youknowwhatitis

[REVELATION ABOUT BD]

While talking with my mother today..........I realized I had been wrong about BD. I sent BD a text message telling him when and where the party for my son was going to be. He responded with some mess that doesn't even make any sense. Basically making excuses and talking about being in the accident.

Ladies...........I have realized the sad truth about BD mentally............he is NOT right. That's why his family tried to keep him away from me........they didn't want me to find out. That's why they wanted the DNA test because he signed the birth certificate and they didn't want to pay and they know mentally he is not right so they didn't believe him when he said the baby was his so they wanted him to prove it to them. Which is still no excuse because he was his until they found out he had to pay and that they weren't getting that social security number. The real reason BD wont come and visit my son because if he does when I'm around it'll only be a matter of time before I figure out his mind isn't right. That's why his family tries to alienate him from his son or only wants to come and get him not have him visit with me. That's why his mom didn't want me at the hospital so I wouldn't find out and that's why his text messages don't make a lot of sense. There are some very real cognitive deficits in BD. The family has been trying to hide how bad of shape he's really in. Also too part of it is blaming my son and I for the shape he's in now..............which really isn't our fault.

Oh my God............I just really understand this right about now.......they didn't want BD interacting with me because they knew I"d find out how bad of shape he's in and they knew that I'd find out he was going to get SSA. Which I found out anyway which they thought by keeping me uninformed they would pull the wool over my head.

Peep this........at the hospital in the beginning 06 when I would ask them how is he doing they wouldn't give me any real info they would just say about the same........God is good...........I went to visit one day they weren't (the fam) wasn't there and his coworkers was there and said that the stepdad told her he had multiple blood clots in brain. Hmmm.. I put it together they never told me..........anything that was specifically wrong with him.......something is wrong with this picture. God exposed them. Now I know as a nurse a blood clot impedes oxygenation and perfusion meaning certain parts of his brain weren't getting adequately oxygenated. And when I filed for his SSA the caseworker told me that "she wasn't a doctor but from looking at the list of everything that is wrong with him most likely he would be approved." She did say multiple something I can't remember and massive head trauma. BD is mentally incompetent period.........good thing he did sign my son's birth certificate.....they were hoping he didn't so I wouldn't get nothing....God is good. But ladies I'm realizing BD is really mentally bad off................maybe it's better that son isn't around him. Maybe that's why their not pushing him apart from blaming me and son for BD's demise. But truly I really think the real reason BD doesn't come around is because it would reveal the fact that he is mentally challenged and they (the fam) don't want me to know.

****d**n.......................now that's a revelation

[canice]

Youknowwhoitis........ I read your post. And I feel for your son and the BD because if there is something wrong with him maybe the love of his son is the medicne that he may need to get better. It may be that he is staying away from his son because he does not want him to see him in the state that he is, also it may have alot to do with his family and any kind of drama they feel you personally may bring to the situation. It is funny how people change around people who have something wrong with them and it is truly sad. If his family is only out for his SSA then they are not true, caring family members. I don't know what your relationship is or was with his family before his accident. And some might see them as protecting him by keeping him away from you while he was in the hospital. Depending on if there was drama with you before his accident. Or they could just be tifflin and out for his disablity money themselves.
With him now being mentally challanged it could be he stays away from the drama because it is not good for his condition. Truly there could be so many different reasons and answers.I don't know you or how the two of you interact together. But I would think that blood clots on the brain ar not a good thing to have along with a bunch of drama around whether it be from you or his family. Hopefully in there will comea time that he will come around and be in his childs life hopefully and hopefully you all can be in the same room him and the child and love the child as two parents should.

I would look more into finding out what exactly is wrong with him, not to go after his SSA but to get a better understanding of what happening with. He is the father of your child and there was love there once. And Because your son should know the TRUTH of what happen to his father and why he is the way he is. Like I have said before the love between a parent and child can rise above anything. And that could be just what your BD needs.

If you want him in your sons life I would say get down on your knees and with your whole heart pray for it. Don't worry about his family, because God will take care of all that. Just pray that your son and his father get to connect to eachother somehow. Everything else will work itself out.

I will be praying for you, your son and your BD.

[memyslfni]

So now that You've figured out Blues Clues... Youknow....what are u going to do about it? Cuz to me it sounds like ur finding out about bd not just being physically incapable but also mentally incapable was icing to ur cake...Keepin it 100%...Do you feel that he deserves what he's going through... I guess what I'm saying is DO YOU EVEN CARE about ur sons fathers well being at this moment??? I'm just saying this because U continue to speak of him with hostility...Like U said whats done is done...Time to move on.....Its so sad to hear u talk of him the way u do....Youknow I may speak in a negative manner about my bm but she knows exactly what she is doing....mentally, physically and emotionally.....

