothing I can do about it.
Because my fiance' and I run a household and share income yes, it is my business. Because we hide nothing from each other and he does not see your "platonic" relationship as exclusive , yes, my two cents do matter. They may not matter to you but, they matter to him. Hmmm....sounds like a personal problem.

6.) As as BM I demand the right to be respected at events concerning our child while your SO is welcome to attend any and all events she must understand that my family members and friends are not going to make her feel comfortable and if she disrespects me.......it's like that for her.
We don't sit with your family members so why do we care. I don't live to please you. Your children are not my children, I have compassion for them but they are simply, my fiance's children. I am above disrespecting you.

7.) As a BM I demand the right not to have my phone calls intercepted or listened in on by some insecure gf/wife who is afraid I may take you from her or that you still want me. I demand the right to call your cell and or house phone as needed in regards to the child or child related concerns.
You can call all you want. The minute you disrespect my fiance' or myself, we will both tell you in writing the boundaries that we will bestow in order for everyone to get along in a civilized manner. Keep your cool - we have no problem. But you will not invade OUR home. And who says we are insecure.......? In regards to child and child related concerns - who would ever have a problem with that - again - why are you DEMANDING! It's forceful.

8.) As as BM I demand the right for my child to returned when it is stated that he or she will be returned. No all of a sudden I'm going to keep him or her all night or I'll bring him or her when I feel like it. I demand the right to be respected as the child's custodial and primary decision making parent.
If you want to be the "custodial primary decision making parent" take him to court and work it out. Until then we will pick up and drop off at specific times. That's just called simple boundaries. No need to "demand".

9.) As a BM I demand the right to be notified when my child whom is in your care is sick, hospitalized or at a family member I don't know's house etc.
Sick, hospitalized - no problem. At a family members house....I'm so sorry but, what BD does with HIS CHILD ON HIS TIME as long as it does not cause harm to the child or distress is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. It's HIS TIME with his child.


10.) As a BM I demand the right to limit my childs involvement when in my care with whomever I please. Who he or she see's on your time has nothing to do with me.
So 9 and 10 don't match - hmmmm? Questions your integrity here - doesn't it?

[youknowwhatitis]

When it all boils down...............there is animosity on both ends of the fence here. You cannot separate a mother from her children on ANY occasion period........not with daddy, grandma, aunt, uncle, SM nobody. My kids will always be MY kids and I will always until 18 run the show. Now common sense tell you you can't run someone else's house but I have a say in what goes on with my kids when they are somewhere else. And nobody can tell me I don't.

[jaylady999]

Now common sense tell you you can't run someone else's house but I have a say in what goes on with my kids when they are somewhere else. And nobody can tell me I don't.

When it comes to their father, YOU DONT. when my stepkids are with me and DH, their mother knows she dont have say so as to what we do with them, where we take them, what they eat, what time they go to bed, how long they play the video games, NOTHING. you have NO say so. PERIOD. NONE. ZERO. NADA. ZILCH. i am sure she would have issue with the fact that this past weekend HER children were with ME at MY MOTHER'S house riding bikes, playing up and down the block, but really, what can she do? They were with ME. She had no control over the fact that my stepfather bbq'd some ribs and they ate it. She had no control over the fact that I took them to walmart with me when we left my moms house. There is nothing she can do about it. I am not harming them, they were right there with my own bio son. I am just glad she finally realizes that it is out of her control and has moved on with the program as she was only frustrating herself.

[gemmani]

Having control is natural for BM.......at HER OWN HOME. At our home, BM gets no say. It doesn't matter what BM wants us to do with them (or not to do). DH is just as much their parent as BM is. BM tries to tell us what to do, but we completely ignore her. At the same time, she won't keep the kids away, either. She values her free time to much for that. So BASICALLY, she has to SUCK IT UP. End of story.

I don't want to be a mother her kids. I'm not their mother. If I want that, I'll have my own kids, very simple. But I DO love my stepkids, and I must be doing SOMETHING right since they asked if they could call me mom. So that's all I care about. Everyone in MY home is happy and cared for. It may not be how she likes it, but they get cared for. BM doesn't like it, she can take a long walk off a short pier.

[jaylady999]

I don't want to be a mother her kids. I'm not their mother. If I want that, I'll have my own kids, very simple

i say this all the time. i am not barren, i can have more kids. we've chosen not to have any kids for our own personal reasons(basically kidss are too expensive and we like to travel too much. LOL). but dammit, if i ever get the urge to mother more than just my bio son, i will have more. likeyou said gemani, i love my stepkids something awful, but I AM NOT THEIR MOTHER, nor am i trying to be. i will nurture them to the best of my ability while they are in my care, and as a BM, i am thankful that my BD's girlfriend does the same for my son when he is in his father's care. THE END

[canice]

The control and over bearing BM has stops when the child changes hands. Unless you have evidence that the child may be in harm. Leave it be. Let that child hang out with the daddy..... girl live up that few little moments of freedom and go get a pedicure and your nails did. You let the child go to school do you give the teachers that much of a headache on what they do with the child in their care. 2 people made that baby and it is the BD right to have that child with whom ever they want. Yes there should be common courtesy between both the BM and BD. But a good man would not let anything happen to their child. Cut that umblical cord and chill the hell out.

[jaylady999]

you can say that again. i am so happy to drop off my son with his BD. i tell both of them not to call me unless something is wrong. i enjoy MY time and surely dont spend it worrying about what my child is doing with his own father and whoever else. and i will admit, as in one of the discussions that i started, i used to get a little miffed as to the company he kept around my son. not that i was upset that he had females around our son, but morso the number of females being exposed. and even then, i put it out of my head and still kept doin me while i had time to do it

[gemmani]

Preaching to the choir right now, ladies! Just like we don't call and harass her about what's going on, we deserve the same respect. DH knows how to take care of his children. More than that, he LOVES taking care of his children. They are in the hands on their loving, responsible PARENT. Unless we are talking about immaculate conception, there is no ONE PARENT.
Jeeze, it's all so pointless! if BM REALLY believed the kids were in danger, then WHY SEND THEM OVER EVERY WEEKEND??
I don't think they have a problem with sending the kids off, it's just a problem where BM is threatened by another woman handling her child/ children. Thems the breaks when two parents are no longer together. If that's the case, then BM should have thought about that before treating DH as she did.

[im2grown4this]

I agree that the respect has to go both ways. You also have to ask yourself,"Am I treating YOU the way I would want to be treated?" Yeah, that means you have to give respect to get it. When BM's are bitter and disrespectful how can they possibly expect to be treated with respect? When BM's use the children as pawns against BD and new wife, How do they look? When you are the child's parent you should be looking out for the best interest of the child NOT YOURSELF or how YOU feel. When you feel that your children are items that you OWN, there's something wrong there. It's not the same as fighting over who's furniture it is, your children have feeling too. You have to let your children develop their own opinions; they will have to make their own decisions one day. It is what it is, if it's good your child will know. If it's not your child will see that too. But don't paint the picture for them, let them see for themselves. We learn best from experience. When BD moves on BM has to realize that it has to be about the children now. It's not about ME or YOU it's about what is best for OUR children. SM is a factor in what's best for children as well, SM may have kids too. SM wants the best for all children at stake, BM should want the same.