Friendship

[roadrunner]

[glow=red,2,300]Is your friendship for convenience (like to keep an eye on them)and does it work or are they phsyco[/glow]

[wbmama]

Tried the "friend / getting along" thing...I thought like you did that I would be able to keep an eye on her...
No luck for me. She's filled with too much bitterness.

[roadrunner]

Apr 7, 2008 12:22:16 GMT -5 wbmama said:

Tried the "friend / getting along" thing...I thought like you did that I would be able to keep an eye on her...
No luck for me. She's filled with too much bitterness.

Is it me or do all BM's go to the same crazy sh*t school

[jusdntundstn]

To keep ur own sanity, itz best to leave that friendly sh*t to the birds. Im here for u and yo kids (not that crazy bi*tch U chose to have kids by) Cause all them femalez want to do iz brown noze all up in ya biz. Comparing what he doin wit you to what he didnt do wit her. Bein friendly with them is just givin them the chance to do what they do best...play the hater role. I give it to em though (some major drama queens) I cant help but laugh. Sometimes they(bm's and kids) be havin these bd's so blind. BD's be thinkin they bm's all innocent and the daughters learn this sh*t from they mama (how to play the daddy). Sometimes I have to bring him back into reality. For April fools day his oldest daughter played a trick on the momma and packed up her sh*t and made it look like she ran away. I told him he better take heed to that, its a message. He replied "It was just a joke". I just cant wait to say I told you so. If he dont step up and say fu** ur protectiveness to his bm that gyrl is gonna end up runnin away and end up pregnant before she get out of high school like her momma.

[downazzchick]

As of right now I can say NO i'm not friends with my hubby bm or my ex's girlfriend. I would like to have a working relationship with them both. The girlfriend is okay. She got a taste of Drama in her, but I won't entertain them enough by doing the "typical BM Drama". I just don't give them anything to talk about. My nuts is well taken care of. my child is always clean, name brand clothes, tennis shoes, hair done. Even if the check didn't come in and no i don't ever mention it. I just make sure i tell him "She on birth control right? Cause we don't need anymore babies around here!" As the typical BM (I don't need her cutting off any of my 2 cent i'm getting) I'm not jealous of her for being with my ex and i have told her to her face (in a laughing/joking way) "Girl, I wouldn't put up with him if i didn't have to." Letting her know that this relationship with him and her is optional for me. My hubby bm hates me and does not want me to have anything to do with her child. She will talk to me though. Her resources are limited and she doesn't know how to respond to me because I run circles around her. As long as she has her latest fling she's out of our business. She's getting better though. I love his child and she loves me! Life is peachy!!!

[wbmama]

This is what I love about this board. We're not BM bashing - we're working together to figure out a way to deal. All of us should be proud of ourselves for reaching out, looking for answers, trying to make a difficult situation easier!

Give yourself a pat on the back!!

[Tell it like it is]

I have tried to be friendly with the BM but it did not work. Everytime I extend an olive branch, she tries to take advantage. She thinks that she is better friends with me than my husband...She always tries to bad mouth my DH & I don't want to hear it. Or, she will tell my DH that I said something that I did not say. That is a nice way of saying she is liar.
I don't respond to her antics. I just treat her like a deal with business associates. Everything is strictly about the child.

[memyslfni]

I believe that being brutally honest with bm/bd/wifey/husband helps as far as everyone staying focused on their role in the child(rens) life...everyone has a place and unfortunately sometimes we have to remind or be reminded of where it is...especially bm's Being brutally honest cuts out the thought of bm trying to befriend the wifey/gf for her own special benefits.. Sometimes U have to stop the BS where it starts..

[gemmani]

Nope, we are not friends. She doesn't know me, but she doesn't like me. I'm just the obstacle separating her from my DH. I've never responded to anything she says about me. I guess she was hoping I'd stoop to her level and start attacking her, but it didn't matter much to me.

[jaylady999]

My BM and I have never been friends in the 7 years I've been with DH. She didnt like me, I was indifferent about her. So it was like whatever.

