Approaching our 2 yr anniversary

[jaylady999]

Hey ladies

Just wanted to put some thoughts out here as DH and I celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary(Oct 21) and I figured this is a good forum to do so.

To all you ladies who are going through BMD, please continue to be the most supportive wife/fiance/girlfriend that you can despite the circumstances. In MOST of your cases from what I've read here, your man is dealing with way more drama that you are. Meaning that he is not only dealing with BMD, but he is also having to deal with keeping things balanced with his relationship with you. Sometimes our men fail at this task and they are no where near as communicative as women tend to be. So please try to be patient, stand your ground and never ever ever confront the BM. This of course is with the exception of her coming at you first(it is right of women to defend themselves, physically and verbally, when need be).

The point is, if the love is real, your relationship will sustain all the BMD in the world. It takes faith and dont forget to stay in prayer. Pray for the children who get caught in the crossfire of these nasty games. Pray for your man that he may find the stregnth to make decisions that are beneficial to his children as well as to the relationship you share with him. Pray that he realizes that he can still be a good father without catering to every whim of his kids mother. And most importantly, pray for the BM that she wakes up and realizes that no matter what she says or does, the fairytales and fantasies of renewing a relationship with her BD is dead and this would be the case even if we were not with him. In short, just pray that she finds some self esteem and moves on with her life.

Things will work out, just as long as you continue to do your part in minimizing the drama at hand. After 7 LONG YEARS, I can proudly say that my BM is of absolutely NO CONSEQUENCE in our relationship anymore and he has a wonderful relationship with his children as do I. I never thought I'd see the day when we could actually make moves with his children without having to consult her first, or check with her first. She has finally gotten to the point where she realizes that while the kids are with us, they are ours and we would never do anything to hurt them. We actually go full weekends without even hearing from her and we love it. It means that she realizes that her children's time with their father is exactly that. TIME WITH THEIR FATHER.

She has turned over control to my DH and I am soooo thankful for that. We'll never be friends, but we do have a mutual respect. She is BM, this fact will never change. I am the wife, this fact wont change either. At the end of the day, all that matters are these children. I know it seems like a lifetime struggle, but again, if the love is real, it will truly conquer all.

Be blessed ladies.

[doinwatigottado]

Happy Anniversay!! I wish you and your husband many more to come. Have a great time!! And thanks for sharing. I enjoyed your inspiring words.

[jaylady999]

Thanks girl. It took me a long to realize that this whole thing is a game to BM and the moment we start to play the games with her, we automatically lose. I've driven the high road from the very beginning, and will continue to do so.. Although I truly believe I've disarmed her by simply being the best me that I can be for DH and loving her children despite her constant childishness.

[jaylady999]

You did right not saying anything. DH knows that mess is just purely not right, so nothin you say will have him get the number any more easily. I think BM is triflin as hell for that one. Even if it aint the home number, any number where she can be reached. I prefer communication on cellys myself. I have my BD's home, work, and cell. They are all saved in my cell, but I've never called anything but his cell cuz thats how I know I can always reach him, the few times that I need to call him.

As co-parents, I feel that each parent should have at least one number to easily access the other parent(unless of course one of the parents is abusing this). But otherwise, these women need to stop playing games already.

Its so tired and so old. But I'd definitely leave the decision making of how to go about handling her if she wont give him a way to contact her or his child. Sometimes as wife/gilfriends, we need to just let them vent, I think

[Chalan]

Congrats to you Jaylady! May you enjoy many more.

[jaylady999]

Thanks so much!! ;D

[youknowwhatitits]

Jaylady you make a good point. Maybe their wondering why he can't have free reign over when he comes back and all. Newsflash because he did not try to involve himself as a father and they didn't try to encourage him or make some smart, respectful moves themselves. Like I told BD's mom, if you're running late or stopped somewhere etc. shoot me a call and let me KNOW..........don't let someone else know..............don't assume someone else told me................you take responsibility and YOU make sure I know. That's is only right. I didn't call to check on him when they were with him only after they were late and I didn't hear from them.

They were trying to circumvent me...................BD's mom called my granny to ask what does he eat from McDonalds........you call my 86 year old granny to ask about Mc Donalds. Be for real. I ain't havin the childishness...................we can stop it before it starts. She call my granny 3 times...............but never thought to call me. WTF?