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Post by youknowwhatitis on Oct 11, 2008 21:53:04 GMT -5
Why my son was supposed to be back at 5:30 -6:00 it is now 6:31 and my son is not back. His mom called my grandma's house 3 times to say that she was on her way. I asked her to call ME ie my cellphone when she was on her way. BD has my cell phone number. His mom call's my granny's house where she picked him up instead of calling me on my cell phone telling me she's going to be late. BD text's my cell for any other nonsense........they can't shoot me a call and tell me he's going to be a little late. Mind you this is the 1st time I've let him go with them. Is keeping his mom informed............too much to ask. I had to call BD at 6:12 and say are you on the way with the baby. That should've let them know that I didn't get the messages. My granny is 86 mind you. This to me is just plain ridiculous. What do you think.  Then she BD's mom gonna try to tell me I told her to call my granny's house. BS..............she asked for my granny's number I knew something was wrong when she asked for. You can't circumvent me.............when I'm the one allowing them access to him. Right is right and courtesy and respect is courtesy and respect. I didn't know where my baby was because they didn't pick up the phone and tell me. Tell me this is not some BS??? |
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Oct 12, 2008 9:57:06 GMT -5
He got back around 6:45 I explained to his mom that I asked her to call me.............not my granny when he was on his way. This is the 1st time anyone not in my immediate family has taken my child away from me. Mind you I'm nervous given the history I have with them. All I'm saying tellit is they call my cell phone especially BD or send his stupid little text message any other time. Now that you have my son in your presence you cant call or shoot me text saying he's on the way and it's my KID.Maybe this whole visitation thing is too much for me. I am not trying to make them feel like they must walk a tightrope what I'm saying is effective communication goes a long way. You and DH are married but if he goes and picks up DD from daycare and you were originally supposed to pick her up and doesn't extend you the simple courtesy of just letting you know he got her..........wouldn't that irritate you. Of course it would.........because all he had to do was call or send you a text message and say don't worry about picking her up cause he got her and your mind would be at ease. My granny is 86 she is not the go to person regarding my 2 year old and pardon me.........I think she (his mom) should know that. When you have someone elses child you deal with their mother point blank. It's like some sort of sick.........were going to try to avoid speaking with you game. Bottom line they are either going to work with me, or against me. I don't like the way the communication was handled. My son has food allergies, what if something happens how are they going to handle the communication then.........this is something serious. Food allergies are serious......it's around Halloween time and their talking on the news about how kids with food allergies can't have peanut M&M's, snickers and a lot of other popular candies. I'm no over-reacting I"m worried about the well being of myself and my child. I would have had no problems with them had they just informed me they were on the way and were going to be a little late. That is NOT too much to ask. Especially the 1st time you get him. Comeon Tellit, be for real. DS didn't cry when he left and generally seemed okay when he came back but they need to be adults and start acting like them or they won't be seeing him. I'm sitting up trying to explain to the woman about his food allergies, I'm picking up a vibe from her like she's already had kids' she knows about kids' mind you none of her kids have or had food allergies. It's new for me , his daycare, and everyone in our family. Sometimes, my mom forgets and almost gives him something he's not supposed to have and she see's him everyday. Respect is respect............so I' don't know if they'll try to get him again because my child's life is not some sick game. Here I try to be the bigger person and people try to sh*t on my kindness. |
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Oct 12, 2008 9:59:35 GMT -5
Oh yeah BD lives 20 minutes away from St. Louis, MO in Illinois.
It's like they don't get it.............I don't know if she's used to her other grandbaby being her daughter's so she had free reign, but my child is NOT her daughters and I am not with her son so she needs to get with the program. Her actions toward me were not daughterly so she has NO free reign with my child.
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Post by ty1981 on Oct 12, 2008 10:06:13 GMT -5
Keia you are overreacting! You have your child back, he is ok, he wasn't a crying mess.....there was just a little miscommunication(this happens even when people are together). Relax and as tellit said don't block your blessings. Keep ya head up.
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Post by memyslfni on Oct 13, 2008 11:21:14 GMT -5
Good morning all... ;D Youknow, this situation reminds me of when about 2 weeks ago I had set up for my brother and mom to pick up my half brother from his momma (he came to visit me and my brother). But anyway I was more the communicator between them cuz their communication was Fu**ed up but I wanted my brother to come visit us (he's been gettin into a whole heap of trouble and we were willing to give his mom a break). Except my mom and brother were ready to check him into school out here where we live, mind you his mom calls all the time talkin about how he (my brother 13 doesnt make things easy for her.) So anyway the purpose was for him to come visit, not stay (not yet at least)..So the moment they picked him up their like "Do you have his paper work so we can enroll him in school?" (example of how F'd up the communication is rather than ask how long is he allowed to come visit?) So anyway it was time for him to go back cuz she is in a heap of crap with Cservices and on top of that he was suppose to be in school (truant)..So she needed him back ASAP..My mom drives a whole 1.5 hours just to bring him right back because their communication is F'd up..I had to come out my pockets to put him on the bus back to his momma...Uugh. The communication was messed with them because eveyone wanted to talk and no one wanted to LISTEN. Youknow, try to find out what was so hard for them to call YOU. Was it there way of trying to avoid conflict because they knew they were running late when you had a specific time frame? Touch basis with them on this matter..but try not to be upset when doing so..make them feel comfortable with communicating with you..I know sometimes when I've felt someone is going to be upset I would avoind communication with them..Cuz I felt it would I'd be wasting my breath...But thankfully god has been working on me as far as the communication department. And I've learned you have to be willing to listen as well as talk...anyway hope this helps  |
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Post by doinwatigottado on Oct 13, 2008 11:56:05 GMT -5
Youknow,
I understand your need to feel that your child is safe, yet I think you should really try to relax a bit about them being a little late. It is the first time they've had your son and it is new territory for all of you. I know you feel that they were trying to circumbent you in communicating iwth your grandmother, but I think you should cut them a bit of a break. Try not to be so quick to jump bad on them. It's obvious that you are still dealing with trust issues with regards to them and as I understand that, fueling that feeling will not nurture your desire to have them in your son's life. They want to be around your son and I think this is wonderful. I'm sure you don't want to run around feeling stressed everytime they come to get your son and spend time with him. I know you want to make sure they don't do this again. Make sure that communication is clear. Tell them with a humbled smile from your heart that you are happy that they are working with you to provide a healthy partnership for your son's sake and that you understand that sometimes we run late and those things happen, but that you want to make sure that if they are running late in the future they call you because your grandmother isn't good at giving messages. That kind of communication can go a LONG WAY. I doubt they were purposefully trying to get you riled up. I agree with the above comment that communication is key. Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill, and keep communication open. I know you've had your issues in the past with this family, but if you truly are trying to move forward with a new attitude and relationship, give them the benefit of the doubt for now. See what happens next time. I hope this helps too.