A few months ago she tried to befriend me, which was again whatever. I was cool with it either way, although I'd always keep her at arms legnth regardless. Anyway after about a month or so of emailing back and forth about the kids, or whatever(it had gotten so that I was communicating with her more than DH), she shut down. Guess it was too much for her. LOL. I think after years of pretending that I dont exist, reality set in that I do, and getting emails from me and seeing her BD's last name probably didnt make it any better ;D

So we are back to square one. She stays on her side, I stay on mine. And life is good

[memyslfni]

I think the fact that men are less communicative about certain situations not having to deal with games, sports, cars, making money etc.. That everything else beyond that is dealt with by the gf/wifey...We end up being something like a personal secretary/wifey/gf at hand to bf/husbands...Thus making the dealings regarding his kids our (wifey/gf's) task at hand (for the kids sake)...lets not forget the fact that as women/mothers WE are more sensitive/understanding of the relationship between a man and his child(ren)..that we dont mind being the middle man..We just have to be cautious not to put more effort into their kids then he is willing or thats given to us... In short bd's do tend to give up or slack when it comes to their kids that we gf/wifey's have to keep them motivated..Dont know why thats just the way it goes...Some settle for being paycheck dads because they dont have someone giving them that extra push to do more for their child(ren). This is where the good lord works through wifeys/gf's/bm's to help make him a better father/man..

[jaylady999]

You are definitely right and actually prior to a few months back, DH ALWAYS dealt with her. She went through life pretending that I wasnt in his life. I guess thats how she lived her fairytale life. But I've always appreciated not being put in the middle of his BM drama. I supported him to the fullest, but it just worked out better for me that he deal with her nonsense. For the little bit of time we were communicating, I felt a little "off" cuz I was used to not having to deal with her. I will say, although she doesnt know this, I've been on her side quite a few times when her and DH get into it. But thats mainly becuz I am a BM myself, so I could relate to a lot of her plight. She didnt have to like me, but if my husband was at fault on some things, I had no problem with getting to see things from her point of view. Again, its all about the kids. The rest of what she tries to get into is nonsense.

[doinwatigottado]

What's interesting is that BM and I seemed to get along very well, for one whole year. BM has been in our lives for 7 years now. It was almost the ideal situation. We talked, unerstood eachother, worked together for the sake of her son. We went as far as to hang out wih eachother outside of the situation with my husband and her son, however, as time went on she started asking really prying questions and doing really odd things, like inquiring into how much my husband was making. I suppose she thought she could manipulate answers out of me by telling me how much money she was making, and all of her money problems, and then because she thought we were so cool, she started taking the liberty of going by my husbands job to ask him for money. (Mind you, her son was with us 3-4 days out of a week and with us EVERY WEEKEND, I would say we had him full time and she wanted money?!!) LOL. I was just floored by that one. What a fool I must've been to ever think that we really could be friends. I mean really, it is too complicated for that to happen and so I feel I made an enourmous mistake. After these incidences all of the red flags came up. I had actually liked BM up until she did this. I decided I had no other choice but to distance myself. From that day on, I never had another outing, conversation other than kids, and or even a thought that I wanted to continue such a relationship. She asked me what was wrong, but I just couldn't even entertain sharing anymore thoughts with her. I was full of disappointment. I suppose I trusted that she wanted what I wanted, to be the exception to this rule that BM and SM can't be friends and really make it work. I started to realize that what she was doing was all self serving. Based on the results during that time we befriended one another. We, my husband and I, took full responsibility of her son while she went to school and after she finished school she worked from 4pm-12midnight which resulted in the status quo for over 2 years. We would even give her money to help her out, because she was always crying broke. It is just a daggon shame. And of course she has her own way of looking at it. She actually emailed me saying that she didnt understand why things changed and that she felt she did everything possible to continue a good relationship and that my husband and I were hot and cold with her and that none of her kind gestures stuck. I think that the relationship with SM, BM, and DH's can be so delicate that maybe it's better to stick to boundaries and respectful interactions.