Am I the CRAZY BM?????

[wbmama]

Here's my OTHER situation. I've mentioned before that my EX has a new live in gf. Been together longer than me and my DH. Before she moved in with him, I asked to meet her (just as he asked to meet my DH - and he did). Didn't think it was a big deal. She refused. He agreed. He said it was because "She didn't like me". Keep in mind, I've never even saw or spoken to the woman. Of course I couldn't let go of it, my kids were going there on the weekends, WTF? Then her latest excuse is " She doesn't want to take a parental role in the kids lives". That is just stupid to me. So this past weekend, my ex in laws were in town (for work and to spend some time with my kids. Well, no one told me that my ex and his GF were staying in the hotel w/them too. No big deal to me - but that blows her 2nd excuse out of the water. She doesn't want to be a parental figure (which I don't get what exactly is) but she will spend a family vacation with the parents and the kids.

Anyway, I told them that I was going to come and pick up the kids. No way they said. I called my Ex out on it - I knew it was because his GF was there. She hides from me! WHY? I don't get it...she's 5 years older than me. I don't even know her last name!

Where's the respect for the mom?

[Keia1]

Now you're starting to see where I was going with what I was saying. Obviously this woman is one of those women who automatically hates any woman who has ever dated her man before her. She doesn't want to meet you because she's sending the message you are not important to her.....and not to him either."The I don't want to play a parental role" means I don't want your input in my relationship with the kids. She lives by the just stay out it rule. She doesn't want you in the picture at all and by him agreeing with her it sounds like he doesn't either.

[wbmama]

You're probably right. I just don't get it. I don't want to be in their lives - I've met my kids' teachers, bus drivers' etc...why am I not allowed to meet their Almost Step Mom???

Isn't that just respectful?

[lovejones08]

As long as she respects you in front of your kids and she respects your children to hell with knowing her. She can KICROXS!! You just continue to remain pleasant and her ignorance will show itself and again like tellitlikeitis said who knows what your EX is over there saying about you and the breakup, but focus on what you got going on at your house there's no time to devote you time and energy into you EX because he's the past and may be some BDD floating through and you clearly don't have time to waste on a perfect stranger who doesn't care to know you at this time. I must say that I can understand dealing with the feeling knowing your man had a child with someone else and just something so strong as marriage with someone else because every woman wants to feel like they experience everything first with the man that they love, but I have learned since that long time ago that first doesn't really mean best. So let her be if this is the case that is something that she will have to work through. You're all good.

[Keia1]

Isn't that so ridiculous though, people viewing people as "just the baby mama" you are the mother of his children and that does make you important not to him, maybe not her but to those children because you are their mother. I find that so offensive when people say stuff like that. No, she doesn't have to meet you or like you but she SHOULD respect you as their mom. But like tellitlikeitis said I wouldn't press it. But it is kinda disrespectful....I'll bet any amount of money honey....she's doing it intentionally.

[Keia1]

Not saying that anyone on this post is saying that about you just when people in general say stuff like that. You may be just the BM to BD and BD girlfriend but you are the world to those kids. Maybe that's why I'm on my BM soapbox because I personally feel as BM's we are often disrespected or thought of as well "she put herself in that situation" or made to seem or people attempt to make you feel as your less than a gf or wife. She definitely wants you feel as if your less than her. But I've learned that just because that's how the family or he may view you that's not how you have to view yourself. It's as if people try to put you in a lower class because you have a child or children with a man you are no longer with. With my BD with the hospital issues and stuff like that I realize that, that is what they were trying to do. Make me feel as if I'm less than because I' am no longer with him and I'm free to do whatever I please. Maybe I'm wrong but I think as a BM or BD you should respect the other person for the sake of your children.

[wbmama]

Thanks guys. As far as the way she treats me - she don't. She and the ex flat out told my 8 yr old that SHE DID NOT WANT TO MEET ME. My child was questioning the reason we weren't meeting and so they explained it to her. And I told my child that sometimes grown ups "didn't know the proper way to treat other people" and she was happy with that.

I guess she treats my kids fine. I haven't heard any different.

Here's one of my theories: I think they were "involved" prior to the separation...wonder if she's carring around a heap of guilt??

Whatever my ex has told her is BS - we divorced because of him - not me! If he has fed her with sh** - oh well - only gonna hurt him.

Somethings fishy though - my ex and her have ran into friends of mine and she hides behind him.

I just expect HIM and HER to show me one ounce of respect. I made a simple little request - and they made a big deal outta it. I have gone above and beyond including him, respecting him etc. all for the sake of our kids. I'm done.

Even my DH says I've been way tooo nice to him. (I love that man!)

[Keia1]

I think I made that mistake too....being too nice about the vibe I was picking up in the hospital. Even after they shut me and my child out I would still send him pictures of my son, which I don't do anymore. And check this out they had the nerve to ask for my son's social security number so he could claim my son on his short term disability from his job which he got for 6 months and my son did not receive a dime. Needless to say I didn't give them his social nobody's claiming him but me. After that that's when they really started shutting me and (my son) out. In order to get his social security; they (the family) didn't even tell me he applied....I had to go the office in my home state and keep checking on it because unknown to them I had HIS social security number. Can you imagine the look on their faces when they realized I had successfully applied for his disability that I wasn't even supposed to know he applied for. Some people I tell you. But don't sweat it girl.....when people don't do right....right doesn't come back to them.

[Keia1]

I ain't trying to start nothing but that it is kinda BOLD to tell an 8 year old that you don't want to meet their mom? Did anybody else pick up on that besides me?

[wbmama]

Yeah its bold, disrespectful, unkind, nasty - but its the truth and I'm glad she knows the truth. At least she knows her Mommy isn't the source of the problem.

This chick is just weird (the live in gf).

Like I said, I'm going to stop being so nice to him - started it tonight - he called and instead of my usual play by play of the kids' day - I blew him off. He was a bit stunned and I COULD FEEL THE POWER SHIFT TO ME!!!!!!!!

I am woman hear me roar -

[lovejones08]

Keia, what you may want to consider in your situation is that if you don't cause drama then to me you're not a BM you are the mother of a child. The term Baby probably started from all the drama. Unfortunately, bad BMs make it bad for single women like you. It's a class of generalization. Don't be offended, like you said in earlier post that if it doesn't apply to you then there is no need for it to anger you at all. People in this world make it bad for others because there are a whole lot more people doing negative things as opposed to positive things then we all get label with the majority. Keep ya head and keep being a good mother that is your focus.

[downazzchick]

LOL! Don't get crazy now wbmama! You know i think we all have a lil bit of BMD in us but how we use it is up to us. I don't know how to take this gf because most are up in your business trying to prove how they are better than the BM. Wanting to be waiting in the car when he picks the kids up (which I never do), listening on the other line during a call,ect. Don't let yourself fall into the trap. Your kids are old enough to tell you every crooked thing the BM does to them. Including not letting them put the seasoning on the roman noodles. LOL! My SD told her mom one time that I did not let her shake her own seasoning on her noodles. I was like 1 package of noodles feeds 4 (kids) there is only one seasoning per pack. Y? not eliminate the mess and put it in the noodles? Just a previous BM complaint (how crazy)!

[New to this]

Good thing you didn't press meeting the new GF. Give it time if she wants to meet you, she will, that shouldn't be a concern. It sounds like you and the BD are great parents and have the well-being of your child before you.

Don't get too fixed on the new GF.

[wbmama]

yeah - I'm pretty much over it now...thanks