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Post by Chalan on Sept 30, 2008 11:18:12 GMT -5
How many here have kids with the BD? If so, do you ever feel like the BD treats your child together different from his own kids?
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Post by memyslfni on Sept 30, 2008 12:08:29 GMT -5
I havent had the opportunity to distinguish the difference, although the question still remains...I cant imagine him being much different.  |
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Post by Chalan on Sept 30, 2008 12:19:18 GMT -5
In my case, BD loves both kids to death. One of the reasons I feel in love with him was the way he responded to his DD. I knew he would be a good father! Yet he feels that DD requires more financially because her BM is financially irresponsible. Therefore, I contribute more for his basic needs. I think Jaylady told the bases of her calculations for CS for BD. That really struck with me.
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Post by canice on Sept 30, 2008 12:45:46 GMT -5
I don't feel that there is any difference in the treatment between our children. I have never hear the work step used when it comes to my son. if u ask that is his sons or his boys. I thought when our son together was born there would be a slight difference but there is none.
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Post by memyslfni on Sept 30, 2008 12:59:50 GMT -5
In that case..(speaking from what I hear) dh does have a tendency to spoil his kids (when he has it) because thats what their used to their mom doing..(good or bad) they get bad grades its a trip to disneyworld. Can u see why they arent together...? These poor kids feelings are replaced with materials things...  |
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Post by gemmani on Sept 30, 2008 14:56:18 GMT -5
I don't have kids yet. But I know DH would probably be VERY EXCITED about the fact that he would be able to raise the child with his values, and that he would have way more of a say in the child's life. I can't compare his vs ours, though. But I know he'd probably be extremely hands-on.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Oct 1, 2008 18:28:19 GMT -5
I was thinking about this because I would actually like to have another child.......a girl I already have a name picked out Kayleana or if a boy Tylan. But I do think I'll always be more biased towards my son because his situation is different and his dad is disabled. So he'll probably get more of the special treatment. But I don't think I'll marry anyone with kids........just not my forte'. I prefer someone with no kids that is kid friendly. But a good husband I think is really not that hard to find. I think women have been telling themselves that for so long that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for them. There are plenty of men out here that want a good, successful, strong, ride or die woman with a good head and a good job. You just have to find someone who is over their baggage and has the same morals, values, and sex drive as you do. Someone who understands that this is real life.............nuts ain't gone always be peachy. And someone who accepts you as you are as I have learned with acceptance comes understanding. I think I have been making relationships a lot harder than they actually are. I was unclear about who I was and I was trying to relate intimately with someone else........BIG NO NO. You have to get clear first on who you are so you are not insecure and able to deal effectively with what comes along. It takes real maturity to be in and have a quality relationship with someone. But first and foremost you have to have a quality relationship with your self and a healthy self-image..........you have to stop making decisions based off what others will think and make decisions that are going to be what's best for you. I look forward to having a relationship and a new baby someday but I am not going to rush I am going to enjoy my life and let things flow and take their course.
Inviting BD to the party was one of the best things I could have done.............I got what I had really wanted......CLOSURE. Ace hood has a song out ride or die and the lyrics say:
What the definition of a rider
through it all they stand right beside you.
Ladies that IS and WAS NOT BD.......so I have lost absolutely nothing. I am stronger, smarter, 1000.00 a month richer and I have a beautiful son. I have absorbed a lot of information from you ladies on the board.
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Oct 3, 2008 23:25:03 GMT -5
If you and DH are still together you have no reason to hinder the relationship between him and your kids that would be stupid. I'm sure he loves his other children just as much as yours. However, the way the chilps fell he ended up being more intricately involved in the life of yoursand I'm sure he enjoys being able to fully parent his children. It's a good thing but it's not big deal. That's what father's are suspposed to do. I'm sure the other children have grown accustomed to him not being their like that ansd God has a plan for everyone so it may have been best for teh purpose God has for them for him not to be as intricately involved. We don't know..........but things do happen for a reason.