[gemmani]

I hope he is able to function well enough for your son. It does make a lot of sense as to why they've been so difficult. It's a very, VERY hard thing to deal with someone who has mental problems.
I think you should really work WITH them now. Be the bigger person, and talk to your BD and his mom and sister, let them know you understand what they are going through and work with them to help him have a relationship with your child.

[youknowwhatitis]

Gemmani you hit the hammer on the head...................they are after the disability money for themselves and upset that my son and I got a our rightful piece of it. By the way Girl Congratulations on the wedding............hope you two stay together till death do you part. But that's it I remember a conversation I had with his mom. I called his dad's cell phone........she (mom didn't know I had the dad's cell phone number) she got on the phone and thought I was his sister and said well the nurse wouldn't fill out the the papers for SSA so WE might not get it. Newsflash........who is we........he it was his money and we all know that only physicians can fill out those forms.

I do hate that he is in such bad of shape..........more so for my son though than for him. He really acted ridiculous after my son was born and was very cold and hostile to me so I ended on a sour note with him and over the course of the pregnancy I ended up disliking him (the real him) more and more so no memyself I don't have any feelings for him. I can't apologize for it it's just how I feel. His family acted so ugly regarding the whole thing I just don't want to put myself or my son in the mix with them.

While it was hard on them..........guess what it' would've been hard on me too but his family chose to shut me and my son out. And even though I wasn't at the hospital I was still affected by the whole situation more so than them because I'm the one who had the baby to take care.........a sudden single parent with no financial and those people didn't give a d**n about my son or my situation with him.............maybe they were in revenge mode feeling like well she doesn't care about him so were not going to care about the baby.........which is still ignorant. I did my part by showing up............but like I said the don' t want the truth about him out me..............which it's out for some vindictive reason. If they were right gemmani they would have a least called and gave me the bare minimum just so I would know and know what I need to do concerning our son. And if he does never see our son again at least I would have a reason to tell our son when he got older. So really gemmani, I have accepted the fact that BD has a problem with his mind and will never be able to be the father my son needs so I will have to look elsewhere. Maybe the family was being overprotective I don't know...........but it definitely wasn't handled right especially about the finances. I took care of my son for a whole year without any help from BD..........so I feel like I deserve that money for all the hell BD has caused.

So, my debt is paid. But the debt to my son..........I don't think they can ever repay. I totally understand their situation as his family but I have to look out for myself too..........and based off how I was treated post partum by her son I had every right to deny them his social security number (he hadn't done anything for him anyway) and claim my son as my dependent myself. And if they are mad and upset about that so what they won't be cakin up off my baby they later tried to disown. Those people are crap. You can't hurt someone else's feelings because you're upset and then think that there won't be consequences. Psychologically they were going through it I understand..............but I what I feel like most people aren't getting is SO WAS I.........I was the one 2 weeks post-op (c-section) with BD drama, past due bills,and to top it the accident. No one had as much stress on them than me...........so it is totally unfair to ask me to kiss their ass b/c he was in an accident if anything they should've been kissing mine. Because ultimately they all had jobs, were feeling physically good and were okay. I just had a baby, surgery, got out of relationship, got to find a job cause BD wouldn't help out, I basically had to put my whole life back together.........their's was just injured some...........I had to start all over as a new parent by myself. NOBODY SUFFERED MORE THAN ME......NOBODY.

[gemmani]

Honestly, it sounds like EVERYONE is having a hard time. (Thank you for your kind thoughts!)
Some people really don't know how to act when life throws them curveballs, they are ill-equiped to handle life's problems.
Can you do me a favor? Look for this book- "The Dance of Anger". It might help with dealing with your anger and THEIRS so that you all can work effectively.

BTW, I know it's hard work being a single parent, so much props to you. But instead of thinking about how hard it is, think how rewarding it is to bring this young child into adulthood. Just a little change in perspective can go a long way.

[gemmani]

Honestly, it sounds like EVERYONE is having a hard time. (Thank you for your kind thoughts!)
Some people really don't know how to act when life throws them curveballs, they are ill-equiped to handle life's problems.
Can you do me a favor? Look for this book- "The Dance of Anger". It might help with dealing with your anger and THEIRS so that you all can work effectively.

BTW, I know it's hard work being a single parent, so much props to you. But instead of thinking about how hard it is, think how rewarding it is to bring this young child into adulthood. Just a little change in perspective can go a long way.