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Post by doinwatigottado on Oct 13, 2008 12:01:20 GMT -5
Last thing. Take control. Don't lose it. When people do things like this to you, run late; have you waiting. Communicate how you felt, while waiting. Be as honest as keeping the peace will allow you and stay in control of the situation. : ))
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Oct 13, 2008 17:13:37 GMT -5
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Post by doinwatigottado on Oct 13, 2008 18:01:29 GMT -5
Youknow,
I am speaking only with limited information. I obviously don't know all of the stuff you've gone through with these people and just from the little I do know it must have been a lot of crazy stuff. I hope you and your BD's family do get past it, but I also know how difficult it is when you are still dealing with feeling they are not being respectful of you and it sounds like that is what you want most from them. I hope they do with they have to do to make things up to you.
doin.
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Post by gemmani on Oct 14, 2008 7:39:45 GMT -5
Maybe it's just me, but I understand where Youknow is coming from. It really does sound like they are playing games, and it's so not necessary. There is no reason why they couldn't call her instead of the Grandmother. I would make that a condition, Youknow. If they want to tkae the baby, any communication has to go through you. Period. There is no need to grown-a$$ people to act so childishly. Especially since they have no problems calling and texting when they want to b*tch about something.
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Post by jaylady999 on Oct 14, 2008 7:58:13 GMT -5
I was thinking the same thing. At first when Youknow first started this post, I thought she may have been overreacting. But as she posted more details as to how they handles bringing her son back to her, the more I saw where she was coming from. These people want to play games and Youknow, as well as many of us, have better things to do than to play games right back with them. So I definitely feel her
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Post by Chalan on Oct 14, 2008 8:24:27 GMT -5
Everyone remember there are two sides to every story. I agree Youknow did a wonderful thing by letting them get Jaylin. He should know both sides of his family. But there are going to rough patches here because of the rocky situation that already exists. I do agree that BD’s Mom should have called Youkow BUT why didn’t she? Maybe she felt more comfortable calling Youknow’s Mom. At least she did call someone. I think I would have been more upset had she not called anyone.
Youknow~ just make it clear that they should communicate with only you in the future.
For the record, I would have been pissed too! But looking from the outside, I think everyone is nervous and trying to make this work.
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Post by memyslfni on Oct 14, 2008 9:15:58 GMT -5
Yeah, Ditto what Chalan's last post said... |
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Post by sbimiss on Oct 14, 2008 12:35:51 GMT -5
Chalan took the thoughts directly out of my head.
This is no fault to you Youknow....everyone is different. I can somewhat relate this to the situation I am in and maybe I can offer you a little understanding of WHY they are going about things in this manner. My bf will call others to handle matters about SD i.e. visitations and drop-offs. The animosity between him and both BM's is like walking on egg shells. It has always been this way since the kids were born. Now it is just customary to deal with third parties. It works well this way for all of us including the BM's and their SO's. This is def. where our situations differ. Plus, BM#2 is not the primary caretaker of SD. SD lives with her grandmother and this is why he is in contact with others and not BM. But even if BM was there the day we take her home ect. he still does not contact her. You are showing your interest and you demand communication to be through you. This was not an option and you have every right to feel the way you do. You are entitled to that. Especially, since things are soo new.
I would just like to add that there are reasons why people do the things they do. I do not think they are doing this as a game or intentionally trying to disregard your expectations. I think that they find it easier to deal with others. They are wrong in not allowing you the chance to show that things will go smoothly if they do things the right way. It is just foolish because they risk more trouble with this issue in future. Just remember that precedents have already been set here. They react in that way according to how things have gone in the past.
Anyhow, past is past...this is now. I would make it clear to them that they need to communicate with you. Show them there is no problem in that and that you welcome it. Give them the reasons why it has to be done this way. i.e. granny is too old and most importantly...your son, your responsibility. I hope they adhere to that.
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Post by memyslfni on Oct 14, 2008 13:50:01 GMT -5
I think this whole situation could have been avoided had Youknow made arrangements for son to be picked up from her directly rather than involve a third party..especially a 80 some yr old granny...Which leads to my question to youknow...Why would you choose your granny as the third party knowing how these people are..? If you wanted them to deal with you directly then maybe you shoulda dealt with them directly...Just my opinion..By having them get son from grannies may have made it seem like U didnt want to be bothered by them..IF U WANTED THEM TO DEAL STRICTLY WITH U, U SHOULD HAVE DONE THINGS DIFFERENTLY...is my point.
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