Had a talk with SS.

[doinwatigottado]

Hey ladies,

I just had a talk with my SS this past weekend about some things that I felt were going on. Lately, I've felt that he has been really strange when he comes over. I feel an aloofness and even bitterness from him that I hadn't felt in a while and I didn't understand what was going on. This has caused me to be aloof as well and I really didn't like that. I was hoping that I could bridge that distance between us by communicating, yet I wasn't sure how that would work really. All I knew was that I wanted him to know that I've been feeling it and that I wanted to understand what might be going on.

He told me that he knew what I was talking about and that he didn't mean to do it on purpose. He told me that he sometimes thinks about his situation as really hard especially when he sees what his mother is going through being a single mom and how that affects his life. I told him that I know how he feels in that my parents had broken up too when I was younger and that was a really sad thing for me too.

I believe that sometimes SS hears the arguments that my husband has with BM. For instance the most recent thing was the whole house hunting hting right and according to my husband SS was in the car when she vented to him about why it was a problem for me that he help her with that. According to my husband she said to my husband forget helping me with that. If it's going to be a problem with her (me) then forget it. I don't need no issues. When SS came the weekend after that, he asked my husband what his mom was talking about and why wouldn't I let my husband help her with whatever she needed? I'm not sure if she told him what the conversation was about, but I'm going to assume she didn't. What I do know is that what he was seeing was me being the culprit somehow.

Because I believed that this was part of the reason SS was upset, I also told him that there will probably be times that Me, husband and BM may not agree on things (never would I bring up the "things" to him thought) that bottom line is that we really love him and he has nothing to do with some of the things us adults don't agree with. I told him that one of the things we all absolutely agree with is that we want what is best for him and that we all have a profound love for him and we will always be here for him whenever he needs us.

There was a lot more to it, but......I would have to explain alot in order to make sense of some of the other things we talked about. It felt really good afterwards and he gave me the biggest hug and I gave it back. : )

[doinwatigottado]

I realize the part about the conversation in the car, may not make sense. BM was on celly talking to my husband and SS was in the car with her while she was discussing this thing with hubby.

[jaylady999]

I applaud you in bringing that conversation up to SS. I am sure that made him feel a whole lot better. Kids really dont belong in adult situations and they hear more than we think. I try to make it a point not to have grown up conversations with BD while in my son's presence. We really dont disagree on a lot, but again, kids hear things.

She(BM) was wrong for having that conversation in front of her son. We definitely have to mindful of what we say in front of our children. I think you handled that very well

[doinwatigottado]

It's so funny cuz after we talked the tension seemed to disapate. This whole weekend he talked more with me and he seemed to be leass guarded. Before he left this morning, he made it a point to hug me and tell me he loved me. He hadn't done that in a while and it just felt so good. I really don't like the tension when it happens. It just makes things so awkward and uncomfortable when he is over and that is one of the things that makes this situation so hard at times. I feel so relieved. (BIG sigh)

[jaylady999]

I am glad things got better between you two. At stepmoms, we never really want drama as far as the children are concerned. A child tends to have a natural love for their bio mother and as stepmoms, we dont want to give them any reason to think we dont love them too.

Its hard though when we have no idea what these babies hear from their mothers when they are with them. So its good that you opened the lines of communication with SS.