a better me

[babysteps]

hey, BMD world I'm new to this site and may need a little help catching on to the lingo, but here's my story 1 year ago i was seeing this guy for 2 yrs previously before i got pregnant keep in mind i have two children 11 and 9 and now 1 and i fell for the oke doke and we have been split up pretty much every since the baby was born. when the baby was 8 days old he went on a cruise with his i thought ex-girlfriend and then 1 month later another woman came to our house and put a note on his truck saying how upset she was because she left her man to be with him and how he said they were going to be together, and guess what i still wanted that man more so because i didn't want to have do this by myself again, he left when the baby was 1 1/2 months old and said he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore but he's in one now. which brings me here, I'm not gonna make myself out to be perfect cause I'm not but I'm just so hurt still a year later because he begged me for our daughter (oh this is his first child) and he made her a statistic for no reason at first i was calling him and calling him crying wanting hi, to come back but he never did needless to say the woman he's with is the one who put the not e on his car, where i need the help is trying not to be the typical bmd which what i have done but he's been wrong to I'm saying this because he hadn't seen the the bay in 2 21/2 months and she'll be 1 next month all Because ause of his stubborn reasons and no he's not on child support but we met up and he got her and yes late that night i rode through his house to see if his girlfriend was there and she was i waited till the morning because he lives with his grandma so i didn't start anything i just went home and cried my eyes out because how can he take the baby we made and playhouse with someone else i can't get it off my mind that another woman is spending time with him and my baby i called him in the morning and expressed myself at first he tried to lie and say she wasn't their but all i wanted him to do was give her some him and her time and not him her and her, i want him to bond with his baby first and then he tells people he don't know if he 's even gonna be with this woman , well it turned into a big thing and i winded up getting my baby back but then i realized it was in the Best interest to take her back and that's what i did, well when i took her back the girl was gone. then he brought her home and realized she didn't have any milk so i asked him to buy her some milk he said he didn't have any money on him and "I'm pretty sure you'll get her some the best way u can mind you he hasn't given me anything in 2 1/2 months and the only reason he says that about child support is because i did file but i canceled it i guess he didn't get the memo and i canceled it because i was doing it out of anger and spite it was never about the money i wanted him, if i could right the wrongs I've done i would it's like a domino effect and everyone loses I'm trying to get it right but it's hard i feel so d**n angry i know I'll be a better me when i get over him but how do you it hurts my soul i was good to him and I'm still in love with him and he treats me so badly and i take excellent care of our daughter time just don't seem like it's healing this wound!

[gemmani]

Wow. First of all, I'm sorry you are going through all of this, I know it has to be hard for you.
Secondly, just be aware of your actions when dealing with your BD. Last thing you want is for you to become the "bad" type of baby mamas. You will catch more flies with honey than vinegar. The less drama you bring, the more help you will get. I know that's way easier to say than do, but it will help in the long run.
The only thing I can say as to healing your wounds, is to live. Live the best way you know how. Do whatever you can to improve your life and the lives of your kids. Do something that will make YOU feel good. Get a makeover, go shoe shopping. Visit a restaurant that you've always wanted to visit. Your girlfriends can be your support system, USE THEM!!!!! Nothing better than a good girls' night out.
Stop focusing on your BD and whatever is going on in his life. The both of you have to be able to work together for the sake of you daughter. But otherwise, unless it's directly endangering your child, mind your own business regarding BD. It will drive you insane to constantly worry about what he's doing or who he's with.
You sound like a good person and like you have a lot of love to give. Find someone who will show you the love you deserve.

[esha]

Thanks, I've heard it over and over again and I'm dealing with it he's just so d**n ignorant and misguided that it becomes unbearable at times we don't talk unless he's calling to ask for her. he's not the kind of involved dad like many i know but he's involved u know how u want the best for your child i hate the feeling like she's being cheated can u understand me? but I'm tired of the b.s. and I quit as long as she doesn't come home hurt or not herself I'm good.

[gemmani]

I understand you Esha. Unfortunately you can't MAKE him be a better dad. All you can do is be the best mother you can be. Let your BD and your daughter form their own kind of relationship. Luckily, you aren't responsible for their relationship unless you are preventing a relationship between them. Keep your head up, it will get better.

[bmdramaof2]

Gemmani is right about catching more flies with honey. If it was me I would write him off as someone I want to be with because it doesn't seem like he's doing much for you and for himself. A man that lives with his Grandmother and don't have money to go get his daughter some milk seems mighty lazy and I'd think I'm worth more then a man like that. If my DH went to BM house and she asked for milk didn't have money on him. Well I know he would stopping by an ATM. If he took her home he should have his wallet. Don't waste your time on him you'll find better. Just focus on your daughter and his relationship tell him that you should think about putting a parenting plan together which consists of. Time spent with her, school, visitation, financial support, and responsibilities, and tell him lets sign it I don't want to get in a nasty battle and think if we come to an agreement then it will be better off for all of us. But it we don't obied by it then I think we need to go to court. I don't want to do that to you nor I think you want the same for me.

You can't dwell on who he wants to be with because it clearly shows it's not you and why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want you..... Women are too precious to waste there time on playing games.