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Post by doinwatigottado on Oct 5, 2008 14:58:49 GMT -5
I know exactly what you are talking about with regards to BM hindering relationship with Husband. BM used to tell SS he couldn't come over anymore if Husband didn't do what she wanted and I think this is the worse thing you can do to a child. SS would beg her not to deny him time with his father and she wouuld literally fight with him about it. WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES THIS. A very immature one!! I sometimes couldn't believe her. Neither wife nor BM should interfere in the time father and son spend with eachother. It is just plain IGNORANT. If you have issues with it for other reasons, like in my case SS practically living with us and BM getting child support as well!! LOL. My husband had a talk with her about that too and now she can no longer ask for more money to cut hair, buy more clothes, or pay for whatever else she wants on top of him being taken care of the majority of the time AND getting child support. It's been like we've been paying her to allow him to stay here so to speak. And she's been figuring out other ways to get the help she needs. Meaning that her son has been staying at Grandma's house at times and at her sisters. Someone said something about BM's independence and Wow did that resonate with me!! Independence is key.
What a mess we had created!! Well it's now time to clean house. And start really living the life I always imagined we could. And we will do that. I smelled the coffee and how sweet it is. : ))
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Post by gemmani on Oct 6, 2008 8:35:25 GMT -5
The thing DH misses about living away from his kids is that he misses all the little things. He wants to be able to wake up to them, come home after work and see them, take them to school, etc. BM actively tries to keep DH away from them while in her care. Except of course when she needs a favor.
I expect sh*t to hit the fan when I get pregnant. BM loves the fact that she's the only one with his kids (How does that matter?). It would be even better if she stopped thingy-blocking their relationship. But she wouldn't be able to do that with OUR child.
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Post by jaylady999 on Oct 6, 2008 11:23:31 GMT -5
I expect sh*t to hit the fan when I get pregnant. BM loves the fact that she's the only one with his kids (How does that matter?). It would be even better if she stopped thingy-blocking their relationship. But she wouldn't be able to do that with OUR child. it is so funny that you say that. i've always said that if i ever had a baby with DH, she would not like it. i truly think these women are so happy with being able to say they are "only" one to have his child(ren). i do think gemani, when you have yours, there will be issues. i can tell just from what you've posted here about your BM. lucky for my BM, she has no worries cuz DH and I have agreed on no more kids, but thats only cuz i have one already and really no interest in another. |
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Post by gemmani on Oct 6, 2008 11:36:42 GMT -5
Oh, I KNOW there will be issues. Lucky for me, it doesn't matter to that she has his kids. It used to matter a LOT, but I realized it was a dumb thing to focus on. I don't have a need to compare anymore and we'll have a baby when we are good and ready. But based on comments from BM, it would be the end of the world for her.
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Post by jaylady999 on Oct 6, 2008 11:51:27 GMT -5
EXACTLY!! do you girl, as you already know, BM is of no relevence to your life. as wives/fiances/girlfriends, we need to focus less on her and more on ourselves and our relationship with the DH. as difficult as that is, especially when the DH is working off of guilt, etc, it is sooo rewarding when we learn how to master this. its really a revitalizing feeling to truly not care(not about the kids of course, only their mother) and her antics and games and to know she is just doing stupid things just to complicate or confuse things in your household and to still be able to smile.....
just pray for the BM that she can finally move on with her life(not because she is making your life miserable, but simply because everyone deserves happiness even if they are the ones who are keeping it from themselves) and keep it movin. ;D
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Post by Chalan on Oct 6, 2008 11:57:01 GMT -5
Gemmani- Be prepared because if you think she is horrible now, you’ll think she is the devil then. Remember when you do conceive, try to include the kids. I let my SO’s DD help choose a name, help with my registry etc. to try to make her feel included. Told her the joys of being the big sister, etc. From your posts, you seem to have a good relationship with the kids. Try to keep it that way because the accusations will hit the fan when you conceive.
That “I’m the only woman with your kids”, is another form of control that she will feel slipping when you become pregnant.
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Post by gemmani on Oct 6, 2008 13:53:19 GMT -5
Yes. I know she'll she mad, but I just don't care, KWIM? At the end of the day, it's just one more thing that she'll have to get over. Hopefully, my hormones won't force me to beat her down. (Just joking, I promise) DH and I have spoken about how we'd keep the kids involved in our hypothetical pregnancy. DH wants to have a baby before he's 30. He'll be 29 next week, so we gotta get moving! My best friend is pregnant (she found out a week before my wedding, and ended up marrying her fiance the day before mine!) and she's DYING for me to get knocked up, too. I kind of have babies on the brain right now. Ever since the wedding, I've been daydreaming about little rugrats drooling all over my clothing. Not trying to rush or anything, but I can't help but think about it  |
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